From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Ah, yes, homonyms. I've actually written about this sketch before, here. It was a silly idea that just came together. I thought the wordplay would naturally work for PHC. They passed. Later on, I pulled it out again to my other radio outlets. They passed as well. As I wrote on the blog, one place was a maybe, then the same-titled sketch appeared on the show 30 Rock. That pretty much pulled the rug out from this bit. Here it is, the PHC version:
Homonyms!
GK: Later Tonight, stay tuned for the hottest newest gameshow on the radio, "Homonyms!"
HOST: Welcome to Homonyms! The gameshow that's wants you to guess that homonym, a word that is pronounced the same as another word but is spelled differently and has a different meaning. Let's meet our contestants.
DEBBIE: Hi! I'm Debbie Fergeson from Orlando. I'm married with three beautiful children.
HOST: Welcome to Homonyms! And your opponent is...
FILL: I'm Fill Johnson. I'm from Albany. I'm 32, single and live with my mom.
HOST: Welcome to the show, Phillip.
FILL: No, it's just "Fill." Spelled with an "f".
HOST: Wow, so you're name is a homonym! Super!
FILL: I guess so,
HOST: Well, let's start the game. You ready to play Homonyms?
DEBBIE: You bet, Dale.
FILL: Bring it on.
HOST: I'll give you a clue and you have to guess the homonym to that word. Now, according to our producer, Debbie won the toss backstage, so she goes first. Ready, Debbie?
DEBBIE: You bet I am!
HOST: Okay, the first clue is "shoot." Now, Debbie, name a homonym!
DEBBIE: Okay, okay, I'm going to say "chute."
(bell dings)
HOST: Correct for 10 points. Okay, now, Fill, your turn. Ready?
FILL: For what?
HOST: To play Homonyms!
FILL: Oh, right, right. Yes, I'm ready.
HOST: Okay, your clue is "There." Now, name a Homonym!
FILL: Oh, man...there. There.
HOST: Time's running out, Fill.
FILL: Can you repeat the clue?
HOST: Yes, the clue is "there."
FILL: I know this...is it "their"?
HOST: "Their" as the plural possessive or "They're" as the contraction for "They are?"
FILL: The possessive.
(buzzer)
HOST: I'm sorry. The correct response was "they're." They're.
FILL: Dang. I was going to say that.
(Siren)
HOST: Hey, that's our do-over siren. That means Fill, you get to repeat your turn.
FILL: That's good, right?
HOST: Okay, Fill, your clue is "mettle."
FILL: Okay, the answer is "determination."
(Buzz)
HOST: I'm sorry, that's a synonym for mettle. We were looking for the homonym, which, of course, is "metal."
FILL: Dang! Dang it all!
(alarm)
HOST: That sounds means Debbie is our winner and she now goes to the lightening round. Ready, Debbie?
DEBBIE: Let's do this.
HOST: Okay, the Lightning round.
(Lightning)
HOST: Affect.
DEBBIE: Effect.
(ding)
HOST: Correct. Ate.
DEBBIE: Eight.
(ding)
HOST: Correct. Cents.
DEBBIE: Sense.
(ding, ding, ding)
HOST: You're absolutely right! A clean sweep!
(band plays)
GK: That's tonight on "Homonyms!" On most of these public radio stations. Homonyms: there's nothing else that sounds like it.
end
HOST: Welcome to Homonyms! The gameshow that's wants you to guess that homonym, a word that is pronounced the same as another word but is spelled differently and has a different meaning. Let's meet our contestants.
DEBBIE: Hi! I'm Debbie Fergeson from Orlando. I'm married with three beautiful children.
HOST: Welcome to Homonyms! And your opponent is...
FILL: I'm Fill Johnson. I'm from Albany. I'm 32, single and live with my mom.
HOST: Welcome to the show, Phillip.
FILL: No, it's just "Fill." Spelled with an "f".
HOST: Wow, so you're name is a homonym! Super!
FILL: I guess so,
HOST: Well, let's start the game. You ready to play Homonyms?
DEBBIE: You bet, Dale.
FILL: Bring it on.
HOST: I'll give you a clue and you have to guess the homonym to that word. Now, according to our producer, Debbie won the toss backstage, so she goes first. Ready, Debbie?
DEBBIE: You bet I am!
HOST: Okay, the first clue is "shoot." Now, Debbie, name a homonym!
DEBBIE: Okay, okay, I'm going to say "chute."
(bell dings)
HOST: Correct for 10 points. Okay, now, Fill, your turn. Ready?
FILL: For what?
HOST: To play Homonyms!
FILL: Oh, right, right. Yes, I'm ready.
HOST: Okay, your clue is "There." Now, name a Homonym!
FILL: Oh, man...there. There.
HOST: Time's running out, Fill.
FILL: Can you repeat the clue?
HOST: Yes, the clue is "there."
FILL: I know this...is it "their"?
HOST: "Their" as the plural possessive or "They're" as the contraction for "They are?"
FILL: The possessive.
(buzzer)
HOST: I'm sorry. The correct response was "they're." They're.
FILL: Dang. I was going to say that.
(Siren)
HOST: Hey, that's our do-over siren. That means Fill, you get to repeat your turn.
FILL: That's good, right?
HOST: Okay, Fill, your clue is "mettle."
FILL: Okay, the answer is "determination."
(Buzz)
HOST: I'm sorry, that's a synonym for mettle. We were looking for the homonym, which, of course, is "metal."
FILL: Dang! Dang it all!
(alarm)
HOST: That sounds means Debbie is our winner and she now goes to the lightening round. Ready, Debbie?
DEBBIE: Let's do this.
HOST: Okay, the Lightning round.
(Lightning)
HOST: Affect.
DEBBIE: Effect.
(ding)
HOST: Correct. Ate.
DEBBIE: Eight.
(ding)
HOST: Correct. Cents.
DEBBIE: Sense.
(ding, ding, ding)
HOST: You're absolutely right! A clean sweep!
(band plays)
GK: That's tonight on "Homonyms!" On most of these public radio stations. Homonyms: there's nothing else that sounds like it.
end
