Blog Archives - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Prairie Home Companion - Duct Tape Surgery (Oct. 2001)

2/24/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Here's a bit of weirdness; I've been forced to relocate my audio bits as the old website suddenly ceased to exist, taking all my material with it. Since a group I'm dealing with uses SoundCloud, I've started setting up shop here. As I was doing so, I realized I never posted one of my PHC bits.

It was October 2001. Garrison Keillor had heart surgery over the summer. It was now just a month after 9/11. This was the first show of the season. I had submitted a sketch sort of referencing 9/11, a Guy's Shoes bit I wrote about here. They did use a version of it. But, I actually got a second piece on the show, the one and only time that happened for me. I combined GK's heart surgery with his running bit about duct tape and he opened the show with it.

This reminds me of the fact that GK never kept in touch with me. I spent the latter half of the summer checking the PHC website to find out when the show was back on the air. Especially this summer with his health and after 9/11. The show usually started in October and I don't remember if they pushed it back at all. But I know that no one had reached out to me to see if I was okay or to inform me if the show schedule would be changed. And I had to do that for the rest of each season, checking when it was on or where it was broadcasting from.

Anyway, here from Oct. 6, 2001, is Heart Surgery and duct tape.

Dan Fiorella · PHC - Duct Tape Heart Surgery

Barely Home Companion: House of Anchors (Feb. 04)

2/24/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

The store that offers only one type of odd product is a classic comedy situation. Think of Jackie Gleason and the different get-rich schemes he invested in (glow-in-the-dark wallpaper) or more on the nose, SNL, with it various mall stores, starting with the Tape Store that only sold scotch tape. It's been one of my go-to premises, from Christmas trees to gravy to glaze, that I would write up and send off. They never made the cut. I'm sure all the typos in the original submission of this didn't help my cause. I thought they were strong bits, some solid laughs but they never got on the air. Oh, well...

House of Anchors

Barely Home Companion: Abbott & Costello Meet the Press (Mar. 2004)

2/17/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This title had been kicking around my brain forEVER. I mean it's the perfect Abbott & Costello parody title. But I could never come up with a premise for the bit. Finally, when the government started to put together a commission to investigate the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the press started reporting on all these ridiculous restrictions President W. Bush was demanding before he'd consider speaking to the commission. It was all very shady, but when the president's people went on the Sunday morning news shows, they engaged in the usual non-answer answers and weird deflections. Now it was starting to feel like an A&C double-talk bit; think The Mustard Routine where Bud tells Lou he's going to collapse the economy because he doesn't like mustard. I knew this bit was a Hail Mary pass, but I thought I sucked him in with one A&C bit, maybe I could rope PHC in with another. It didn't get selected for broadcast.

Abbott & Costello Meet the Press

Leave it to the Prose: Wrestling Spin-offs

2/14/2023

I was cleaning out the hard drive and I came across this article I wrote. I didn't remember much about it and looking at the time-stamp it's from 2010. Back then Vince McMahon was the king of wrestling. He had taken over the WCW. He was trying to create Extreme Football, which would be like football only with more concussions. He was all over TV and looking to expand his brand as his wife started to dabble in politics. I know I wrote it, but I'll be danged if I can figure out if I sent it out to anyone at the time. Well, what with interest in pro wrestling still high and Young Rock on TV, maybe I'll just put his nostalgia piece up here.

Wrestling Spin-offs

Vince McMahon is the king of wrestling. He owns the WWE and the WCW and has shows on every cable station (Wrestling on the SyFy channel? Really? I always figured wrestlers were mutants, but still) But, with his wife running for office now, and the kids grown up with title matches of their own, he needs to expand his brand, widen his horizons. Face it, he’s going to have a lot of free time should his wife win. So what will the Next Big Thing be?

Pro Wrestlers Senior Tour - two words; aging demographics. Also, aging wrestlers. And with the success of “The Wrestler” why not start booking the old men of the WWE before they go running off inventing the next kitchen grill or run for governor somewhere?

NASCAR Raw – Hell on Wheels as burly race car drivers zip around the track. Only here, drivers are allowed to leap from moving cars onto other cars and try to pin them to the track.
WFHL – hey, burly men with sharp skates pounding each other in the middle of the rink with hockey sticks. It’s a natural.

Extreme New York Stock Exchange (XNYSE) – Face it, the economy is in the tank and it’s Wall Street’s fault. If they’re going to rip us all off, at least let’s make it entertaining. Can’t you just hear them yelling things like "can you smell what the Rock is trading" and "I got your margin call right here!" Man, will the ticker tape fly!

World Spelling Bee Federation - Burly kids spelling words like "Xtreme," “HHH” and "NXT." And the spelling bee places already have lots of folding chairs to use.

Wrestling With the Stars – WWE stars wrestle 3rd and 4th rate celebrities on TV. Who wouldn’t watch that?

Six Flags Over WWE - Theme park, where the rides include The Pile driver, The Folding Chair Whack-A-Mole and the Sleeper Hold. Also, the Wrestling mascots will pound you.

Westminster Dog Show Heat! - Burly dudes with burly Rottweilers. With rabies! And folding chairs.

WWF on Broadway – Hey, if Disney can do it, why not Vince? Who wouldn’t want to see Mickie James in "Annie?" Or find out if Triple H is a triple threat?

   end

Barely Home Companion-Valentine's (Feb. 04)

2/10/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This is a comedy trope now, the guy that can't say I love you to his woman. Not sure how much of one it was back in 2004, but I decided to take a crack at it as the show came up to Valentine's Day. I'm not a romantic guy, yet I have written quite a number of Valentine bits, to submit to PHC and an annual monologue festive that was held in NYC for a couple of years, that was themed around love. Anyway, this is a cute sketch, incredibly short, though. They passed on this piece.

Valentine's

The Nick Files: The Big Rabbit

2/9/2023

It's a radio original adventure of Nick Flebber, PI. The Florida Radio Project did in last month (Jan. 23) and posted it online this week. They did a super job with and and I'm thrilled to be able to share it, here and on The Nick Files page.

The Radio Theatre Project · The Nick Files: “The Big Rabbit” Written by Dan Firorella

Barely Home Companion-Duct Tape Tailoring (Feb. 04)

2/3/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

There's not much to explain about this sketch. I think wrote more duct tape sketches and only got one in, the very unusual Duct Tape Surgery. This and Ketchup sketches. I think my duct tape sketches were mostly about wearing duct tape. I remember the one about Halloween costumes. I don't recall what prompted this bit on nonsense, it might have something to do with me recalling taping my jean cuffs in place. Anyway, I wrote it up and submitted it. They passed on it.

Duct Tape Tailoring

Leave it to the Prose: The Pandemic Games

2/2/2023

While updating the blog, I stumbled across this lost bit. I wrote it but 3 years ago, as the talk of the Olympics was comingling with the talk of the pandemic. I submitted it to a number of sites, but it didn't make the cut, so it it is. Just project yourself back to July 2021 when everyone was getting sick, but they still wanted to jump and run and stuff.

The Pandemic Games

comedy, writer, Dan Fiorella, Daniel fiorella, screenplay, sketches,radio,computer games, television writer