Category: Halloween - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion-Ketchup Advisory Board (Oct. 2003)

10/28/2022

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Once more I attempted to submit a sketch into one of their regular features and tying it into the Halloween season. I did several of these ketchup ads over the years and I often recycled some of the opening monologues from a previous one, then added a new one. I would keep using ones that I was fond of figuring no one had heard any of them yet, so I can just paste it in. They were never heard. And they were not sketches I could submit elsewhere, so they died on the vine, the ketchup vine.

Oh, you can still buy my book, to help you re-live your fondest Halloween memories. Get you copy here.

I actually used to go through the kids candy each Halloween night and extract the lesser sweets and bring them to work, where my co-workers descended on the candy bowl like locust. Hey, free candy. It was a tradition for a long time. Many of my co-workers would approach me Halloween week and ask, "Are you going to bring in candy after Halloween?" and I often replied, "No, my kids are in their twenties now. They don't trick-or-treat anymore. I haven't done that for years! Where have you been? Go back to the cage." People hate to lose out on free candy.

Ketchup Advisory Board

Barely Home Companion: T.G.I.Friday the 13th (Oct. 2003)

10/21/2022

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

A Halloween commercial parody! I honestly believe this was a clever and original idea back in 2003. Now, a quick Google search shows many images of a TGI Friday the 13th logo. It's quick, filled with puns, screams and voice impressions. I would say maybe it's too pop-culture-ry, but the pop culture it alludes to was old when I wrote this. And with the Halloween season upon us, it's got enough Dracula and Karloff to appeal to Boomers.

Right now I'm even to lazy to check to see if I included the sketch between the chapters of my book, "Halloweenies," where the Dad of the family is an aspiring writer and has written all these Halloween sketches to submit to people (Where does he get his ideas???). You can check it out over at Amazon...

It was a solid bit and I set it around, but it never got picked up anywhere. Maybe it's made up of too many clams, but I had fun with it. Maybe I even posted it during one of my Halloween runs in years past. Could be. But for Barely Home Companion, this was the next item up. So, enjoy

T.G.I.Friday the 13th

Barely Home Companion - Trick or Treat (Oct. 2002)

10/28/2021

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

What with Halloween approaching, I was obligated to come up with a Halloween sketch. What I did here was take a lot of bits and pieces, jokes and routines along with some one-liners and observations I've had over the years and cobbled them into a radio bit. Garrison talking with some Trick or Treaters, who really don't get it. I thought it was a solid PHC bit. No one else did. I may have worked some things into another long form piece, I don't recall right now, but here's my tribute to Halloween 2002...

Trick or Treat

Barely Home Companion - Halloween Stuff (Oct 2001)

10/27/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Halloween was a big deal for PHC. Halloween was a big deal for me. I pulled out all the stops for October 2001, I created a couple of sketches that I kinda knew wouldn't work for them, but they were Halloween and where else was I going to place them? Then I came up with a anthrax-inspired horror movie parody (at the time the National Enquirer and NBC were receiving anthrax in the mail). Here's the thing; I posted these bits on the blog before, so, back when I was doing it all as Skit Happens for a big Halloween countdown to push my book, Halloweenies. I'm just going to link them below:

It Came From the Mailroom!

Hiding Dragon, Crouching Pumpkin

The House Without a Pumpkin Tree

Barely Home Companion: Halloween Edition -Frankenstein & Igor (10/00)

10/29/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This is an interesting bit (for me). I once read a Woody Allen short story about Dracula. I was so impressed with it. I wanted to write something like it. So I did. He did Dracula, so obviously I would have to do Frankenstein. This was originally a short story. It was published as part of an anthology series years later (which has since gone out of print...which is weird for an ebook). The story was dialog-heavy (as much as my prose is) so I figured I could adapted it as a radio skit for PHC for one of their October shows. It was a pass.

I note in my journal at the end of October, 2000, that I had struck out again with PHC.

Four Halloween bits...Keillor going on and on about how "Americans don't make the most use of it [Halloween]" and proceeds to do practically nil on it . But winter! Don't get him started about winter!

I submitted to other venues after that, but it never got picked. It's my attempt at "racy" and there's one line ("Have you ever discussed politics with him?") that is straight up Woody Allen, although my attempt at making it more "me" (calling him a "feeb" instead of an "imbecile") really undercut it.

I actually took the script and collected together with a couple of my other horror bits and submitted it around as an episode of "The Nether Regions," a "Twilight Zone" type radio anthology show. One group produced another part of the anthology, so this skit has yet to become...ALIVE!

Sooo, Halloween is coming (it's one of my favorite holidays) and I have a Halloween book to sell. It's "Halloweenies," a tale of a boy and his costume...and friends. And family. And cops. And gangsters. It's funny.

Frankenstein & Igor

DOA: Hollywood; Halloween Edition - Amity Mayoral Debate

10/29/2019

TMI: Hollywood produces a live TOPICAL show each week, every Sunday. And by "every" we mean "many." Not everything submitted gets in. And not everything that gets rejected has a shelf life.

Again, I'm really satisfied with this sketch. Back in that summer it had been mentioned to me, as I noted in the forward of the skit, Politics is unpredictable. Like, did you ever notice that the mayor in "Jaws" is still the mayor in "Jaws 2?" How’d that happen?

It was something my son-in-law pointed out to me and it started to flesh itself out into a sketch over time, a perfect Halloween/Election Day combo that seems more common now as horror and politics have gotten more intertwined. Sure, there's a couple of typos and I left the name "Watt" in one place after I changed it to "Carla." So many Jaws Easter eggs in it. And it had some decent bits for the woman in the cast. And some really good throw-away lines and the Abby & Grace characters came out of left field, but really work in this context. Alas, it wasn't produced, but I hope you'll enjoy it now.

1977 Amity Mayoral Debate

DOA: Hollywood; Halloween Edition-Halloween Hearings

10/28/2019

TMI: Hollywood produces a live TOPICAL show each week, every Sunday. And by "every" we mean "many." Not everything submitted gets in. And not everything that gets rejected has a shelf life.

In 2018, we were watching a lot of unqualified people get nominated to a lot of important government jobs. The Kavanaugh hearings were very much in the news that autumn and it seemed like a good mix; Halloween and political humor. I was very happy with this sketch. I'm a fan of the Halloween movies and could really picture Jamie Lee Curtis playing the part. The length was good, it had a decent number of characters, each with a moment and it really flowed well. I thought I made a solid political parody without naming names but the gang didn't use it, so here we present....

Senate Halloween Hearings

Ghosts of Halloween Decorations Past - Et. Al.

10/27/2019

I have been decorating my front door for Halloween for a couple of decades. I talked about it previously here. This year, however I won't be doing it up much. The reason? The premiere party for the movie I worked on. I co-wrote a horror/comedy short a couple of years ago a the request of an actress. And, dang, if she didn't get it made! Anyway, the screening is Halloween night, so I won't be home for the trick-or-treaters.

So, I always recorded the Halloween decorations, first by photo, then with videos, since I started doing back in the 80s. Not everything is digital, but when I wrote my book, "Halloweenies," I pulled out some of what I had to create a couple of book promos for it. One shows the stuff in my attic, they other has photos from when I was decorating the door of our side-door apartment where we spend 20 years of our lives. Here's where you really see some of the different masks I used on my mechanical man figure, from mummy to monster to witch to wizard to vampire. It was pretty flexible. And I was always on the hunt for new accessories. It originally started with glove hands with string tied to a railing. Then monster hands, then I found the monster arms. I originally had an old man mask, but the way the ladder stood, with the paint ledge jutting out front, made everyone assume he was an old woman. So, I added a witch hat and cauldron and made him a witch. There were lights, coffins, and smoke machines added over the years. He even did a couple of personal appearances at some Halloween parties. That was the beauty of it, easily assembly and disassembly.

My favorite part is the kids' reactions to it. Some are fascinated by it. Others are frightened. The parents love it. It's turned into a real photo-op as they get their kids to stand next to it and take pictures. That part is a joy. And the weather has been nice on Halloween for so long that I get to hang outside with my bowl of candy and take care of business.

DOA: Hollywood; Halloween Edition-Scary Things

10/26/2019

TMI: Hollywood produces a live TOPICAL show each week, every Sunday. And by "every" we mean "many." Not everything submitted gets in. And not everything that gets rejected has a shelf life.

I had a nice creative spark back in October 2018. A lot of inspiration for bits to submit. Some inspiration came from babysitting my grandkids. They were young and watching a LOT of Disney Jr. and other age-appropriate things. But after awhile, things like Vampirina and Netflix's Super Monsters started to grate on my old-school Universal-era horror movie fandom. So, this skit was born. I was really happy with it, it had a solid beginning, middle and end. I think I nailed the sit-com tone. I got to do some goofy jokes and vent on about "these kids today and their monsters." As for the group, it was an good-size cast, each character had a moment. Granted it wasn't super topical, but I thought it had a great show-business vibe that I thought the group would appreciate. I was disappointed it didn't get in for their Halloween show. You'd think I'd be used to disappointment by now, right?

Disney’s Scary Thingies

Ghosts of Halloween Decorations Past - 2018

10/26/2019

I have been decorating my front door for Halloween for a couple of decades. I talked about it previously here. This year, however I won't be doing it up much. The reason? The premiere party for the movie noted below. I co-wrote a horror/comedy short a couple of years ago a the request of an actress. And, dang, if she didn't get it made! Anyway, the screening is Halloween night, so I won't be home for the trick-or-treaters.

2018. It's the usual guys, rearranged; my pumpkin patch. The grave yard, the warning signs. Some years a flying bat, other years a dropping spider. Things come and go.

I had added some new things; a different bird in a cage, a ghoul climbing up the wall. The skeleton gets a seat this year and a bag of candy. Turned the mechanical into a scarecrow (with his own theme song!) This year I placed him on the lawn for the first time, as I usually put him at the top of the driveway (because parking has gotten so bad on my block that my wife couldn't count on getting a space on the street when she came home from work).

I would always video the scene twice, once in daylight, upon completion and then at dusk, when you could see the lights better. Alas, few do. Trick-or-treating tends to wrap up in our neighborhood by dark, so not one sees the glowing cauldron or back-lit coffin.

I have other things in reserve already for next year. I always "dream big" but then scale back once I actually have to start assembling things. I see some people go nuts to the point where when it rains, they have to run out and cover everything in plastic bags because they're not really built for outdoors. I don't want to do that. I want to be creative, but I don't want to work so hard at it.

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