I wrote a ton of material for the show. Starting at 2 skits per show for 36 weeks or so, sometimes more, sometimes less. As my involvement wound down, it was just a sketch per week. As I've whined about elsewhere, communication with the contributing writers was very lackadaisical. My procedure, after a while, was to go to the PHC website and pull up their "Upcoming Shows" page (where they sold the tickets for the shows). It would tell be what live shows were scheduled for the month, when there were repeats, where the show would be broadcasting from and the scheduled guests, if known. So that first summer, I was checking the site almost daily, waiting for them to post the schedule. Once I had it, I started writing.
The Olympics had been broadcast the summer of 2000, so it seemed like a logical thing to reference on the first show back that October. Also, Garrison Keillor loved doing these sound effects-ladled sketches, that were pretty much written so they could do a bunch of SFX. I really enjoyed writing them as they could be goofy and I enjoy goofy. The marriage of these two concepts seemed to be a perfect match. Alas, it was not used.
I would sit and listen to the show most weekends and just mutter to myself about how much stronger my skit was than the ones they were actually using. Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty petty. So, released from the hard drive, for the first time anywhere is...
Radio Olympics
(flame sounds)
GK: ...to the release of the doves...
(flapping sound)
GK: ...marred only by the fact that the doves flew too close to the flames...
(flame swoosh, eek sounds)
GK: Team PHC was there in force. We came to compete and we did exceptionally well in the lift and moo...
(cow moo)
GK: ...and the free style door slam...
(door slam)
GK: And we even set the world record in the synchronized fog horn...
(series of fog horns)
GK: We captured the gold in all three events. It wasn't a perfect competition, however. We were out-of-the money in the indoor rant and finished a poor fourth in the two man lewd. But we finished up strong in the field events, including the 2x4, which is the event where you hit a melon with a 2x4...
(splat)
GK: ...the hop, skip and BOING...
(foot falls and a boing)
GK: ...and Tom Keith had a personal best in the 100 meter chicken...
(chicken clucks)
GK: With outstanding team effort on the relay slide whistle...
(slide whistling)
GK: We smashed the other teams like so many balsa wood guitars. We did have one set back when Tom pulled a hamstring on the car horn and honk.
(car horns, violin plink)
TK: Ow! My leg!
GK: He's on the mend. So we're very proud of our team, and we can't wait until the winter Radio Olympics in just two years. We've already begun training in such event as the schuss & shoot...
(skiing sounds then gun sounds)
GK: ...the very popular ice spinning.
(spinning noises)
GK: And a new event, the caribou toss...
(caribou moo and a thud)
GK: And we thank you and all our supporters in our quest to bring home the gold!
end