| Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large |
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Everyone is always arguing about whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Well, now it absolutely is, since the role of Hans Gruber is now played by the Grinch. Check out my Suessian heist tale over at Weekly Humorist, home of weekly humor, to read "How the Grinch Robbed Nakotomi Plaza." 
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 From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... My goodness, I was must have been very angry when I wrote this. Song parodies. Political humor. Bad puns. It's all here. And, worse, with some minor re-writing, it's totally applicable to day. People forget we've been dealing with this Red State/Blue State divide for a while now. The war on Christmas has been an annual claim for many, many seasons. The bellyaching I heard back then hasn't changed much. Maybe just angrier. I note I didn't put GK in as the announcer. Did I think it was too outrageous for him? I was to be one of those hyperactive TV announcer types (not Garrison's thing at all) but the "decorated" joke was right up his alley. It got a pass, but it's a pretty solid bit, if I do say so myself. Red State Christmas
Here's the second part of my Christmas 2-fer. The Florida Radio Project produced my piece, "A Candy Cane Christmas." This idea has been bouncing around my head for ages. The Hallmark Christmas machine has gotten out of hand the last few years, churning these holiday rom-coms out to the extend that it's spilled over into 2 other cable channels. I like to think I was poking fun of it first, but the pop culture zeitgeist has definitely zeroed in on it, from SNL sketches to Comedy Central movie parodies and back to Hallmark, which has started to poke fun at itself in a couple of recent movies. The sketch had made the rounds to various comedy outlets, with little success (try finding a stage troupe that also does Christmas shows). I then incorporated it in to MY version of a holiday rom-com, a screenplay I wrote called "Merry Broadcast." The Florida group did a great job with it and the audience was onboard, so enjoy A Candy Cane Christmas:
Back in December, I had a 2-for of Christmas cheer. The Florida Radio Project did two of my scripts. First (second will be another post), they did a new version of "The Nick Files: Lost Claus." After having written a couple of radio adaptions of my Nick Flebber stories I took a look back at "Lost Claus" which was, to be honest, a glorified radio sketch that was a cross between my original screenplay and a comic story I made to parody my old K-mart job. So, I attempted to fill it out with some scenes from the original versions and beef up my page count/run time to 30 minutes. Then I sent it out. And it sleigh-ed the audience. Ha! Check it out for yourself:
 From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... One of those sketches I have no recollection of. What inspired it? Beats me. Not a wrestling fan. PHC had turned Jesse Venture into a reoccurring character on the show. Wrestling was big again, bouncing between cable and broadcast TV. The various smackdown shows were big POV. Obviously, I wrote it but why did I ever think PHC would use it? I can't say. Anyway, there didn't, so here it is... Christmas Smackdown From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... I kinda covered this sketch back in 2018 here. It started with the age-old question: What is the deal with that Dolly? It's a couple of quick jokes about defective toys meeting up with the Misfit toys, so get it, make some gags and get out. Was doing a parody of a 40-year old TV special too pop-culture for PHC? Who knows. I thought it was a solid little sketch. The fact that I was able to dust it off and expand upon it years later means it was a good premise that got better with each execution. PHC passed, so as part of our look at Christmas past, here is... The Island of Recalled ToysI'm very happy that this piece found a home. It's been a prose piece, a radio sketch and a version of it is in my screenplay, "Merry Broadcast." And now it's a prose piece again. Hope we get some eyeballs on it  As we are aware, the holidays are not always a season of cheer for all people. It’s beyond the “holiday blues” that we’ve all heard about. And it’s a bit beyond medical science. Let’s look into the holiday’s maladies and try to steer clear of Sickmas and resist the general feeling of no wellness. Find out how on Weekly Humorist!
 From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... I feel like I wrote and sent this to PHC on a dare. There was no way in Noel that Keillor would allow a parody of Ted and Ted's Excellent Adventure on air. Talk about out of his wheelhouse. But I had the title kicking around for quite some time (I even used it here). But now a sketch was written and had to be sent somewhere... Ted & Bill's Excellent Advent There used to be a time when TV shows would go on hiatus in December to be replaced by Christmas specials. That doesn’t happen much now, and people lament it because they only remember the good specials. Hey, they all can't be Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol! So check out Lesser Known Holiday Specials, now up at Weekly Humorist.
 From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... Before Trump got "elected," it was pretty much agreed that Bush 2 was the worse president (the fact that Trump hates George W. makes us pretty sure Trump knows this, too). George was an easy target and PHC had "him" on multiple times over the years. In fact, my last produced sketch was a Bush bit earlier in 2004). So, with Christmas coming and the Great Recession in full swing, it was time to combine the two for this sketch. Didn't make it, even though it would have killed in NYC. George Xmas |
Dan FiorellaFreelance writer, still hacking away. 
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