Category: Political Stuff - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Cracked: A Look Backed- Sylvester on the Stump 8/20

7/12/2023

One of my steadiest gigs was writing for Cracked Magazine. I talked about it here.

After Cracked was sold by Dick Kulpa to a confusion of people, we were all out of work. The new owners wanted little or nothing to do with the former crowd. A lot of us wound up on a Facebook group page. Some stories are told, old pieces reposted and vague memories shared. And then, the administrator of the page, author and comic nerd, Chet Jasper Reams decided to try something new. Which was create new content.

Back in 2020, there was a presidential election. Maybe you read about it. Reams dropped me a DM and asked if I might consider writing up a short piece about the mascot, Sylvester, running for president. I'm sure I don't know if he contacted anyone else, but I said, "Sure." I tend to to that. I wrote up a bit and sent it in. Then something amazing happened. He got it to artist Bruce Bolinger to draw it! That was in late July, 2020. By the end of August it was posted on the group page.

Something new is bubbling now, but it got me to thinking about that article and I figured I should include it on the blog. So, this is

Sylvester on the Stump 2020

Barely Home Companion: I've got a Secret Agent (Oct. '03)

9/23/2022

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Ah, yes, political humor during the W. Bush administration. It wrote itself. At this time, there was a big scandal that a member of the administration was leaking the name of a active spy. Here's a bit from Wikipedia:

The Plame affair (also known as the CIA leak scandal and Plamegate) was a political scandal that revolved around journalist Robert Novak's public identification of Valerie Plame as a covert Central Intelligence Agency officer in 2003

An official tried to undermine the Republicans with the truth about Iraq and the weapons of mass destruction they supposedly had lying around. We got into a whole big war about it. The sketch doesn't get into any of that, but I decided to have Bush visit the show (he had before and would again-their guy did a good Bush impression) and just start dropping spy names all over the place. It was the simplest way to take a news story and convert it into a comedy routine. Oh, and the names he drops? Those all all people I knew, part of the comedy troupe Style without Substance that I had worked with back in the late 80s. I thought they'd get a kick out of hearing their names on air. Too bad it never happened. The sketch didn't make the cut that week...

I've got a Secret Agent

Barely Home Companion - The Adventures of the Code Orange Squad (Feb. 2003)

2/25/2022

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I was disappointed this sketch didn't make it to air. We were coming up to the midterm elections, with the presidential elections after that. The Bush White House then came up with a plan to handle it. Every time there was good news or exceptional polling for the Democrats, the White House would suddenly declare a "Code Orange" to freak everyone out. After 9/11, the administration put together a chart with levels of alert the population should maintain. It ranged from "Go about your business" to "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!" And every time things would calm down, some bad news would come out about the Republicans and suddenly we were on maximum alert to wipe it out of the news cycle. It was insane and infuriating. And so blatant. And it worked every time. I wanted to call them out on it, in my own little way. This is what came of that.

The Adventures of the Code Orange Squad

TMI: Daily-Week of March 15, 2021

3/19/2021

It was a pretty solid week for me on TMI. I got many jokes in. Of course there was some re-working of punchlines; the term "recorded" got changed to "TiVo" (because it's hipper?). My phrase, "We finally find voter fraud and this is it????" became a long winded explanation defining the GOP's actions about the fraud. I was surprised to find "duh" got left as-is. My line, "So he hasn’t even bothered to come up with new material during his down time?" which insinuates that Trump is on the level of a comedian got altered to actually using the term "comedian." But the 18th was an odd day where a lot of my set-ups were used, but the punchlines were flipped around. I am absolutely including them, as my structure and logic are there. For instance, my line about the Texas electric bills being forgiven so that people didn't have to pay was "But, make sure you don't forgive the politicians and businesses who allowed it all to happen in the first place" jumping off the term forgiven. It got rewritten to "the business men who caused it won't pay either" playing off the word "pay" instead and inverting my warning to not forgive them to assuming they won't pay. Different sides of the same coin, right?

The "Biden won the election" was reworded for some reason, but the exact same intent. And the Brad Pit joke took my "HBO docu-series" punchline and made it a long, winding sentence to get to the same place and beat you over the head with it. As for the 19th, they took one of my earlier joke punchlines ("another broken campaign promised" and recycled on a joke that very closely resembles a submission from 2 weeks ago. The CDC set up was mine, verbatim, and the cow/seaweed joke. The punchlines were totally different though. The CDC went from "how kids away from school too long think 3 feet is twice as far as six" and the cow joke was simply silly, about getting the cows to the beach instead of some weird knock on LA lifestyles. Is seaweed diets a thing in L.A.? Anyway, you'll have to go to the TMI: Hollywood FB page to hear those, as I didn't include them. Then there was the talk radio joke. I used the word "business" first and changed it to "racket" in the actual submission. Then they changed it back to "business" and added the word recently. Why? It's fascinating to see these changes, big and small, happen. All this time and I really don't think we've created a "voice" for Tonya, although once in a while I try to through in something off speed to see what she does with it. But since I'm not in any writing rooms, I'm totally in the dark as to why it occurs.

Anyway, just to remind everyone, TMI: Daily is on the TMI: Hollywood Facebook Page weeknights at 6pm on (Hollywood time). And here's my contributions for last week:

Barely Home Companion - Enron: the Musical! Mar. '02

3/5/2021

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This sketch I was really proud of. I went through a phrase of song parodies, writing for ACN and such, but when the Enron sandal hit, I just saw it as the exact plot of The Producers-a company that could make more money (for the owners) failing than succeeding. Power companies were selling off their power plants and only wanted to deliver the electricity without have to concern themselves about producing the power, maintaining the plants or keeping the infrastructure intact. And this sketch just came out of all of that. None of the songs are from the Producers musical. The play opening in April 2001 and ran until 2007. I didn't see until the final years, so I didn't know those songs. Actually, all these years later, I still don't, really. I peddled this skit around to everyone. It was a writing sample for a while because it was too long for my radio outlets and I didn't have a real stage outlet then. I finally just adapted it for PHC. I knew this was a long shot going in and I was right. But, in light of the recent events in Texas (home of Enron), the sketch still seems relevant.

Enron: The Musical!

TMI: Daily-Week of Feb. 8, 2021

2/15/2021

No two ways about it, it was a tough week for me on TMI. Only two jokes last week. Maybe they used a couple of my topics, but the punchlines weren't even close to my take, so I'm not going to include them. I've been devoting a hour a day to this (from my day job), so I can't be all prescious about it and I really am just pounding out items. I will admit that I'm adding in my tweets, but, frankly, I've been using Twitter as a joke-creation system, using the topics that come up there as a spark for something. I do now write many of my tweets with an eye toward recycling them on TMI...so if you want to get a sneak preview, go check out @DanFiorella on Twitter. Couldn't hurt.

Anyway, to remind everyone, TMI: Daily is on the TMI: Hollywood Facebook Page weeknights at 6pm on (Hollywood time). And here's my contributions for last week:

Leave it to the Prose-Team Trump Video Updates

4/17/2020

Remember back in December 2019 when the biggest news was Trump's campaign posting (on purpose) a video where Trump was photoshopped onto the body of Thanos from Avengers: Endgame destroying everyone. Me, neither, until I turned up this bit I wrote and submitted around. Wow, the idea of Trump being responsible for the deaths of a lot a people was just a far off dream for him back then.
Anyway, here was my take on the situation back then...

Team Trump Online Video Updates

To: @Trump2020

Cc: @POTUS, @RudyColludy, @LevParnas, @ThatIgorFruman

We’re looking at the numbers on the recent video we shared on Twitter and they are insane! The video blew up big time. The people love seeing the President portrayed in a copyrighted clip as Thanos as he’s about to disintegrate the entire universe! When combined with the number of views of our tremendous “Game of Thrones” build-the-wall meme, you can see we have this election in the bag! So, with that in mind, we’ve been going through Wikipedia (not Wikileaks; LOL) to find more iconic and trademarked pop-culture characters we can infringe on. It’s quite a list!

Auric Goldfinger: this was a no brainer! Who loves gold more than Mr. Trump? Picture the scene where James Bond is tied to a table with a laser working its way up toward his groinal regions. Only, in the clip, we’ll put Nancy Pelosi’s face on Bond. So when she says, “Do you expect me to talk?” and Goldfinger/Trump replies “No, I expect you to die” our supporters will go nuts. Many clinically.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Style, wit, grace, intellect-who better displays these Trumpian characteristics than Dr. Lecter from “Silence of the Lambs”? We all agree that we should use the scene where Lecter silences all the lambs, i.e., the braying Democrats.

Zombie from “Return of the Living Dead”: We can have Zombie Trump trying to eat the brains of the Democratic leadership, but he keeps saying “These Democrats have no brains!” (If he hasn’t said it already, maybe work the phrase into his next rally) and “I’m still hungry!” (which we’re very sure is on file somewhere).

Jack Torrance: This is Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.” Just imagine having Mr. Trump come busting through the door saying “Here’s MAGA!” while Hillary (or Nancy or Barrack or James Comey or whoever’s on Mr. Trump’s Most Wanted list that week) screams in terror? That’s Trumpism in a nutshell, baby!

The Emperor from “Star Wars”: Lifetime ruler alert! Picture the scene where Emperor Palpatine (now Mr. Trump) tells Luke (now Adam Schiff) “It is of no concern. Soon the rebellion will be crushed.” Or something like that. If that doesn’t make people want to join the Trump Empire, then nothing will!

Lord Voldemort: What could be more dramatic and uplifting for the Republicans then the scene where Lord Donald finally strikes down his mortal enemy, Hillary Potter, with the forbidden spell of “Avada Kedavra” which, we believe, is Latin for “Lock her up!”

Godzilla: Hey, when you think about destroying a corrupt town like Washington D.C., what comes to mind quicker than Godzilla? Imagine Mr. Trump’s head over Godzilla’s as he stomps through town screaming “Drain the swamp” or “Lock her up” (depending on focus group feedback) and we can turn the fleeing populous as members of the Demon-cratic Party (pretty good, right? I just made that up now). In fact, we can lift a whole clip of fleeing Democrats from the Daily Show and their “World War D” footage. I’m sure they won’t mind, either.

Gollum: Okay, he’s another gold-phile, but we can have the scene were Frodo is trying to throw the ring (say, the Constitution) into the flaming fires of Mount Doom and Gollum/Trump leaps out and rescues the ring, yelling: “My precious! My precious,” which would totally be in character for Mr. Trump and his love of the Constitution.

Get back to me on any of these ideas. Me and Lester are ready to put any one of them together! And wait until you see the amazing fake Time covers we’re prepping! And we’ll make sure we don’t send out this text as a tweet again!

Newsbust'd 2

3/26/2020

One of my odder writing gigs was a freelance job I had from 2007 to 2013, writing for the conservative news site, Newsbusters.

I have to say, that even though the series was seriously bias (because, you know, everyone else was too bias the other way) Newsbusted did do a couple of things right. They often ended the set with a general pop culture or neutral current events story, so that gave me some wiggle room on submissions. They were open to more absurdist punchlines that came from a less stringent angle. And they let me do some self-referencing jokes about doing the show itself and how little everyone was making. Sometimes just making a joke about the item, inside of being against it, was enough for them.

I was going to to their site every day to check the "news stories" that were making them angry. Then I started following some other sites they linked to find out what was annoying them as well and turn it into a joke. There are some scary rabbit holes out there. I wrote about the fine folks over at Gateway Pundit about it once...

Even by September I was doubting my ability to keep working for them. I wrote "Saw the bit on "Newsbusted" The guy's delivery is okay. Material is weak. Even my NBC news/illegal immigrant line was stupid. Plus--I'm still kicking myself for not including the topper--"Not only should it increase ratings, they work a lot cheaper!"

In October I write that I got the latest check. "I feel dirty, but" it's a check!

Team Trump Online Video Updates

1/9/2020

Here's a topical piece and I lost my site that took topical pieces. Maybe I'll turn it into a sketch, but these days with the news cycles, no one will remember...

To: @Trump2020

Cc: @POTUS, @RudyColludy, @LevParnas, @ThatIgorFruman

RE: Online Video Pitches

We’re looking at the numbers on the recent video we shared on Twitter and they are insane! The video blew up big time. The people love seeing the President portrayed in a copyrighted clip as Thanos as he’s about to disintegrate the entire universe! When combined with the number of views of our tremendous “Game of Thrones” build-the-wall meme, you can see we have this election in the bag! So, with that in mind, we’ve been going through Wikipedia (not Wikileaks; LOL) to find more iconic and trademarked pop-culture characters we can infringe on. It’s quite a list!

Auric Goldfinger: this was a no brainer! Who loves gold more than Mr. Trump? Picture the scene where James Bond is tied to a table with a laser working its way up toward his groinal regions. Only, in the clip, we’ll put Nancy Pelosi’s face on Bond. So when she says, “Do you expect me to talk?” and Goldfinger/Trump replies “No, I expect you to die” our supporters will go nuts. Many clinically.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter: Style, wit, grace, intellect-who better displays these Trumpian characteristics than Dr. Lecter from “Silence of the Lambs”? We all agree that we should use the scene where Lecter silences all the lambs, i.e., the braying Democrats.

Zombie from “Return of the Living Dead”: We can have Zombie Trump trying to eat the brains of the Democratic leadership, but he keeps saying “These Democrats have no brains!” (If he hasn’t said it already, maybe work the phrase into his next rally) and “I’m still hungry!” (which we’re very sure is on file somewhere).

Jack Torrance: This is Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.” Just imagine having Mr. Trump come busting through the door saying “Here’s MAGA!” while Hillary (or Nancy or Barrack or James Comey or whoever’s on Mr. Trump’s Most Wanted list that week) screams in terror? That’s Trumpism in a nutshell, baby!

The Emperor from “Star Wars”: Lifetime ruler alert! Picture the scene where Emperor Palpatine (now Mr. Trump) tells Luke (now Adam Schiff) “It is of no concern. Soon the rebellion will be crushed.” Or something like that. If that doesn’t make people want to join the Trump Empire, then nothing will!

Lord Voldemort: What could be more dramatic and uplifting for the Republicans then the scene where Lord Donald finally strikes down his mortal enemy, Hillary Potter, with the forbidden spell of “Avada Kedavra” which, we believe, is Latin for “Lock her up!”

Godzilla: Hey, when you think about destroying a corrupt town like Washington D.C., what comes to mind quicker than Godzilla? Imagine Mr. Trump’s head over Godzilla’s as he stomps through town screaming “Drain the swamp” or “Lock her up” (depending on focus group feedback) and we can turn the fleeing populous as members of the Demon-cratic Party (pretty good, right? I just made that up now). In fact, we can lift a whole clip of fleeing Democrats from the Daily Show and their “World War D” footage. I’m sure they won’t mind, either.

Gollum: Okay, he’s another gold-phile, but we can have the scene were Frodo is trying to throw the ring (say, the Constitution) into the flaming fires of Mount Doom and Gollum/Trump leaps out and rescues the ring, yelling: “My precious! My precious,” which would totally be in character for Mr. Trump and his love of the Constitution.

Get back to me on any of these ideas. Me and Lester are ready to put any one of them together! And wait until you see the amazing fake Time covers we’re prepping! And we’ll make sure we don’t send out this text as a tweet again!

Barely Home Companion: Pollster (10/00)

10/21/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

As stated, the election of 2000 was nuts. There were a lot of dirty tricks and rumors and inunedo that was being batted about. And we started to see "push polling" where the supposedly unbiased pollster was pushing some agenda with the questions. I thought I would take it to its logical conclusion. Was I influenced by the Tina Fey sketch of the Census taker in April of that year? Maybe. I can't remember if I wrote this at the time or pulled it out from something earlier. I think it was a fresh idea for PHC. The sketch seems shorter than I remember it but back then I wasn't pushing for length; I was jumping on an idea and presenting it quickly--get in, get out.

Anyway, it wasn't used. It got passed around elsewhere, but didn't see much action. So, here it is...

Pollster

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