From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I the file I just found for the 1999-2000 season, the earliest item in it is dated March 28, 2000. I have nothing showing from 1999 and the beginning of 2000. They did a show in Scotland in January and I suspect I submitted my Bagpipes sketch, a bit of silliness about the invention of bagpipes. It was an old bit, I did with a theater group, but it was Scottish! It wasn't used.
Anyway, the show was in repeats until NY in March. I came up with this bit, talking about springtime in NY and how horrible it used to be. The Old Timer was a rip-off of Dana Carvey's Cranky Old Man ("Things were horrible and we LOVED it!") but the twist was talking something as lovely as spring and making it seem horrible. It came out pretty well. I thought I was writing to GK's voice well now and I was starting to write him as the bemused straight man to the oddballs that wandered on mike.
Too bad PHC didn't like it...
Anyway, the show was in repeats until NY in March. I came up with this bit, talking about springtime in NY and how horrible it used to be. The Old Timer was a rip-off of Dana Carvey's Cranky Old Man ("Things were horrible and we LOVED it!") but the twist was talking something as lovely as spring and making it seem horrible. It came out pretty well. I thought I was writing to GK's voice well now and I was starting to write him as the bemused straight man to the oddballs that wandered on mike.
Too bad PHC didn't like it...
SPRING IN NYC
(GK, OT: Old Timer)
GK: I so enjoy this time of year. Spring. I love it when I go outside and it's room temperature. And is there anything nicer than springtime in New York? This is a city that seizes the weather and makes it its own. A beautiful time of the year indeed.
OT: You think this is spring? This is nothin'! Back in my day, that was spring!
GK: What's that you say, old timer?
OT: Spring, ha! Once spring came, you were in trouble, plain and simple. At the first sign of spring, the crocuses came up so fast they'd trip you up. I'd walk to school everyday, with those dang crocuses tripping me the whole way.
GK: That does sound tough.
OT: Tough. You young'uns don't know from tough. Back then the sun was so bright and cheery, it would blind you. Blind you blind!
GK: Wow, that's something.
OT: So there you are feeling your way to school, tripping over the crocuses. All because of those spring showers--kids running out in the delightful, warm spring showers, faces up into the clouds, mouths open, drinking in the fresh dew until they drown! Drown-dead!
GK: Serious spring.
OT: The grass would grow so long and lush that if you fell in it, you'd disappear into it and wouldn't be found until autumn. Lost my best friend that way.
GK: It's amazing you folk survived.
OT: Dang-tootin'! Spring was no laughing matter back then. No fra-la-la-ing thru the daisies for us. 'Cause those daisies could maim and kill! You people today don't know what spring is.
GK: Now you're starting to sound a bit ridiculous---
OT: And pollen! Pollen that size of softballs. You didn't have to worry about sneezing and itching eyes, you had to worry about concussions! Spring sales, Spring fever, spring cleaning, who needs it?
GK: I think you've made your point, such as it is.
OT: Dang vernal equinox! Nothing but trouble.
end
GK: I so enjoy this time of year. Spring. I love it when I go outside and it's room temperature. And is there anything nicer than springtime in New York? This is a city that seizes the weather and makes it its own. A beautiful time of the year indeed.
OT: You think this is spring? This is nothin'! Back in my day, that was spring!
GK: What's that you say, old timer?
OT: Spring, ha! Once spring came, you were in trouble, plain and simple. At the first sign of spring, the crocuses came up so fast they'd trip you up. I'd walk to school everyday, with those dang crocuses tripping me the whole way.
GK: That does sound tough.
OT: Tough. You young'uns don't know from tough. Back then the sun was so bright and cheery, it would blind you. Blind you blind!
GK: Wow, that's something.
OT: So there you are feeling your way to school, tripping over the crocuses. All because of those spring showers--kids running out in the delightful, warm spring showers, faces up into the clouds, mouths open, drinking in the fresh dew until they drown! Drown-dead!
GK: Serious spring.
OT: The grass would grow so long and lush that if you fell in it, you'd disappear into it and wouldn't be found until autumn. Lost my best friend that way.
GK: It's amazing you folk survived.
OT: Dang-tootin'! Spring was no laughing matter back then. No fra-la-la-ing thru the daisies for us. 'Cause those daisies could maim and kill! You people today don't know what spring is.
GK: Now you're starting to sound a bit ridiculous---
OT: And pollen! Pollen that size of softballs. You didn't have to worry about sneezing and itching eyes, you had to worry about concussions! Spring sales, Spring fever, spring cleaning, who needs it?
GK: I think you've made your point, such as it is.
OT: Dang vernal equinox! Nothing but trouble.
end
