From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Here's one of those submissions with a happy-ist ending. As I've mention before, I was always looking to write one of PHC's signature bits, not the big ones like the cowboys or the english major, but I tried his Guy Noir character (and got a line or two picked up for one sketch), I submitted for duct tape and ketchup to some success. But a many of my sketches had to pass through the GK-rewrite process.
One of my pet peeves is how we're inundated with Christmas music from Thanksgiving on and then somewhere around noon on Christmas Day, the radio station all go back to their standard playlists. I used the ketchup sketch to whine about that. But the folks latched onto the idea that music today sucks and people seem overly attached to 1950s pop music. It's weird how that's the premise they focused on.
A version of my sketch was produced and there's a couple of my lines in their version. I got a check and an online credit. And enough confidence to continue submitting to the show for a couple of more years.
I'm posting my version of the sketch, followed by the audio of the PHC Dec. 27, 2003 production (which they have in their archives, here
One of my pet peeves is how we're inundated with Christmas music from Thanksgiving on and then somewhere around noon on Christmas Day, the radio station all go back to their standard playlists. I used the ketchup sketch to whine about that. But the folks latched onto the idea that music today sucks and people seem overly attached to 1950s pop music. It's weird how that's the premise they focused on.
A version of my sketch was produced and there's a couple of my lines in their version. I got a check and an online credit. And enough confidence to continue submitting to the show for a couple of more years.
I'm posting my version of the sketch, followed by the audio of the PHC Dec. 27, 2003 production (which they have in their archives, here
Ketchup Advisory Board: Post-Holiday Blues
(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim
Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
GK: Tonight's show brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.
TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. Our son joined a group of eco-terrorists and has "rescued" our Christmas tree to release it in the wild, which means I don't have to lug it out to the curb next week. Then it turns out that the hit holiday movie "Elf" was based on the deluded ramblings of my father, so now we're owed a bit of that action. And I won the "When will we catch Saddam" pool at the office. So, I was a little baffled when I found Barb sobbing in front of the radio.
TR: What's the matter, Barb?
SS: Well, I turned on the radio and there's no more Christmas music. It's kind of depressing.
TR: It is after Christmas, Barb.
SS: But it's still the Christmas season. Some of the radio stations were playing Christmas music 24/7 and I got used to it.
TR: When did you start using expressions like "24/7"?
SS: Now, I turn on the radio, and it's the same old music I heard before Christmas, all regimented playlists and standard formats. Christmas was wonderful. When else can you hear Bruce Springsteen and Bing Crosby on the same station? Or the Hallelujah Chorus followed by "Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer."
TR: That's true.
SS: It's still the Christmas season. I mean, they could play the 12 days of Christmas until January 6. Or what about "Jingle Bells?" It's not even a Christmas song! They could play that any time during the winter. Or "Frosty the Snowman." Or "Let it Snow." It's all seasonal, but not Christmas seasonal.
TR: True that.
SS: Word. The Christmas season lasts until the Epiphany. They could certainly play "Have yourself a merry 'Little Christmas'" 'til then. But this abrupt cession of holiday music is jarring. I think I'm going through carol withdrawal.
TR: You know what you need? Some ketchup.
SS: Oh, Jim.
TR: Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that can help you get over the post-holiday blues. And its festive red color can keep you in the holiday spirit well past Three Kings Day.
SS: No doubt.
RD: These are the good years, like Christmas spirit growing. A new day is dawning, look, now it's snowing. Ketchup is flowing, fa-la-la-la. La-la-la-la
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
RD: Ketchup...ketchup...
end
Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
GK: Tonight's show brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.
TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. Our son joined a group of eco-terrorists and has "rescued" our Christmas tree to release it in the wild, which means I don't have to lug it out to the curb next week. Then it turns out that the hit holiday movie "Elf" was based on the deluded ramblings of my father, so now we're owed a bit of that action. And I won the "When will we catch Saddam" pool at the office. So, I was a little baffled when I found Barb sobbing in front of the radio.
TR: What's the matter, Barb?
SS: Well, I turned on the radio and there's no more Christmas music. It's kind of depressing.
TR: It is after Christmas, Barb.
SS: But it's still the Christmas season. Some of the radio stations were playing Christmas music 24/7 and I got used to it.
TR: When did you start using expressions like "24/7"?
SS: Now, I turn on the radio, and it's the same old music I heard before Christmas, all regimented playlists and standard formats. Christmas was wonderful. When else can you hear Bruce Springsteen and Bing Crosby on the same station? Or the Hallelujah Chorus followed by "Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer."
TR: That's true.
SS: It's still the Christmas season. I mean, they could play the 12 days of Christmas until January 6. Or what about "Jingle Bells?" It's not even a Christmas song! They could play that any time during the winter. Or "Frosty the Snowman." Or "Let it Snow." It's all seasonal, but not Christmas seasonal.
TR: True that.
SS: Word. The Christmas season lasts until the Epiphany. They could certainly play "Have yourself a merry 'Little Christmas'" 'til then. But this abrupt cession of holiday music is jarring. I think I'm going through carol withdrawal.
TR: You know what you need? Some ketchup.
SS: Oh, Jim.
TR: Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that can help you get over the post-holiday blues. And its festive red color can keep you in the holiday spirit well past Three Kings Day.
SS: No doubt.
RD: These are the good years, like Christmas spirit growing. A new day is dawning, look, now it's snowing. Ketchup is flowing, fa-la-la-la. La-la-la-la
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
RD: Ketchup...ketchup...
end
The full episode is posted here
