​​​​​​​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

I guess I'm doing this to remind myself about all the material I've written over the years.  I have no memory of this sketch.  It's a quick commercial parody for a dumb product, which I must have backed into with the name of the product.  I'm reading it and it definitely reads like a PHC sketch, with the couple at odds over the whole concept.  I should check to see if I peddled it to the other radio outlets I was dealing with at the time.  It really would fit in most places.  Maybe I need to mind the files for internet content.  If only I had production abilities or connections.

They didn't use the bit.  And the show was taking a few weeks off before doing a series of shows on the road, some within Minnesota. 

​​​​​​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

Just some random silliness.  Pirates were becoming a recurring theme in my comedy.  Video pirates who were recording Hollywood movies to bootleg, porch pirates stealing packages, Last Pirate Standing, a game show video (that actually went to air), medical eye patch commercials.  It's a fun thing to write about.  Getting them picked is a different story.  There had been stories about schools putting on productions of plays without getting permission.  Some where they didn't even get a script, a teacher transcribed a play from memory.  So, it seemed like the most logical next step for piracy, me bucco!

​​​​​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

Remember back to when the worse thing a vice-president could do was shoot someone in the face?  But, then, like now, there was never any pushback on it.  Dick Cheney shot a guy and got away with it.  In fact the guy had to apologize to him.  This was kind of a inflection point with the GOP to where in the future a candidate for office could brag about shooting people on 5th Ave. and not lose support.  

I don't know if I thought PHC would use a sketch like this.  I mean, I thought it worked.  And it was topical.  And I thought a decent take on the news, but maybe it was a bit too stringent for the radio show.  Didn't get picked.  But it's a good snapshot of another time and place.

​​​​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

Here's one I had forgotten about.  The Catsup stuff was a regular bit on the show, and it was award show season, so why not combine them? I had some movie related jokes to get out of my system (Hollywood's obsession with rehashes, reboots and sequels),   I really like the line "metaphorical water cooler."  How did I come up with that?  I thought I really captured the essence of Ketchup.  They didn't use it, but since it is award season again, it's a good time to post, right?

​​​​​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

The year 2006 wasn't a great time for the auto industry.  Obama had to bail out Detroit and so did George W.  New technology was eluding them and old technology was locked in.  Cars from overseas were ruling the market and layoffs were the norm.  The perfect time to mock the car makers, no?

The more things change, the more they stay the same.  (The sketch wasn't used, BTW)

HENRY: Hi, I’m Henry Forged the Third, President, CEO, Founder and Chairman of the Board of Forged Motors.  As you may have heard, we here at Forged have been having a hard time of it.  But thanks to laying off a bunch of people and paying for a bunch of new commercials, I think you'll see things start to turn around.  

Sure, we now realized that maybe building a car called the Forged Glutton wasn’t the brightest idea.  

(sound of engine starting, then gulping sounds)

I mean, really, we thought it up when gas was only 2 dollars a gallon.  Who know it would cost more than milk?  And just because people went nuts over Sports Utility Vehicles that really wasn’t a good reason to run out and build the SUV XXXL. 

(sound of huge monster engine starting up, ship horn blows)

      Of course now we realize that by “hybrid technology,” people didn’t mean an automobile that uses both gasoline and nuclear power.  So much for the Forged Fission.  
      
      (sci-fi pulsing sound)
      
      But we at Forge Motors are desperate to prove to that we have our thumb on the pulse of America and that we understand your transportation needs, as well has those of your chauffeurs.  You know, I remember a time when people wouldn't buy a German car because we fought the Nazis in World War II.  I wish we had those people around today.  We fought Japan in that war, too, you know.  Yet you all go out buying their cars like they weren't guilty of horrible wartime atrocities.  What’s up with that?
      
      Anyway, we’re retooling and we’re repositioning ourselves to retake the American automobile market.
      
      (banging and hammering)
      
      It’ll take hard work, some lobbyists, tariffs and a bunch more layoffs.  Oh, yeah, and outsourcing.  Can’t forget the outsourcing.  
      
      We’re bringing in the best and brightest engineers, people who are the cutting edge of Amish technology.  Yes, soon you’ll be able to own the Forged Surry or the Forged Perambulator. 
      
      (horse whiney, clip-clop)
      
      Yes, we’ll be putting the horse back into horsepower.  It was my granddad, Henry Forged the First, who said he wanted to make a car that his own employees could afford.  Since we now have way less employees, that means more cars for you, so come on down to your local Forge dealer and check them out.

ANNOUNCER: Forge Motors.  America’s number one automaker until recently. Hey, at least we're not GM.

                                                                              end

​​​​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

Yeah, it was one of those weeks where the ideas were slow.  But I had this one sketch in my back pocket.  This is one of those sketches I wrote and fell in love with.  Alas, I was the only one who did. 

The idea just popped into my head.  It all flowed.  I was thrilled when each song parody practically presented themselves to me completely.  And I got such a charge out of writing them, getting the right song to use, getting them to scan right.  
​
Back in the day, the Enron scandal was huge news.  These people who went around claiming to be the smartest ones in the room, only to have their whole scam fall apart so spectacularly. And to me, the whole affair reminded me of Mel Brook's movie, "The Producers," which had now been turned into a musical, so once I had a parody in my head, I let it go from there.  I submitted it around.  Too long for some.  Too music-y for others.  Too topical for the rest.  And follows the flow of The Producers too closely.  However, these I all see as its strengths.

But, as I said, if I had a slow creative week, I pulled stuff out of the files and I send this to PHC.  It was really a Hail Mary, I had no expectation they would even consider it.  It wasn't used and it was time to pack away this sketch, whose time and come and gone.  Twenty years later, it's not less dated, either:

​​​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

The more I read over this George W. sketches, the more I see how the GOP has been running the same con since the Tea Party days.  One of Bush's staff took the squeaker of a win, declared it a mandate and bragged that they now created the reality that the nation had to live in.  Before there was "alternate facts" there was "truthiness," where people made pronouncements based on their "gut feelings" about issues.  And basing the sketch on things that the administration had been saying, I extended out to a sketch.

Bush was a "regular" on the show, the show had an excellent performer who did a slick Bush,   and I even managed to get s Bush sketch on air.  I often wrote up one as my topical humor submission but there were no guarantees.

Now we can see how Trump saw this behavior and how it dovetailed so nicely into his branding and worldview (or lack thereof).  Only he was bright enough to run things and everyone else was wrong.  I mean, how much of a leap is it to go from calling "disloyal" to "enemies of the state."  The rogues who now run the party aren't held back by traditions, rules or laws.  So they just declare something and work from that premise.

See how I called it back in 2005:

Reading this bit and doing the math, I think I was inspired by my parents' anniversary party.  They reached 50 years in December 2005 and we threw them a party.  Nothing major, but a nice restaurant for 60 or so.  There was no get fights or anything, but the usual family dynamics continued to be in play.  Again, nothing major, but enough to get the "What if-?" part of my brain thinking and slowly assemble this sketch.  I forget how I decided to my the speakers the jerks but it seemed like the natural thing to do.  And I had fun coming up with the various Ben acts that only reenforced their opinions of him.  Until you realize, maybe they're wrong.  I've certainly seen that happen occasionally. 

Unfortunately (for me), they didn't use it.  It's not a bad little sketch.  And it seems like something I could repurpose for various festivals I'm submitting to nowadays.  We'll see.  Until such time, we present it here:

​​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

Back in 2005, we were still getting the TSA up to speed.  9/11 had forced them to up their game and handle more people and more situations.  Shoe bombs, underwear bombs, crying babies, were all now turning up as weapons against the west.  Scanning technology was still being refined, so the TSA had to approach their task from different angles.  

They went with inter-personal skills.  Sure, watching the baggage was important, but who was watching and judging the passengers?  As I learned about TSA training, I thought it was a premise for a solid bit.  Without any fanfare, I simply churned it out as an episode of a series.  No "next on public radio," no "welcome to another chapter," I just launched into it, without even specifically making GK the announcer.  

​I happen to like this bit, but I took a pass on it.  Oh, well.

​​​​From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion."  I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie."  It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there.  But, like any other job, there were...things...

Don't recall much about this sketch, but upon reading it, it's pretty cute.  I stared going for a SFX sketch, which I liked to do because a) it's radio [duh], b) it was a recurring bit for the show and c) I hoped the SFX guy might like it and try to push for it to get more air time.  I noticed I got a Walmart joke in there, with the proto-War on Christmas the right would rant about even though it was corporate America that practiced the generic "Happy Holidays" so they wouldn't have to order different signs every week from autumn to year's end. 

But it starts as a SFX bit then slides into the absurd, which works then caps it all for with a salute to noise makers.  Again, I think PHC missed a bet here not using it, but that was par for the course in the mid-naughts for me.  Enjoy the read and happy New Year's!