On the bright side, all those co-workers are gone now...
Dan Fiorella
Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large |
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From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... Another one I forgot. Boy, was reading this a trip. Some of this is lifted from one of my scripts, where my character goes undercover at this really horrible office job with really horrible people (spoiler alert; it was my job and co-workers). And after hearing the pie commercials, I realized it was about horrible things that are eventually made right by eating the pie. So I grafted my bits of office scenes into this. Didn't make the cut, however. And, unless I'm mistaken, it's the only time I tried to do a Bebop-A-Reebop Rhubarb Pie commercial. But even when I was writing for the show, I see that I really wasn't. I had too many characters. the pacing was off. I was writing to amuse myself. Sometimes it worked, sometimes (mostly) it didn't. I'd like to think I'm better at adapting myself to the gig, but I also know the difference when my heart is in it and when it isn't. It's with these kind of sketches I was most disappointed in when they were rejected. I honestly thought that by writing up these mockeries and getting them produced it would break the spell of my tedious job. I tied a lot of faith and hope to these type of writing projects when I set them out, like I really needed them to be picked. I needed them to be produced. I needed them to validate the ill-feelings I had toward my job. On the bright side, all those co-workers are gone now... Bebop-A-Reebop Rhubarb Pie
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From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... This is one of those sketches I had totally forgotten about. And it's an old one. I wrote this bit in college. I preformed it there as well. It was cross between my Python-style shop sketches and an Abbott & Costello patter routine. I remember sneaking into the sign printing press at work (I was part-time at Kmart) and actually setting the type and ink and printing up the various sample slogans to give the sketch some visual punch. I'm actually proud of the skit, too, because I managed to bring the sketch full circle, get to the phrase needed and get the shopkeep to take credit for it. Plus I worked in an Abbott & Costello reference. It was certainly a weird variation on my Pet Store and Plant Store sketches, and of my shopkeep guy, who I later on named Martin Storeman and applied it retroactively to all these Dead Parrot-style routines. I can't even remember how the idea came up, but I certainly held to the premise and worked it well. I guess it was only a matter of time before I pitched it to PHC. I had to add a wrap-around set-up, to make it seem like an on-going serial, which worked fine. I thought they would like the word play. I thought GK could be Paul Revere, but maybe that was too big a stretch from his usually droll/low-key demeanor. It was a pass for them. When I did do the sketch at college, I attempted to audio tape the show. That tape is kicking around somewhere, I suppose. Maybe I'll get around to digitizing it and upload it someday. Ye Olde Catch-Phrase ShoppeFrom 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... This is a recycled bit, built up out of multiple sources. As I mention elsewhere I had written a sketch about the gods on Mt. Olympus. I really was proud of it. So, naturally, I decided to dust it off and submit it to PHC. The sketch itself lifted a couple of bits from a prose piece I did, Lessor Known Gods, which got published in the Staten Island Advance and a fanzine I worked on once (there's a series of blog posts waiting to happen!). Re-reading it now, I can see why it was rejected. It's too much. Too many people. I thought radio was magical and there were no limits, but I have since learned that radio producers still don't like "big casts" even if the performers can do several voices. It's a little too esoteric: I still bounce around with the writers guild issue of no pay for internet content, as if that would appeal to or be recognized by a general audience. It's a strong piece, but the wrong venue. But this is how I act toward gigs, I fling everything at it them, desperate to make a connection. I'd like to think I've resisted that urge better lately, but look at me posting all this stuff on my blog? What's THAT about? MT. OLYMPUSFrom 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... Oh, look, another pharma parody! This one was a rewrite of an old Cracked magazine piece I did. Also inspired by SNL's Happy Fun Ball. They are fun bits to write, as you can just do a stream-of-consciousness run of the various things that can go wrong. It's a staple of comedy, runs of words that play off each over, sound alike, get worse and worse, or more absurd. It's just weird that I submitted this bit so closely after I submitted the other bit. But, when you're trying to come up with material, you can't get too choosy about what and when you send it. But, unlike the Cracked version, the set up is pretty straight forward. It's the disclaimers that go nuts and completely contradict the commercial. Especially the fact that the first three things side effects are the exact things the commercial copy says it doesn't do. Too subtle? ULTI-MEDFrom 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things... Ah, the frustrated song book. Turns out his was a specially of mine, especially before I got into actual song parody. One of the first sketches I wrote was in college for a St. Patrick's Day show where a guy in a leprechaun suit (me) tries to put together a medley of Irish tunes, but can only come up with the jingle for Irish Spring Soap. I don't recall what prompted this skit, I had forgotten about it until I starting going back to all my old stuff, but it's very typical of me. Less so of PHC, which is probably why it wasn't used. GK is very much reduced to a straight man here, just trying to correct the "comic," and growing frustrated by the process. That's a bit out of character for his character. However, the idea that a singer can't come up with the right song when there are dozens of songs about NYC is a pretty solid premise for a sketch. The line "I left my spleen in New Orleans" was a little ditty I'd sing whenever I heard the Tony Bennett standard, developed in a time when I felt I had to put a twist on everything, because that's "what comedy did!" And, there's a bit of topicality here with mentions of Mayor Guilliani, who, thought respected in NYC at the time, was still not thought well of by the NPR liberals, so that line would have gotten a laugh. I'm especially fond of the wrap up and smiled as I re-read the bit while editing it for the blog. Abbott & Costello would have had a fine time with it. Keillior & Co., less so. I SING OF NYCI've a bit of a "staff writer" on the LA-based comedy show TMI: Hollywood for the past couple of years, and I've had a pretty decent track record for someone on the wrong coast. They're gearing up for their 2019 season with a special taped version of the live show dedicated to the Oscars. Oddly, since they gave themselves so much lead time for this particular show, they decided to list the skits they didn't use on their Facebook page. And since I've been blogging about my skits that didn't get used here, I figured this was a natural to post now. The Oscar show is something the group does every year, and it's tough to come up with some new take on it. They leave the parameters pretty open; sketches about the show itself, nominated movies, red carpet, etc. As I was pondering this, there were two hot topics online that week; the announcement that Kevin Hart had dropped out as host and that some podcaster making a speech to an anti-abortion rally that he wouldn't kill baby Hitler if he had the chance. Now, at first glance, these two things wouldn't seem to come together. At second or third glance, too. But, when you're hard up for a concept, you take what you can get, which is goofy comedy and a hot topic. Pity it wasn't used, but I appreciate the online shout-out about the submission. ETA: I'm updating this post because I just saw the TMI Oscar show posted on Youtube. Turns out their FB shout-outs were leading up to a bit they produced for the show: Cut bit, right? So, for the curious, here's my actual sketch: Baby Hitler Hosts the OscarsLooking back, it turns out I didn't do a whole bunch of Valentine's Day sketches. The groups I got involved in would do Christmas, or Oscars or even Halloween, but Valentine's Day? Not so much. Even SNL makes a bigger deal about Mother's Day than it does about Valentine's Day. But I've done a couple. For instance: Coming off a barrage of Hallmark movies, I was getting punchy and it came out as a Hallmark Christmas parody. I did a Hallmark St. Patrick's Day parody and then I did this. I've posted it elsewhere on the blog, along with a hope that it would be resurrected in a future format, but, alas, that theater group isn't doing it's annual Valentine Day show this year. So, let's toss the original sketch back into the mix in this year's celebration of St. Valentine! This edition of Skit Happens is brought to you by "Love and Other Distractions" the anthology for charity! Fifteen Hollywood writers spin tales of romance and more! Get your copy today at Amazon! The CPHCCVDMF
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Dan FiorellaFreelance writer, still hacking away. Archives
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