I was taking my rejected PHC bits and posting them on ThemeStream and was then going on the PHC chat room trying to drive fan traffic to those ThemeStream pages to generate some income. I had totally forgotten about this scheme, so technically, this isn't the first time some of my bits have seen the light of day since being rejected!
Anyway, I attempted another go at one of their running gags, duct tape. It seems like a pleasant little ditty. Maybe slightly outside their standard format. And I'm sure all the typos didn't help me any. I like the thumb gag. I found it a challenge to take on these regular bits, to see if I could capture (and subvert) the show's voice. But, it made the material way too specific to attempt to sell elsewhere if rejected. Which, again, they mostly were. Anyway, here's a reprise of the duct tape sketch...
DR: Good evening.
GK: So, Dr. Almquist, it says here that you refer to yourself as the frugal doctor.
DR: Yes, sir, that's me. With medical costs soaring in the last few years and no national health program to speak of, I've been exploring alternate medical procedures emphasizing low cost aid, discounted treatments and cost-effective cures.
GK: Cheap fixes.
GK: And duct tape is a big part of your medical kit?
DR: It's the only thing in my black bag.
GK: The only thing? Really?
DR: Well, okay, that and a pair of scissors. I mean, I have to cut it, right? It's not like I can rip it with my teeth. That wouldn't be sanitary. This is a medical procedure after all.
GK: How do yo utilize duct tape?
DR: I use it in place of bandages, casts, stitches---
DR: You bet. I was able to reattach a man's thumb with duct tape.
GK: That's remarkable.
DR: Oh, yes. Turned out pretty well, too. Just don't go asking him to review a movie any time soon.
GK: So you truly believe in duct tape.
DR: Absolutely. Duct tape is as good as any sterile bandage and lasts way longer. Well after any injury has healed.
GK: Duct tape, just what the doctor ordered... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (DUCKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.