New Year’s Noisemakers
ANNOUNCER: …The ratchet…
ANNOUNCER: …the blow out…
ANNOUNCER: And Uncle Henry after a couple of cups of holiday punch.
HENRY: (drunk) Happy Yew Nears, every botty!
ANNOUNCER: We also carry the more exotic types like the groan tube…
ANNOUNCER: …and the kazoo.
ANNOUNCER: Of course, back in my day, we didn’t have fancy, factory-made noisemakers. We had to make do with things found around the house. Like banging pots.
ANNOUNCER: Or swinging the cat.
ANNOUNCER: My aunt used shake a chicken at midnight…
ANNOUNCER: …but would squeeze a duck in a pinch.
ANNOUNCER: But no more, thanks to ACME Noisemakers. Now if anyone falls asleep at your party you can wake them with a blast from an ACME horn or blow-out.
MAN: What the---? Is it New Year’s?
WOMAN: It’s nine o’clock. Wake up. You’re sleeping in the onion dip.
MAN: Oh. It’s very good.
WOMAN: Why, thank you.
ANNOUNCER: ACME Noisemakers. They’re not just for St. Patrick’s Day any more.
(All noisemakers go off)