From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
If memory serves, this is the last bit PHC bought from me. It's massively re-written as GK inserts his "tax & spend" liberal ideals into the bit to garder "clapter" (that's getting claps instead of laughter for something said. It's not a joke, just a declaration that everyone agrees with). It's just odd how I attempt to write a tight sketch, it gets unraveled into a meandering routine.
It's back on the old PHC website (they had shrubbed it after GK had his #MeToo Moment a few years ago), but I'm posting my audio file below, so you may compare and contrast.
It's back on the old PHC website (they had shrubbed it after GK had his #MeToo Moment a few years ago), but I'm posting my audio file below, so you may compare and contrast.
Post-State of the Union
(GK, GB: George W. Bush)
GK: I just want to welcome you here, Mr. President. We were watching your state of the Union address.
GB: Thank you. I was a little nervous that night.
GK: About your speech and how it would be recieved?
GB: No, about my VCR. I wasn't sure I set it right to record American Idol. Boy, that show was a hoot.
GK: So I saw that you came out against steriods.
GB: That's right. I saw a wrong and I had to speak out. I wanted to go further, about the designated batter rule and the $10 hot dogs at the stadiums, but time didn't permit. I really wanted to come down hard on those scented perfume ads in magazine as well. Man, they just stink up the place. And the new twenty dollar bills. They really look like play money. I can't take those new bills seriously.
GK: No mention of the moon program.
GB: What moon program?
GK: Building a base on the moon, then going to Mars.
GB: Cool.
GK: Very much so.
GB: That would be like the final frontier. I wonder why I didn't mention that?
GK: I was wondering about the proposal you had to stem the lost of jobs.
GB: That was a tough nut to crack. We've seen so many jobs shipped over seas. You call your internet company or your bank or even your municipal help phone numbers and odds are you'll be talking to someone in India.
GK: A lot of companies are doing that.
GB: Well, the only reason they can get away with it is because they find these people who speak English. If they can't find people over seas who can speak English, they can't very well hire them.
GK: I suppose that's right.
GB: So I'm introducing a bill that will make it illegal to export English to foreign countries.
GK: That's your plan?
GB: It's a hum-dinger. You try to take any verbs, adjectives, adverbs overseas, you will be arrested.
GK: How about nouns?
GB: Nouns, you get the death penalty.
GK: That seems, I don't know, harsh.
GB: I won't mince words about words. We have to stem the flow of English to other nations, who will then use it against us and to weaken us.
GK: Much like our weapon trade with Islamic nations.
GB: Don't go there.
GK: Anything else about the state of the Union you wanted to add?
GB: Just that we live in the greatest nation on earth and there isn't anything we can do once we cut taxes enough so that we won't have the money to do it.
GK: Thank you, Mr. President.
end
GK: I just want to welcome you here, Mr. President. We were watching your state of the Union address.
GB: Thank you. I was a little nervous that night.
GK: About your speech and how it would be recieved?
GB: No, about my VCR. I wasn't sure I set it right to record American Idol. Boy, that show was a hoot.
GK: So I saw that you came out against steriods.
GB: That's right. I saw a wrong and I had to speak out. I wanted to go further, about the designated batter rule and the $10 hot dogs at the stadiums, but time didn't permit. I really wanted to come down hard on those scented perfume ads in magazine as well. Man, they just stink up the place. And the new twenty dollar bills. They really look like play money. I can't take those new bills seriously.
GK: No mention of the moon program.
GB: What moon program?
GK: Building a base on the moon, then going to Mars.
GB: Cool.
GK: Very much so.
GB: That would be like the final frontier. I wonder why I didn't mention that?
GK: I was wondering about the proposal you had to stem the lost of jobs.
GB: That was a tough nut to crack. We've seen so many jobs shipped over seas. You call your internet company or your bank or even your municipal help phone numbers and odds are you'll be talking to someone in India.
GK: A lot of companies are doing that.
GB: Well, the only reason they can get away with it is because they find these people who speak English. If they can't find people over seas who can speak English, they can't very well hire them.
GK: I suppose that's right.
GB: So I'm introducing a bill that will make it illegal to export English to foreign countries.
GK: That's your plan?
GB: It's a hum-dinger. You try to take any verbs, adjectives, adverbs overseas, you will be arrested.
GK: How about nouns?
GB: Nouns, you get the death penalty.
GK: That seems, I don't know, harsh.
GB: I won't mince words about words. We have to stem the flow of English to other nations, who will then use it against us and to weaken us.
GK: Much like our weapon trade with Islamic nations.
GB: Don't go there.
GK: Anything else about the state of the Union you wanted to add?
GB: Just that we live in the greatest nation on earth and there isn't anything we can do once we cut taxes enough so that we won't have the money to do it.
GK: Thank you, Mr. President.
end
