From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I had forgotten about this sketch. Man, I was ahead of the curve on this one. Back in 2005, it was starting to get more common to refer to your opponent as a "Hitler." This was back when that was considered a bad thing. This is when Godwin's rule of Hitler analogies came into usage. That rule said that if any online discussion continues long enough, someone will almost certainly compare someone else to Hitler. Again, back when this was a bad thing. So what would be more natural that turning that concept into a TV reality game show? They were very popular at the time. It's a quick bit, get in, get out and I think it makes a point. Not sure if this was the first or the second of the two sketches I submitted, but neither made the cut. I figure this must have been the first idea, and then the Independence Day idea make itself known.
I Wanna Be a Hitler
ANNOUNCER: From the Producers of "I Want to be a Hilton" and "Camp X-ray" comes the latest reality show hit, "I Wanna be a Hitler."
GERMAN: So, why to you wish to be a Hitler?
GUY: Well, no one takes me seriously, you know?
GIRL: I think I was Hitler in a former life.
WOMAN: I just really want to get my way all the time.
MAN: I always wanted to go to Paris.
ANNOUNCER: Contestants have to complete tasks and manage projects to see if they have what it takes to be a Hitler.
GIRL: Mary said that we have to complete the task an hour earlier. And she thinks that makes her Hitler? Hardly. I'm the one who's going to get her Hitler on.
MAN: I can't believe Max. He started getting in everyone's face and demanding that we listen to him and do exactly as he says, so then Steve says, "What are you? Some kind of Hitler?"
and I knew Steve was getting voted out.
WOMAN: Sure, Todd could beat us and break into our rooms for no reason, but that only makes him a jack-boot thug. It's going to take more than that to out-Hitler me.
ANNOUNCER: Yes, whether it's rigging elections, committing genocide or debating a topic to death, Hitler is the yardstick by which we measure every slight. And you'll get to see
people compete to be that yardstick.
MAN 2: Yeah, I had to start firing people. They started to disagree with me! How am I supposed to cope with that? You can't get more Hitler than that!
GIRL: It's all such a metaphor, you know? I mean, it's not like I would really kill their families or perform medical experiments on them, but metaphorically, I might. I can be very Hitler-sque.
GUY: I'm the one who's going to get in touch with my inner-Hitler.
ANNOUCER: You may really disagree with someone or just be very strict with your soup policies but you're no Hitler until we say you are! "I Wanna Be a Hitler," tonight on Public Radio. Tomorrow the world!
End
GERMAN: So, why to you wish to be a Hitler?
GUY: Well, no one takes me seriously, you know?
GIRL: I think I was Hitler in a former life.
WOMAN: I just really want to get my way all the time.
MAN: I always wanted to go to Paris.
ANNOUNCER: Contestants have to complete tasks and manage projects to see if they have what it takes to be a Hitler.
GIRL: Mary said that we have to complete the task an hour earlier. And she thinks that makes her Hitler? Hardly. I'm the one who's going to get her Hitler on.
MAN: I can't believe Max. He started getting in everyone's face and demanding that we listen to him and do exactly as he says, so then Steve says, "What are you? Some kind of Hitler?"
and I knew Steve was getting voted out.
WOMAN: Sure, Todd could beat us and break into our rooms for no reason, but that only makes him a jack-boot thug. It's going to take more than that to out-Hitler me.
ANNOUNCER: Yes, whether it's rigging elections, committing genocide or debating a topic to death, Hitler is the yardstick by which we measure every slight. And you'll get to see
people compete to be that yardstick.
MAN 2: Yeah, I had to start firing people. They started to disagree with me! How am I supposed to cope with that? You can't get more Hitler than that!
GIRL: It's all such a metaphor, you know? I mean, it's not like I would really kill their families or perform medical experiments on them, but metaphorically, I might. I can be very Hitler-sque.
GUY: I'm the one who's going to get in touch with my inner-Hitler.
ANNOUCER: You may really disagree with someone or just be very strict with your soup policies but you're no Hitler until we say you are! "I Wanna Be a Hitler," tonight on Public Radio. Tomorrow the world!
End
