Category: Radio - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion - The Hawaiian Rule (1/02)

1/5/2021

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I've forgotten what an overhaul this sketch had gotten from my submission. The show was since on its road trip and was doing the show from Hawaii. I broke the cardinal rule of writing for PHC, doing TV references. And that little bit of the bit is simply a set up to the main part of the sketch, a SFX skit about coconuts, which I had totally forgotten about. So, Garrison actually took my premise that the FCC requires all broadcast shows to do episodes from Hawaii, and swapped out my TV references (Brady Bunch, Sanford and Son) with other dated TV references like Mr. Ed, Gomer Pyle, Ed Sullivan...and Arthur Godfrey.). Obviously, they turned it into a bit that showcased Tim Russell vocal talents. Some of my references (I Love Lucy, Elvis) got in but vastly reworked. I guess because of that, I got no on air or online credit for the bit. But the SFX half is a pretty good, silly premise with the usual type of SFX antics. Sorry that didn't make it in.

The full show ishere. I put the broadcast version of the sketch below.

The Hawaiian Rule

Barely Home Companion - Taliban 12/22/01

12/22/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Meanwhile, back at life in post 9/11...With the hunt on for Osama Bin Laden after the terrorist attacks, there were lots of reports of where he was alleged to be. And he kept releasing videos. And kept declaring one jihad after another, to keep his base energized. And that's where the idea for this sketch came from, that he's in the cave reduced to declaring jihads on every little annoyance. Seemed like a classic sketch premise.

Now what they did to it was use the premise, use the gags, reorder them, reword them and then have it wander off into some weird winter wonderland bit. And for that, the credit reads:

© Garrison Keillor 2001, additional material by Dan Fiorella

I often joked that Garrison Keillor was exactly the kind of guy the WGA was created to fight. As I've said before, GK was pretty random with credits and here is the strongest display of his randomness. It's obviously my work, tinkered with. I am hardly the "additional material," he is. Hey, yeah, it's been a long time, but if I just silently accept it, the terrorists win. But as some outsider, I was grateful to be reminded that they were still reading my submissions and seeing stuff good enough to use. And pay for. Here's my version of the skit followed by the broadcast version that PHC archived here.

Bin Laden, Done That

Barely Home Companion - Being North Dakota (Dec. 2001)

12/15/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Here's one of those times it sucks to be a stringer. They were doing another road show. So I did some research and one of the news items for North Dakota back in 2001 was an effort to re-name the state. That sounded like a solid premise for a sketch. So I wrote it up and submitted it. And they used it. Or rather, re-purposed it. A truncated version of the bit winds up in that week's Guy Noir adventure, as the premise to kick off his latest case. Just mentioning the idea of renaming the state got a huge laugh. After that, they just run through the gag names without much commitment and then they go off on a lot bit about a finished basement and accents. But, the check cleared, and I picked up shared credit on the skit:

© Garrison Keillor, Dan Fiorella 2001

So, here's the original skit and an edited recording the broadcast version of my material below. The link to the full bit on the PHC site is here.

Being North Dakota

Barely Home Companion - A Charlie Brown Mid-Life Christmas (12/01)

12/13/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This was a strange run for me. They used some of my writing during the month of December, but never quite in the context I wrote it. I had this piece called A Charlie Brown Mid-Life Christmas which I adapted for radio and submitted. Granted, it faced the hurdle of being too TV, but, it's Peanuts, for heaven's sake and a classic Christmas special. Anyway, they lifted one line from my piece and used it in one of his Barry Minot sketches, a running bit he did that sounded like many of the other running bits he did. I got an "Additional material" credit for my efforts:

© Garrison Keillor 2001, additional material by Dan Fiorella

I posted my version of the sketch a couple of Christmases ago (the link is above) as a "Skit Happens" entry. The broadcast version is below, with the PHC page here. They saved my line for the big ending.

Sketchy Tales: Christmas Edition - Do You Know the Way to Santa Claus? (12/00)

12/22/2019

This was the first thing I sold to ACN radio. Granted, it was massively rewritten, but the idea of substituting "Santa Claus" for "San Jose" was totally mine. For the season, I pulled out the original parody lyrics, then I'm pasting the produced version below. I liked my version a lot, even working it into one of my screenplays.

Do You Know the Way to Santa Claus
by Dan Fiorella
(sung to the tune of "Do You Know the Way to San Jose?")

Do you know the way to Santa Claus?
I've been away so long, my life's gone wrong, I need a pause.
Do you know the way to Santa Claus?
I'm going back to find some peace on earth with Santa Claus.

Noel is a great big season.
Spend a hundred now, and spend some more.
In a week, maybe two, you're back in the store.
Changing gifts and stuff back into cash.
And all the toys you treasured so
Are broken now and in the trash.

I need to believe in Santa Claus.
He's got a lot to give, not just to kids, but to us all.
I was born and raised on Santa Claus.
I'm going back to find some jingle time with Santa Claus.

The North Pole should be a magnet.
It's the place where Christmas spirit reigns.
Free of greed and the deeds that drive you insane.
Santa is the man who shows the way;
With peace on earth, good will toward man
and that's the point of Christmas day.

We've all got a friend in Santa Claus.
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoooo.
Do you know the ways of Santa Claus?
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoooo.
Can't wait to get back to Santa Claus!
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoooo.

Sketchy Tales: Christmas Edition - The Nick Files: Lost Claus

12/25/2018

This is a special bit for me. As I've described elsewhere, Lost Claus was a labor of love for me. And it was often in my thoughts. It was a screenplay and a book. I created a radio play of it and submitted it as a Guy Noir audio play. The parallels were very strong between my Nick Flebber and Guy Noir, since they were both broader takes on the typical Hollywood private eye. Anyway, PHC passed. I salvaged that and converted it back into a radio adaption to submit to radio troupes that I found online. One group ran a contest and I entered and finished in the money, which meant they performed my piece as part of their show. I got a copy and preserved it here. It starts out all "Lost Claus" but the ending I hijacked off of something else I had written many years before, a comic book that I made to goof on my days at K-mart, which I passed around to my co-workers. That's where the character Ebeneezer J. Grinch was born, as a stingy store manager trying to lock down Christmas.

And, of course, Skit Happens is brought to you by "Lost Claus," the hilarious tale of abduction, blackmail and elves. What happens when Santa goes missing? Find out in "Lost Claus" available at Amazon!

Sketchy Tales-Halloween Flashback; King Kong

10/11/2018

March of 2008, the Peter Jackson-directed remake of King Kong is made, for some reason.

So, I decided to parody it in song. I originally went with a Mad magazine attitude, where no matter how good the movie actually is, you write the parody as if it were awful. Some of the edges got sanded off by ACN. Originally, ACN was iffy about doing it at all, saying they didn't have a "Steve Martin" voice guy. But they had done an earlier skit of mine, where I goofed on Steve Martin movies and they had a guy that said "Well excuse me!" really well, and I said that sounded great to me, so they went ahead with it. Or visa-versa.
Anyway, all in good fun and here to remind you to get a copy of Halloweenies today!

Sketchy Tales: Halloween Flashback- Bag o'Leaves

10/7/2018

I always got a nice reception to this bit. Written for and produced by the Prairie Home Companion team in October 2002. Granted, it's more of an Autumn piece than a Halloween piece, but, hey, 'tis that season. I was very excited when they did this bit, it's the first time of a very few, that they did one of my scripts verbatim. Such a talented group.

[ETA 10/8/19] I pulled out my journal from this time and I did make a note about submitting it. I had written it the previous year, but too late for autumn. I sat on it for a year. As noted, I was always a fan of Halloween, so I was going to bury them in Halloween sketches. They rarely used them. Weirdly, I don't even mention about them using this. Towards the end of the month I note that a check is on the way. Another, at the time, desperately needed check. That was my measuring stick then. I missed a lot of the joy back then because of finances.

Halloween Flashback-War of the Worms

10/5/2018

The directors cut of the On the Air Radio Players production of 1/3 of my submission to that year's contest...

Halloween Flashback - Watch Vampires

10/1/2018

As was often the case, if ACN passed on a sketch of mine, it got submitted to All Star Radio, who would, as often as not, buy and produce it. As they did with this bit from Aug 2012, at the height of "Twilight" mania. But fits in perfectly for our holiday theme...

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