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#Hashtag, You're It! - Rotten Robots

8/31/2023

Weekly Humorist, a humor magazine I often submit to but rarely get in, runs these Hashtag Games on Twitter (X), where they name a topic and we submit humorous responses. These games play right into my pun zone, so always jump in. I've taken to setting my calendar to get online every Wednesday to "play" (and by "play" I mean submit content to their website for free--I like to think of it as pun bono work). I always submit a bunch of entries and they many times get selection.

Actually, this one was tricky. Rotten Robots. Here's the thing, the number of well-know robots is pretty low. I went online to find a list of "Top 100 Robots in Movies" and there were two issues; 1) I hadn't heard of most of these robots. 2) Most of the robots' names were "Robot" which makes coming up with puns really tricky. Naturally, Weekly Humorist posts the most logical ones, so the rest of us have to scramble.

Nonetheless, I managed to get four out of 12 on their website. Not even my favorites. They even picked one I messed up (Gigant-bore, it should have been. Autocorrect made it Gigantic-bore. Luckily I found a gif which explained it) and one I barely liked (Johnny-5-0? What does that even mean? How is it rotten?). You can see all the entries on X (Twitter) and the WK link is below:

#RottenRobots

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Leave it to the Prose-Bratz Attacks

8/30/2023

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Another topical bit that couldn't make the rounds in time. I made an online joke about this news item when it first hit the news cycle and a friend said I should write a sketch on that. Since the outlet for sketches is limited at this time, I decided to try it as a prose piece. I like the way it came out. Editors did not. So, here it is:

Bratz Attacks

As has been reported, the country of Vietnam has banned the “Barbie” movie over an alleged map shown in the alleged movie that shows the so-called “nine-dash line” border claim. This border, a U-shaped dotted line showing territory in the South China Sea that both China and Vietnam claim as their own. How did this happen over what is supposed to be a glitzy, vapid product placement movie?

In a bombshell report, the Barbie group is claiming that The Bratz Dolls altered the map on the set of the movie, which was then filmed and, remarkably, included in the trailer for this alleged summer blockbuster.

Representatives for the “Barbie” movie claim they have surveillance video showing Bratz leader Cloe, and two of her under-bratz, Sasha and Yasmin, making their way to a Barbie RV containing the map and adding the dashes to it on set.

“Causing an international incident just to embarrass Barbie? That’s totally a Bratz move,” said Barbie spokesperson Ken. “I’ve known Barbie for a long time and there’s no way she would disrespect the Vietnamese like this! Some of our best accessories come from Vietnam!” he added.

While there has been no official word from the Bratz community, long-time Bratz-phile, Cameron, did post a message on his Instagram account which read, “Typically, Barbie and her friends cannot be trusted to tell the truth. The so-called ‘video’ is obviously a stop-motion film using some Bratz dolls. Bratz do not engage in boring things like international politics. They are too cool. Way cooler than Barbie, even Astronaut Barbie.”

There has always been tension between the two groups. “The Bratz have always been undermining us,” Barbie was quoted as saying in a recent magazine article. “Since my break-out role in ‘Toy Story 2’ these Bratz have been jealous. The trolling has been nonstop. And I mean, online vicious remarks, not my cute buddies, the Russ Trolls.”

During a recent press junket, Barbie’s sister, Skipper, responded to taunts on social media by saying, “Of course we think it’s the Bratz. I mean, why would you even call yourselves ‘Bratz’ if you weren’t brats? I mean, it’s right there in their name!”

“Look, we’re sorry Barbie came close to starting World War III,” Big Bratz Meygan told us. “It’s obvious she isn’t ready for the big time and the scrutiny it involves. And she can’t keep blaming the Bratz for all her woes. Hey, Barbie, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the toy box.”

The US State Department has simply issued a statement saying they want the dolls to work it out for themselves. Although an announced trip to Taiwan by G.I. Joe has the administration very concerned.

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Leave it to the Prose-Rejected Writers Guild Picket Signs

8/28/2023

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I wrote this piece back in June, thinking I'd have to get it out to the world ASAP, figuring the writers strike shouldn't last too long. Unfortunately, 4 months later, it's still topical.

Rejected Writers Guild Picket Signs

To be honest, the longer the writers’ strike goes on, the less clever the picket signs become. Sure, they started out slick and comical, but now they’re beginning to read like a standard “Fast and Furious” comeback. As the WGA attempts to maintain a certain level of decorum, they’ve taken to monitoring the signs the writers come up with. Here’s some that were left on the picket line floor:

Pencils away! Or are you just glad to see me?

Sorry, studio contract, you’re not my TYPE(ing)!

Something, something, unfair!

Could you make the contract 10% sweeter?

We will not be replaced! By machines! Or your brother-in-law!

Without writers, what will you base all your future reboots on?

Hey, studio contract, we have notes!

Pencils down! Dander up!

Those post-credit Easter eggs don’t write themselves, you know!

Yadda-yadda-yadda, we’re on strike!

You think AI is going to suck up to you, too?

I hope we win the strike before they sell off the studios.

At least I’m getting my steps in.

My other sign is wittier.

And the sparkling water was flat!

FYI, we’re not the DGA.

Hey, Hey! Hee, Hee! Gotta beat the AMPTP

Hey, Siri, write me a picket sign.

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#Hashtag, You're It! - High Heroes

8/25/2023

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Weekly Humorist, a humor magazine I often submit to but rarely get in runs these Hashtag Games on Twitter, where they name a topic and we submit humorous responses. These games play right into my pun zone, so I often play. I set my calendar to get online every Wednesday to "play" (and by "play" I mean submit content to their website for free--I like to think of it as pun bono work). I always submit a bunch of entries and they many times get selection.

I got a couple in this week. Not my favorites. One example, I tweeted (yes, I said “tweeted”) James Bong at 11:13. Someone else tweeted it at 11:27, but they listed the second one in their “best of list.” Rigged! On the other hand, they took one of mine (Indiana Jonesing) and made it part of their introduction to the list.

How did they not included Wasted Ventura or Tarzonked? Their judging methods seem very suspect. But, in the end, they included 5 out of my 12 entries. I’ve included their link below, and for more fun, go to Twitter and look up #HighHeroes. Until then, here's a link to the online "best of" site at Weekly Humorist.

#HighHeroes

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#Hashtag, You're It! - Sexy Streaming Services

8/16/2023

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#SexyStreamingServices

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#Hashtag, You're It! - Festering Fast Food

8/9/2023

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#FesteringFastFood

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#Hashtag, You're It! - Sore Cereals

8/3/2023

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Weekly Humorist, a humor magazine I often submit to but rarely get in runs these Hashtag Games on Twitter, where they name a topic and we submit humorous responses. These games play right into my pun zone, so I often play. I set my calendar to get online every Wednesday to "play" (and by "play" I mean submit content to their website for free--I like to think of it as pun bono work). I always submit a bunch of entries and they many times get selection. So I got two in this week, but I'm declaring it was on a technically; namely the technology failed me. I submitted seven or so items. Twitter told me they were posted. But Twitter was acting funky on my phone; photos and videos weren't displaying. It didn't seem to be updating. I tried closing the app, then reopen it and it would open with the message: "Whoops, you already said that, tweet not sent." Not until later did I close the app and restart my phone. When I re-opened the app I starting getting messages that I just posted several messages. Turns out most of the tweets I send didn't hit until hours later. Very annoying.

It was a tricky hashtag again, with many possible definitions of "sore" to consider. The two that got in were each based on a different version of the word, one an injury and the other a foul mood. I suppose if you want to see my other entries you could go on twitter and hit up the hashtag. Here's the Weekly Humorists link to this week's game:

#SoreCereals

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Skit Happens: Pee-Wee's Playhouse 90

8/1/2023

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Lord knows I have mixed feelings about Pee-Wee Herman (as explained here) but his death this week really affected me. He was a running reference in my family. My dad "portrayed" him at family picnics, when we did family shows. My kids enjoyed the shows and movies (until the whole Christmas thing). We imitated him. Paul Reubens was a guy who hustled and made a career for himself and just stood out from the crowd. And at one point I spent months writing in his voice, attempting to imitate his style and humor for Warner Bros. I really thought I had done a good job of it. Granted, things didn't work out back then and now his passing suddenly shuts a door of (possibly imagined) opportunity. Or the chance to ever tell my story to him. I mean, I friended him on social media. I linked my blog posts to him several times. No reaction. And now I'll never know if he was even aware of my existence. He was a creator and writer, and I hoped there might be a connection there, but no more.

I've been going through some old scripts, working on a new project, and I stumbled across this sketch. I have no memory of writing it and had forgotten it existed. I took the character Pee-Wee Herman and combined him with the classic "Playhouse 90" series from the 1950s. How boomer can you get? So, it's scenes from the old teleplays that were broadcast on CBS and adding Pee-Wee to them. This was for TMI:Hollywood, and they were a generation younger than I and the sketch wasn't selected. I didn't think of it as topical, but now I see how any sketch, topical or evergreen can have an undetermined shelf life. Ideas age, references fade into the past, personalities pass on. So, because I have little else to do, here's my sketch:

Pee-wee's Playhouse 90

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#Hashtag, You're It! - Rotten Robots

Leave it to the Prose-Bratz Attacks

Bratz Attacks

Leave it to the Prose-Rejected Writers Guild Picket Signs

Rejected Writers Guild Picket Signs

#Hashtag, You're It! - High Heroes

#Hashtag, You're It! - Sexy Streaming Services

#Hashtag, You're It! - Festering Fast Food

#Hashtag, You're It! - Sore Cereals

Skit Happens: Pee-Wee's Playhouse 90

Pee-wee's Playhouse 90

Dan Fiorella

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