Category: Sketch - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion - 50th Anniversary (Jan. '06)

1/17/2025

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Reading this bit and doing the math, I think I was inspired by my parents' anniversary party. They reached 50 years in December 2005 and we threw them a party. Nothing major, but a nice restaurant for 60 or so. There was no get fights or anything, but the usual family dynamics continued to be in play. Again, nothing major, but enough to get the "What if-?" part of my brain thinking and slowly assemble this sketch. I forget how I decided to my the speakers the jerks but it seemed like the natural thing to do. And I had fun coming up with the various Ben acts that only reenforced their opinions of him. Until you realize, maybe they're wrong. I've certainly seen that happen occasionally.

Unfortunately (for me), they didn't use it. It's not a bad little sketch. And it seems like something I could repurpose for various festivals I'm submitting to nowadays. We'll see. Until such time, we present it here:

50th Anniversary

Barely Home Companion - Small Talk Brigade (Jan. '06)

1/10/2025

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Back in 2005, we were still getting the TSA up to speed. 9/11 had forced them to up their game and handle more people and more situations. Shoe bombs, underwear bombs, crying babies, were all now turning up as weapons against the west. Scanning technology was still being refined, so the TSA had to approach their task from different angles.

They went with inter-personal skills. Sure, watching the baggage was important, but who was watching and judging the passengers? As I learned about TSA training, I thought it was a premise for a solid bit. Without any fanfare, I simply churned it out as an episode of a series. No "next on public radio," no "welcome to another chapter," I just launched into it, without even specifically making GK the announcer.

I happen to like this bit, but I took a pass on it. Oh, well.

Small Talk Brigade

Barely Home Companion - New Year’s Noise Makers (Dec. '05)

12/27/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Don't recall much about this sketch, but upon reading it, it's pretty cute. I stared going for a SFX sketch, which I liked to do because a) it's radio [duh], b) it was a recurring bit for the show and c) I hoped the SFX guy might like it and try to push for it to get more air time. I noticed I got a Walmart joke in there, with the proto-War on Christmas the right would rant about even though it was corporate America that practiced the generic "Happy Holidays" so they wouldn't have to order different signs every week from autumn to year's end.

But it starts as a SFX bit then slides into the absurd, which works then caps it all for with a salute to noise makers. Again, I think PHC missed a bet here not using it, but that was par for the course in the mid-naughts for me. Enjoy the read and happy New Year's!

New Year’s Noise Makers

Barely Home Companion - Clyde Wilson: Christmas Daredevil (Dec. '05)

12/20/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This is cute little bit that I do remember writing. I took the idea of the last-minute shopper (based on people I know) and turned it into character who you would follow on reality TV. Or in this case, reality radio. I followed the typical "another episode" format the show was so fond of. I strung together some standard "last minute shopper" conceits. I even made a "Tree Grows in Brooklyn" reference. I worked in a smoking outside joke and I written for something else. And it had some heft to it. A lot of my sketches were shrinking in length. I thought it was a a sure-fire idea for PHC. It wasn't.

Clyde Wilson: Christmas Daredevil

Barely Home Companion - Red State Christmas (Dec. '05)

12/13/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

My goodness, I was must have been very angry when I wrote this. Song parodies. Political humor. Bad puns. It's all here. And, worse, with some minor re-writing, it's totally applicable to day. People forget we've been dealing with this Red State/Blue State divide for a while now. The war on Christmas has been an annual claim for many, many seasons. The bellyaching I heard back then hasn't changed much. Maybe just angrier.

I note I didn't put GK in as the announcer. Did I think it was too outrageous for him? I was to be one of those hyperactive TV announcer types (not Garrison's thing at all) but the "decorated" joke was right up his alley. It got a pass, but it's a pretty solid bit, if I do say so myself.

Red State Christmas

Barely Home Companion - A Holiday Carol (Dec. '05)

12/6/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Before woke became woke, there were the rumblings of the annual "War on Christmas" nonsense. I decided to jump aboard although, now reading this all these years later, I'm not sure whose case I was making. Except mocking commercialism. That was always a thing. But people were claiming that we weren't being allowed to say "Merry Christmas" by liberals. Their proof? Big retail companies were using the phrase "Happy Holidays," which allowed them to put up their holiday decorations early and keep them up longer without having to spend extra to swap them out. Forced to acknowledge that their stores operate in a multi-cultural society and wanting to welcome as many customers as possible, corporations started to be more generic about their wintertime greetings. And this angered (and still angers) people who want to be the center of attention and won't share the cultural spotlight.

Couched as a ad for an upcoming NPR special (as PHC often used), it's a look at Dicken's tale but without the word Christmas. I actually named Walmart, which at the time was dictating retail rules, setting up deals with China for products and underselling everyone thanks to it. So dealing with a communistic, atheistic dictatorship was really working for them. And proto-MAGA (then the Tea Party) loved them for it...to a point.

The piece didn't get used; it's all attitude and no real jokes, so I get it. Anyway, Season's Greetings, everyone!

A Holiday Carol

Barely Home Companion - It's the Most Wonderful Life (Nov. '05)

11/29/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I think this is one of those deal where I wrote the song parody for ACN and it was passed on. Now, it's was kind of a risky submission; PHC wasn't exactly known for its song parodies. So I wrote up a little intro to it which came out pretty good, upon re-reading it now. It's a little early in the season, but I couldn't be too precious about my material to PHC and sit on stuff, any stuff, I thought up.

I really like the way the song came out. Tight, scans well and makes all the right movie references with a couple twists here and there.

It didn't get picked but you can hum along now with:

It's the Most Wonderful Life

Barely Home Companion - Debbie’s Free-Range Accidentally Killed Turkey Farm (Nov. '05)

11/22/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

There was quite a break from Halloween to Thanksgiving. I've tried to get this sketch on it's feet so many times I can't remember whether I pulled it out of the file for this or if I wrote it for here and tried to resubmit afterward. I even re-worked it a bit to be a Christmas holiday sketch and even slipped it into a rom-com I wrote. It's basically a silly bit, but also kind of dark. It seems like it belongs with one of my Gravy Hut or Anchor Store skits, but it plays very different.

It got a pass on multiple fronts, so we'll just present it here:

Debbie’s Free-Range Accidentally Killed Turkey Farm

Barely Home Companion - Get Out the Vote (Nov. '05)

11/1/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Election time was coming up and I went to my go-to premise, election ads. This was back when election ads had started to lose touch with reality. Negative ads were all the rage, pun intended. And national politics was now washing over all elections at any level. No matter the level of office, everyone had to hop on the coattails of whomever was in the White House. Is was not always the logical way to run a campaign. PHC didn't go for it. I'd written running gags for them in the past and they never made it on, so I'm sure that was a strike against me. But I tried it again anyway.

Getting out the vote in 4 parts:

Barely Home Companion - Halloween Haunting (Oct '05)

10/25/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

As Haloween approached, I was looking to create holiday-themed sketches. Sometimes Keillor would paint these aural landscapes, beyond his Lake Woebegon monologues, where the entire company would get involved. I maybe got too elaborate with these, thinking the cast could easily populate epic sketch. They rarely did "epic" sketches.

I basically gathered up all my monster puns and half-baked monster ideas and a few Bugs Bunny jokes and strung them together with GK acting as our guide through a haunted house. I also threw in a couple of topic jokes, like a GOP official outing a CIA agent in the press.

In the end, I combined this with a similar radio sketch I did the year before to create a version of the bit that was produced over at Headfone.com, part of my Spooky Time Theater program.

Halloween Haunting

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