Blog Archives - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion - Christmas Smackdown (Dec '04)

12/29/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

One of those sketches I have no recollection of. What inspired it? Beats me. Not a wrestling fan. PHC had turned Jesse Venture into a reoccurring character on the show. Wrestling was big again, bouncing between cable and broadcast TV. The various smackdown shows were big POV. Obviously, I wrote it but why did I ever think PHC would use it? I can't say. Anyway, there didn't, so here it is...

Christmas Smackdown

Leave it to the Prose: Oppenheimer Issues

12/23/2023

It seems that brokerage house, Oppenheimer, put a lot of money earlier this year into a new slogan, “The Power of Oppenheimer Thinking.” Then Hollywood released the movie “Oppenheimer” about the creation of the highly destructive WMD and the company had to put it all on the back burner. In fact, they had to issue a FAQ to help explain to customers any connections between the movie and the company (spoiler alert: there aren’t any). They even felt the need to address Barbenheimer, in a sidebar. After the fuss over the movie faded, the company started to roll out the new slogan anew. Now, award season is gearing up and the movie about the atomic bomb is back in the news. Frankly, the company missed a real opportunity by not trying to piggyback on the success of the motion picture. So, we had the focus groups come up with some new slogans:

“The Nuclear Power of Oppenheimer Thinking”

“Oppenheimer: Getting you results faster than a missile.”

“Giving you the ammunition to succeed, that’s Oppenheimer!”

“We’ll detonate your future: Oppenheimer”

“Opening an account with Oppenheimer? Dyn-O-Mite!”

“Oppenheimer: Making cash is a blast.”

“Open an account with Oppenheimer and watch the fireworks!”

“Oppenheimer: Watch your investments blow up!”

“Investing with explosive results; Oppenheimer!”

“Oppenheimer: We da bomb!”

Barely Home Companion - The Island of Recalled Toys (Dec '04)

12/22/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I kinda covered this sketch back in 2018 here. It started with the age-old question: What is the deal with that Dolly? It's a couple of quick jokes about defective toys meeting up with the Misfit toys, so get it, make some gags and get out. Was doing a parody of a 40-year old TV special too pop-culture for PHC? Who knows. I thought it was a solid little sketch. The fact that I was able to dust it off and expand upon it years later means it was a good premise that got better with each execution. PHC passed, so as part of our look at Christmas past, here is...

The Island of Recalled Toys

Leave it to the Prose: Avoiding No-Well

12/20/2023

I'm very happy that this piece found a home. It's been a prose piece, a radio sketch and a version of it is in my screenplay, "Merry Broadcast." And now it's a prose piece again. Hope we get some eyeballs on it

As we are aware, the holidays are not always a season of cheer for all people. It’s beyond the “holiday blues” that we’ve all heard about. And it’s a bit beyond medical science. Let’s look into the holiday’s maladies and try to steer clear of Sickmas and resist the general feeling of no wellness. Find out how on Weekly Humorist!

#Hashtag, You're It! - Holiday a Houseware

12/15/2023

Weekly Humorist, a humor magazine I often submit to and occasionally get in, runs these Hashtag Games on Twitter (X), where they name a topic and we submit humorous responses. These games play right into my gag reflex, so I always throw up something. I've taken to setting my calendar to get online every Wednesday to "play" (and by "play" I mean submit content to their website for free--I like to think of it as pun bono work). I always submit a bunch of them on X (Twitter) and some of them get selected for inclusion to their online site.

I have to say, this week's game was kinda tough. I'll admit my first entry just popped into my head (Dish-wassailer) but then a lot of research was necessary. Some were a stretch. Some were okay. I tried to approach the gags from multiple angles because there was no real beam to ride. The last one was another head-popper (Hair combs Santa Claus). I managed to submit a lot and got 14 picked for the website, a personal best. So, check out..

#HolidayAHouseware

Barely Home Companion - Ted & Bill's Excellent Advent (Dec '04)

12/15/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I feel like I wrote and sent this to PHC on a dare. There was no way in Noel that Keillor would allow a parody of Ted and Ted's Excellent Adventure on air. Talk about out of his wheelhouse. But I had the title kicking around for quite some time (I even used it here). But now a sketch was written and had to be sent somewhere...

Ted & Bill's Excellent Advent

Leave it to the Prose: Lesser Known Holiday Specials

12/14/2023

There used to be a time when TV shows would go on hiatus in December to be replaced by Christmas specials. That doesn’t happen much now, and people lament it because they only remember the good specials. Hey, they all can't be Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol! So check out Lesser Known Holiday Specials, now up at Weekly Humorist.

Barely Home Companion - George Xmas (Dec '04)

12/8/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Before Trump got "elected," it was pretty much agreed that Bush 2 was the worse president (the fact that Trump hates George W. makes us pretty sure Trump knows this, too). George was an easy target and PHC had "him" on multiple times over the years. In fact, my last produced sketch was a Bush bit earlier in 2004). So, with Christmas coming and the Great Recession in full swing, it was time to combine the two for this sketch. Didn't make it, even though it would have killed in NYC.

George Xmas

#Hashtag, You're It! - Sick Seasonal Songs

12/6/2023

Weekly Humorist, a humor magazine I often submit to and occasionally get in, runs these Hashtag Games on Twitter (X), where they name a topic and we submit humorous responses. These games play right into my gag reflex, so I always throw up something. I've taken to setting my calendar to get online every Wednesday to "play" (and by "play" I mean submit content to their website for free--I like to think of it as pun bono work). I always submit a bunch of them on X (Twitter) and some of them get selected for inclusion to their online site.

Time for holdiay parodies and this was was a little disconcerting. I am about to submit an article to WH, my No-well bit, so this hashtag is cutting a bit too close to that. I'm sure they'll forget all about it when I submit it next week. I popped out a couple of these quickly, but then had to pull up a list of the top holiday songs and the most popular diseases. And again, I thought I read over the WH entries to the hashtag, but wound up duping a couple of ones I should have seen as obvious. But with well over a dozen entries, I got 7 included in the webpage. Check it out!

#SickSeasonalSongs

Barely Home Companion - Rockefeller Center (Nov '04)

12/1/2023

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

PHC's annual holiday stay in the city of New York was always bittersweet to me. I knew I could right hometown-centric pieces but I also knew there would be no acknowledgment that the show was in my hometown. No invite to see the show. No free passes. No chance to meet the cast I had written material for. My opportunities were dwindling here and even if I had a sudden burst of creative energy, there was little chance it would make a difference. Communication was a one-way street. I submitted things by emailing them into a void. No responses ever. Not even to direct questions.

Going into (what would be my final Christmas season with the show) reminds me of an incident that happed a few years earlier. I had a small publisher once interested in my manuscript Lost Claus. Spoke to him on the phone. He liked the book. But he liked the idea that I worked on PHC. Would GK have me on the show to talk about the book. And silly mean gave him an honest answer, "No." I mention how little interaction I had with the staff at PHC. I mean, I once asked him about hosting or presenting at the Writers Guild Award show and got no response. I was blunt with the publisher about my experience with PHC. And I never heard from that publisher again. Granted the only reason he contacted me was to try and use me to get on PHC, so when that wasn't an option, I was useless to him.

Anyway, the holidays were here. The show was here, so I went with a silly joke about the Christmas tree and the Ronco Clapper. It's a fine little black-out bit, even if it was trying to do a sight gag on the radio. They passed.

Rockefeller Center

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