Category: Prairie Home Companion - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion: What are ya, Stupid? (6/2001)

7/9/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Here's one of those bits I had forgotten about. The show's season was winding down and I was pretty much putting every pet peeve of mine into a sketch. It didn't get picked, and I can't argue the point. It's a weird, angry little bit...

What are ya, Stupid?

Barely Home Companion - Fathers Day (6/2001)

6/21/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

They were still traveling around the country, but it was Fathers Day weekend, so I went that route with the material I submitted. I would note that a lot of these things are taken from real life events, stuff I received and did, along with stuff my dad received and did. And I broke it up into 2 quick sketches. It was not something they did often, but it just seemed to work for these bits...nothing too long and dragged out, linked by topic, so it would flow naturally. But, they didn't get picked. So, for Fathers Day, I'd like to present:

DUCT TAPE FOR FATHER'S DAY

Barely Home Companion: House of Tea (6/2001)

6/11/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

The second bit I sent the week PHC was in Seattle was naturally going to take on coffee culture. This is actually a reoccurring theme in my body of work, store commercials for owners that are in over their heads. So a guy running a tea shop in Seattle seemed like a perfect bit, I know I've pulled it out and submitted it elsewhere, but it never got picked up. So now it's on my blog! That's something, right? Enjoy!

Dave's House of Tea

Barely Home Companion: The Old Story Teller: Seattle (6/2001)

6/9/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

PHC did its broadcast from Seattle that week, so I tried to come up with a couple of Seattle-themed skits, which is tricky, when my entire knowledge of Seattle was from coffee franchises, and the shows "Frasier" and "Here Come the Brides". First up was a sequel to the Old Story Teller bit I had written earlier that year. Again, it was a collection of facts I gathered online and simple silliness. But, it didn't make the cut. So the present:

The Old Story Teller: Seattle

Barely Home Companion: Roller Coasters (6/2001)

6/4/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

As summer was approaching, it was time to pull out summertime bits. I had written this piece as a prose article, then converted it into a Cracked magazine submission. It was accepted there, at least. I thought I did a fairly decent job at adapting it for radio, but I didn't make the cut. Perhaps it was a tad cruel and crude for GK, but I always fancied the idea of him reading certain expressions in that tone of his. Nevertheless, we now present the PHC version of...

Roller Coasters

Barely Home Companion: Land's End R&D (6/2001)

6/2/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Frankly, I don't remember much about this skit at all! I know Land's End was one of their regular sponsors but for the life of me, I don't remember what prompted me to write a sketch about the sponsors. Weird. Hey it was a long time ago and there was a lot of material churned out. My journals don't say much beyond things I sometimes submitted or was awaiting payment on, leading me to the conclusion that I'm a lousy journal keeper. Anyway, it was a no-go, so, here it is...

R & D

Barely Home Companion - Bush State o'Union Address 2004

1/13/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Back in 2004 there wasn't a heck of a lot of post-State Of The Union follow-up comedy. But that year Bush took a moment to speak out against steroid use in baseball, and while it is a valid concern, many wondered why it came up in a SOTU address. But that remark was the inspiration for a sketch: other things the President didn't get to bring up or fully explain. The bit went well and was surprisingly true to the script I submitted. Yet, there was no credit for me, on air or on the website. I noticed that there's no credit for Keillor online either.

This is a bitter sweet sketch for me, it's the last sketch of mine that they used. I actually continued to submit to the show for the remainder of the 2003-2004 season, and the next two beyond--I was even sending material well into 2007, and occasionally after that--but none of it was acknowledged. I was not really fired, no one asked me to go away, I just petered out. I just wasn't making the cut and after a while of that I just stopped sending things in. It was sad and frustrating but unsurprising based on all my previous experience there.

Writing is a solitary profession. I always dreamed of joining that comedy room or being part of a team. I wanted to belong to something that I wanted to belong to. Style Without Substance, the WGAE, the Plague, PHC, workshops, but something always eluded me. Sometimes they ended and it felt like I was dropped to the curb. Mostly it involves my lack of social skills, I'm civil, personable but I'm an introvert and can't exist outside my comfort zone for long. When my excuse for being with people ends, I am incapable of maintaining that relationship. It's happened with classmates, committee members and co-writers. I just retreat to my hidey-hole and look for the next place to mail by submissions out to.

Years ago, I was once talking with my friend; we were both writing and we both had day jobs. I hadn't really told anyone at work about what I did on the side and I asked him if he had. He promptly said no. And it was never something he considered. To him, "writer" was his secret identity and his super power. Sometimes I forget that. I'm a writer. Yes, there's the day job and the family and the chores and the kids, but the core issue remains; I'm a writer. And the fact is, working on this blog has reminded me of that. It's not a stellar career but it it mind.

Anyway, on Jan. 24, 2004, PHC presented my State o'Union sketch (with my original script posted below).

Bush State o'Union Address 2004

A Writer's Journal Journey: The Prairie Home Companion Years; 10/99-11/00

9/20/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I've been pulling up these old PHC bits over the last few months and the decided I wanted to look up how I felt about things at the time. I pulled out my old journals from the PHC years and some of what I remember is off a bit. On 9/1/99, I wrote:

"Got a tip on PAGE for someone looking for comedy sketches. Turns out to be Garrison Keillor's NPR show.
I emailed them Othello, Barney and Peace o' Mind. The producer wrote back saying she really liked them. They're off the air 'til October but she'll be getting back to me."

Oh, yeah, PAGE. That was (is?) a writers BBS that was created originally as a space for Writers Guild Members to interact on the internet. I had forgotten that's where I got the lead from. It had been a really nice online presence that made me feel like I was part of the writing community. I lot of advice and help was shared there. Today, things have moved to Writers Action BBS.

On 10/6/99, I wrote:

"Prairie Home Companion used a version of Abbott & Othello Saturday on their show! It's now archived on the web. They liked the other 2 things as well. They'll be paying me for the sketch. Then she called today (Christina Tschida, producer) to get to know me better--the next batch of stuff floored her, it was very good and right up their alley. She'll be sending me some scripts and tapes to get a better feel of the show."

You can see why I was so stoked by this new gig. And why I was so bummed as I seem to lose their attention. I got phone calls, I got CDs, I got checks! By 10/20/99 I was already worried that they hadn't used anything else, or acknowledged the submissions. On 11/19, I note I submitted specific material for their Rapid City road show and had gotten no reaction. On 11/22, I wrote they had used my "Mt. Rushmore" sketch and then lamented that it veered into an anti-Republican rant and got away from the apolitical piece of whimsy that I wrote. Plus, nobody told me it was going up. But I had a check coming (which was very important in 1999). I was getting ready to set the next batch of material for their first New York City show of 1999. And I was going to ask if I could attend a performance.

On 12/8 I wrote:

"PHC didn't give me an on-air credit but the bit is posted with the standard "Idea by" credit. And a check is headed my way. No response to my request to attend the show. And none of my stuff has been used thus far in NYC. Very frustrating getting ignored in my hometown."

By 1/7/00 I note that PHC finally posted my credit online for the Christmas material they used. on 2/19 I learn the producer feels my material was missing the mark. I'm told to avoid pop culture, Keillor is clueless. Don't meander, maintain the through-lines. They were headed on the road to Great Britain, but used none of my submitted material there. So I began compiling material for their return, in NY, in March. Which I then managed to lose by somehow wiping clean my special PHC floppy disc. I had to recreate them. I was pulling out the stops at this point, new material, resurrecting and reworking old bits. I scanned the hard copy of an old thing I had rewritten for a revue, Dial M for Marriage, which was a very audio-based bit. I was grabbing stuff from college, typing up material that was all pre-digital, re-working it into radio format. I never would get an invite to attend the show.

Still to do: Groucho song "Medicine and "Style" audition--black out sketches as a Broadway tale--all must be typed.
Tschida kinda likes our Armageddon Married sketch (updated to "Who wants to Marry a Rich Guy) <ed. note: It was a skit about a mass marriage, inspired by a Rev. Moon stunt>. She's worried it's too TV. It's not and I told her that.
Also, she's desperate for jokes for the Joke Show <ed. note: That was out of my wheelhouse>

I'm shocked to see on 4/10/00, that my entry says PHC was interested in my NYC medley piece and asked for a rewrite on the ending. That's been my constant complaint here that I never heard back on them. And he's is evidence I did. They never used it, however. I even wrote that my erstwhile writing partner was working on his own solo piece, after I hooked him up with the show (he was my co-writer on the mass marriage bit). Again, had totally forgotten about that.

Anyway, they didn't use the skit. And I wrote that I was ticked off because they did a Staten Island ferry sketch. I'm from Staten Island! I should have done that sketch!

By June 2000, I'm just recording that I'm still "submitting a piece a week to be rejected by PHC." In July, I must have asked the PHC producer about other radio sites because I say there was no reply. All was quiet for the summer, radio-wise. As they geared up for the 2000-2001 season, I got word the producer loved Radio Olympics. But not enough to use it, as it turned out. I was starting to realize that the producer at PHC was important but labored under the whims of GK. That turns out to be another story, long after I was done...

Well, this brings my journal into synch with what I've been posting, so back to the sketches!

Barely Home Companion - 9/11/01 Guys Patriotic Shoes (Oct 2001)

9/11/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

After the horrific terror attacks of 9/11/01, the entertainment industry kinda shut down. There was too much to process and too many to mourn to allow ourselves to simply slip back into day-to-day life. But, even in the darkest tragedies, people get antsy for something more. Our basic needs still exist, to eat, to drink, to be among others. And social interaction leads to other things; the need to enjoy. The need to laugh.

In so many ways, all eyes were on New York City. Not just for what had happened, but for what we were. NYC is one of the broadcast centers of the nation. And, slowly, the media began to shake off the darkness. We all know how Letterman, John Steward, SNL and even Howard Stern started up their shows-both trying to acknowledge the change while conceding that some things, like the need to laugh, never change.

I had a small part in all this. Half way across the country, PHC had been on its hiatus with reruns for the summer. Their season opener was set for 10/6/01. Not for nothing, but by that time, my day job had been back up and running in Lower Manhattan for weeks. We were pressing forward, step by step, with the ashes and smoke still drifting out of Ground Zero. Work pushed us forward. But, try writing comedy.

The one thing the show had going for it was that over the summer Keillor had undergone heart surgery. He opened with that (which also was written by me). Then he went into one of his Wobegon monologues (which was usually done toward the end). He was going to get back into their routine as quickly as possible.

Anyway, it was time to write something to submit. The heart surgery was a quick bit I had done weeks earlier after I first read the news. But something new? That was proving tricky. One thing that was kind of annoying to me at this time was the sudden rush of patriotic commercials that were hitting the air. Everyone was trying to acknowledge the tragedy while still selling their wares. And some of the connections were really weak. So, that's how I decided to handle it...

Acme Floor Covering

Barely Home Companion - Spring in NYC 3/00

2/25/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I the file I just found for the 1999-2000 season, the earliest item in it is dated March 28, 2000. I have nothing showing from 1999 and the beginning of 2000. They did a show in Scotland in January and I suspect I submitted my Bagpipes sketch, a bit of silliness about the invention of bagpipes. It was an old bit, I did with a theater group, but it was Scottish! It wasn't used.

Anyway, the show was in repeats until NY in March. I came up with this bit, talking about springtime in NY and how horrible it used to be. The Old Timer was a rip-off of Dana Carvey's Cranky Old Man ("Things were horrible and we LOVED it!") but the twist was talking something as lovely as spring and making it seem horrible. It came out pretty well. I thought I was writing to GK's voice well now and I was starting to write him as the bemused straight man to the oddballs that wandered on mike.

Too bad PHC didn't like it...

SPRING IN NYC

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