| Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large |
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One of my odder writing gigs was a freelance job I had from 2007 to 2013, writing for the conservative news site, Newsbusters.
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One of my odder writing gigs was a freelance job I had from 2007 to 2013, writing for the conservative news site, Newsbusters.  I have to say, that even though the series was seriously bias (because, you know, everyone else was too bias the other way) Newsbusted did do a couple of things right. They often ended the set with a general pop culture or neutral current events story, so that gave me some wiggle room on submissions. They were open to more absurdist punchlines that came from a less stringent angle. And they let me do some self-referencing jokes about doing the show itself and how little everyone was making. Sometimes just making a joke about the item, inside of being against it, was enough for them. I was going to to their site every day to check the "news stories" that were making them angry. Then I started following some other sites they linked to find out what was annoying them as well and turn it into a joke. There are some scary rabbit holes out there. I wrote about the fine folks over at Gateway Pundit about it once... Even by September I was doubting my ability to keep working for them. I wrote "Saw the bit on "Newsbusted" The guy's delivery is okay. Material is weak. Even my NBC news/illegal immigrant line was stupid. Plus--I'm still kicking myself for not including the topper--"Not only should it increase ratings, they work a lot cheaper!"
In October I write that I got the latest check. "I feel dirty, but" it's a check!  One of my odder writing gigs was a freelance job I had from 2007 to 2013. I was writing jokes for Valleyheart Productions in LA. What was Valleyheart Productions? They produced a weekly comedy video for the wacky folks over at Newsbuster.org, the home of irrational political discourse.
Now, how did I, a NPR-produced, Garrison Keillor-style tax & spend liberal, wind up writing conservative comedy for a humorless Tea-Partisan organization? Easy, I responded to a Craigslist ad. A gentleman, whom I came to know as Eric Peterkofsky, was hunting for comedy writers who could write jokes from a more conservative perspective. I'm not a very political person, but if I'm annoyed at something I can come up with some jokes. And, I'm pretty good at reading a room and designing jokes to fit it. So, I submitted some sample jokes. Probably some anti-Hillary jokes. That was like catnip for them. I took this as a challenge. I don't think it's bragging to say I can write good comedy. But trying to write right-wing comedy? It's like capturing a unicorn or a compassionate conservative; does it exist? And, to be honest, I really didn't have much going on at the time and a gig's a gig. My sample worked. Eric did a demo for the Newsbuster site and he was brought in to produce a weekly "Weekend Update" style video, joking on the liberal follies of the day. Here's the thing, conservatives (Bob Hope, Milton Berle) can do great comedy, but conservative comedy is not a thing. First, it's very hard to create comedy solely by agenda because the comedy will always come in second. Bob Hope was famous for poking fun at everyone. Conservatives will not poke fun at other conservatives (unless they go rogue). And what they do go on about sounds like a sermon. I'll also note here that comedy is best when it punches up, speaking truth to power. Making fun of women, civil rights and immigrants really isn't "punching up." I quickly learned that Conservative comedy usually was simply a matter of putting the words "Hillary" or "Obama" as the punchline and turning up the laugh-track. Look, not everybody in politics is right all the time. Not every program is a good one. So, I was able to find things to mock. Also, sometimes, it's very, very easy to pander to and mimic the audience. Once they got the green light, I began submitting material. At first I was submitting it daily, going to the Newsbusters website, seeing what their latest outrage was and trying to turn it into a joke, with an actual punchline. And I was hitting the mark. I was getting 2 to 3 jokes a week in. And not to brag, mine were the most solid ones in the videos. And also, mine actual jokes.  Well, it's the end of the year, which means the gang at my old job is out looking for donations. The conservative news parody web series, Newsbusted, is looking for donations to stay in business for another year. Because, you know, that's how the free market works. I know things are tough because they're forced to reuse the punchlines they were using when I was there. It's gotten so tough, now every joke has to end with the tag "Obamacare."
Well, they missed the opportunity to use some jokes again this week:
There was a lot of negative reaction to President Obama’s 2012 State of the Union Address, or as FOX was calling it, “President Obama’s Last State of the Union Address.” Facing bankruptcy, the U.S. Postal Service is planning to close more than half of its 500 mail processing centers which would slow first-class mail delivery. At least that’s what someone tweeted me.
Just before Thanksgiving, PETA issued a demand that the city of Turkey, Texas, to change its name to 'Tofurky' for Thanksgiving. Because they have just that much time on their hands...
ABC News reported that Pakistanis are complaining about CIA drone attacks against terrorists inside Pakistan...because it’s killing repeat business.
The jokes that didn't make the cut last week:
After 72 days of matrimony, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from husband Kris Humphries… …apparently she didn’t want to be demoted from “Kardashian” to “Basketball Wife.” …poor Bruce Jenner. He went and got that facelift for nothing. …72 days. That’s barely enough time to get a sex tape made. …no word yet on who gets custody of the Twitter account. |
Dan FiorellaFreelance writer, still hacking away. 
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