July 2018
 Is there anything that has a shorter shelf life than a topical sketch that isn't selected? Other than those fragile hand-crafted glass ornaments? It's rough. You pull together a decent take on today's pop culture news only to learn they didn't pick your sketch to be in this week's show. Then what? Submit it around to the hundreds of comedy troupes that are looking for sketches from strangers? Sit on it for a year and try to resubmit? Or, do you just start posting on your own blog because you never know (actually you do, but you do it anyway)? Doing a parody of Hallmark Christmas movies is definitely a thing, and it's hard to get ahead of the curve with SNL out there. But, the comedy troupe did a Christmas show and I decided to write a parody of a Hallmark Christmas movie. And since Hallmark is pushing its "Christmas in July" schedule, I decided to pull this out now. A Candy Cane ChristmasAnd the jokes just keeping coming. From June 2018  Well, this started out as a "Skit Happens" post, where I lament that yet another one of my sketches got rejected. As it turns out TMI: Hollywood DID use my sketch! Let's file this under "Nobody Tells Me Anything." So, there's something called the San Diego Comic Convention (Comic Con) and apparently it is a pretty big deal. It's such a big deal that TMI: Hollywood devotes an entire annual show to it. And I keep submitting. Now, here's the thing, I've never attended, but I know many who do and post about it. One of the bigwigs, Mark Evainer, who practically runs half of it, always posts about it and his panels. They are amusing and interesting. And probably overdue for spoofing. So I decided this year to base my sketch on that. Quick Draw @ Comic Con Is there anything that has a shorter shelf life than a topical sketch that isn't selected? Other than the GOP's credibility? It's rough. You pull together a decent take on today's pop culture news only to learn they didn't pick your sketch to be in this week's show. Then what? Submit it around to the hundreds of comedy troupes that are looking for sketches from strangers? Submit it as fan fiction to some ill-defined website? Or, do you just start posting on your own blog because you never know (actually you do, but you do it anyway)? Last TV season there was a lot of ads for Seth MacFarlane's new show "The Orville." A lot of ads. Making it look like a wacky, zany comedy. Then it premiered. Look, I liked the show. But some episodes were neither fish nor fowl. Then, to top it off, it was only like 8 episodes. That's a season these days? Anyway, I decided to goof on it, old school, SNL-style. And here's what I ended up with: Orville That Endsville People keep claiming that, as a New Yorker, I live in a bubble. Let me tell you about my bubble. There are 8 million people in my bubble. My neighbors are like 50 feet from my front door. Every day I have to travel to work by train, boat and subway with thousands of other people. I work in an office with people from around the state, country and planet. And if that’s not enough, my bubble is so special, that people from all over the world travel here just to visit. These people crowd our sidewalks and Burger Kings. Businesses are run from my bubble. Companies erect skyscrapers with their names on them to mark their section of the bubble. International decisions are made here. As well as other decisions; like, for lunch I can choose to get some egg rolls, or pizza, or empanadas, or curry chicken, or a hamburger, or a Philly cheese steak or a hot dog. Or some of each…  My kids went to school with hundreds of other kids. Neighborhood kids. Kids from the other side of the borough. Military kids stationed nearby. Kids with whom they had to work, compete against and share multiple childhood diseases.
It’s a crowded bubble where people have learned to get along. There are rules and laws that the vast majority agree to live by if we are all going to get along and move along. We can have tall buildings that don’t constantly burn down, ferries that don’t capsize regularly and trains that don’t crash and kill hundreds often. Yet I have to listen to people carry on that where they are is the real America. They tout places that don’t get a lot of visitors until it gets flooded or a twister rips through. They carry on as if somehow they have their fingers on the pulse of what “real Americans” want because their neighbors live “down the road a-piece.” The whole point of coming together as a nation is that we are stronger together. As a country, we are a mutt, made up of all the people that couldn’t hack it in the old country. They all brought their customs, traditions and foods here. But they’re here because they wanted to be here, not because their parents happen to live here. America was their goal. They also brought a sense that what’s good for the least of us is good for the greatest of us. I don’t understand what other people, in their big empty states, are getting so cranky about. They live isolated lives, worried about things that just don’t happen. They hold grudges against others they don’t know because some loud-mouth tells them too. But mostly I don’t get why these salt-of-the-earth, hard-working Americans elected a loud, elitist, lying, crooked business man and pseudo-billionaire from New York City as the face of the nation. If this is what real America should be, I’ll stick to my bubble, thank you.  Is there anything that has a shorter shelf life than a topical sketch that isn't selected? Other Pfizer price increases? It's rough. You pull together a decent take on today's headlines only to learn they didn't pick your sketch to be in this week's show. Then what? Submit it around to the hundreds of comedy troupes that are looking for sketches from strangers? Post a slide show of the pages on YouTube? Or, do you just start posting on your own blog because you never know (actually you do, but you do it anyway)? There was a point last year that Pandora bracelets were all over the pop culture zeitgeist. And cable has a lot of First Alert ads, so this kind of came together. It could have worked as a stage or video bit, but it didn't make the cut. I was still in the midst of my "short bits" writing style. Then SNL did its Pandora Bracelet parody and now it's just time to put it here.... Pandora/First Alert Charm Bracelet Is there anything that has a shorter shelf life than a topical sketch that isn't selected? Other than a nuclear agreement with North Korea? It's rough. You pull together a decent take on today's headlines only to learn they didn't pick your sketch to be in this week's show. Then what? Submit it around to the hundreds of comedy troupes that are looking for sketches from strangers? Save it for a Twitter Hashtag game? Or, do you just start posting on your own blog because you never know (actually you do, but you do it anyway)? During the height of President Trump's goofy interaction with the families of killed soldiers, I wrote this bit as a video piece. It didn't get picked. I even considered just making it myself with my video software, but I just never got around to it. Oh, well. So now it's here.... Letters to the Fallen |
Dan FiorellaFreelance writer, still hacking away. 
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