Just before Thanksgiving, PETA issued a demand that the city of Turkey, Texas, to change its name to 'Tofurky' for Thanksgiving. Because they have just that much time on their hands...
NBC News hired Chelsea Clinton to serve as a full-time special correspondent…
…because they’ve been so shy about getting out the Democrats’ side of the story.
…to do stories about groups who are doing good for the country. So, not many stories about Democrats.
A hostile New York Times Sunday Magazine profile of Herman Cain said that Cain seems like someone who has never opened a newspaper…
…and based on their subscription numbers, neither has anyone else.
…well, certainly not the NY Times.
Because President Obama refused to sign the Keystone oil pipeline agreement, the Canadian Prime Minister stated that he would look to Asia to sell its oil…
…good luck building a pipeline to Asia.
…sure, thanks to the White House, it’ll probably be easier to build a pipeline to Asia than the US.
Portland city officials needed 70 dump trucks to clean up after the Occupy Portland protesters were removed from two downtown parks…
…as part of their “share the filth” demands.
The Supreme Court agreed to rule on President Obama's healthcare law…
…so let’s see if they pull the plug on it.
New data indicates that fewer Mexicans are coming to the US due to the weak economy and many are returning to Mexico, so, some good news from Obamanomics.
According to a new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer…
…first, what men were admitting to having sex with animals?
…I’m thinking penile cancer is the least of these guys’ problems.
…also, fleas and ticks.
The Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice in Saudi Arabia has decreed that Saudi women can be forced to cover even their eyes if their eyes are deemed “tempting” or sexy…
…they also decreed the game of “Peek-a-boo” is now considered foreplay.
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are divorcing…
…No word on who gets custody of Ashton Kutcher.
…with Charlie Sheen standing by to replace him.
…no word on who gets custody of the twitter account.
A Boston University professor mathematics is facing charges for cooking and distributing methamphetamine…
…The Professor claimed it was simple confusion over the words “meth” and “math.”
…when asked to comment, the Professor said, “Math teacher? I thought you said Meth!”
Sylvester Stallone is launching a theater musical based on his film "Rocky…"
…wait, you mean it wasn’t a musical?
…also, he’s working on a new play, “Stop or My Mom Will Sing.”
…which, of course will lead to “Rocky 2: the Musical” and “Rocky 3: the Musical.”
…wow, and you thought people got hurt during “Spiderman: the Musical.”
Police in Florida arrested a 45-year-old woman after she allegedly attacked her father for refusing to share his potato salad…
…she was charge with slaw and battery.
…so Congress is now proposing potato salad control legislation.
Authorities have arrested a man they claim was plotting to detonate pipe bombs in and around New York…
…police are calling him a “lone wolf” terrorist with no affiliation, although he has friended al Qaeda on Facebook.
…while he bought supplies for his bombs from different stores as not to raise any flags, he learned how to make a pipe bomb from al Qaeda’s website. Which kinda seems like a big red flag.
In a surprise announcement, the SuperCongress committee declared that it was unable to reach an agreement to address the budget crisis…
…and will be returning to their home planet, Kyrpton.
…nah, I’m kidding, it wasn’t a surprise at all.
Newt Gingrich blasted the Congressional Budget Office saying it is a reactionary socialist institution…
…well, at least he didn’t compare it to Hitler.
…saying it wasn’t like that back when he was in Congress.
Police in Illinois arrested an 18-year-old girl who crashed her car because she was so upset that her boyfriend didn’t take her to see the new Twilight movie, but in the boyfriend’s defense, it was the new Twilight movie.
Police in Australia are looking for a man who left a suitcase filled with a million dollars an Italian restaurant in Sydney…
…although waiters at the restaurant are claiming is was their tip.
…Police has eliminated any Americans, because they don’t have that kind of money anymore.
A Russian TV newscaster was fired after she flipped her middle finger on the air while talking about President Obama at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit…
…and now has a job at Fox news.
EU officials concluded that, following a three-year investigation, there was no evidence to prove that water does not prevent dehydration…
…which follows their previous finding that money does not prevent debit crisis.
…next they will determine if food prevents hunger.
Delaware’s Adopt-A-Highway program is allowing the National Socialist Freedom Movement Nazi Party to adopt a section of roadway…
…which is weird, because it’s a blacktop road.
…but isn’t allowing them to put the word “Nazi” on the signage. Good for you, Delaware. That’ll show them.
A Georgia factory worker filed a federal lawsuit after he was fired because he refused to wear a “666” sticker to mark the company’s 666th day without an accident…
…you know, maybe it would have been easier to just cause an accident on the 665th day.
Canada began circulating all-plastic $100 bills last week, made out of polymer…
…we could have had polymer money too, but the Obama Administration delayed a decision on it until 2013.
…meanwhile, our currency is being treated like it’s made out of toilet paper.
…while our money is barely made out of money.
It’s been reported that Jennifer Lopez used a body double for her Fiat commercial so she didn't have to film in the Bronx…
…so, I guess Jenny from the block is bunk.
…sure, she’s still Jenny from the block. It’s just the block is now Rodeo Drive.
Sales from Black Friday hit new highs this year, which has the Democrats claiming the recession is over. Of course, had sales been down, the Democrats would have blamed it on Black Friday’s racism.
NBC was forced to apologized to Rep. Michele Bachmann over the incident where Jimmy Fallon’s house band, The Roots, played the song "Lyin' Ass Bitch" when she appeared on Late Night…
…which, coincidently is what the press plays just before a presidential press conference.
…the incident has sparked outrage from the National Organization of Women---wait, no, she’s a conservative woman, so NOW gives it two thumbs up.
…which means HARDBALL is going to have to come up with a new song for its Bachmann interviews.
…Now NBC also needs to apologized “The Playboy Club” and “Whitney.”
…although Bachmann stated she was disappointed that the apology came from a vice president of programming and not NBC’s president. NBC stated that if maybe Bachmann were higher in the polls, the president would have apologized.
President Obama pardoned Liberty, the official national Thanksgiving Turkey the day before Thanksgiving, who was later captured by a group called Occupy Thanksgiving.
President Obama was going to pardon Liberty, the official national Thanksgiving Turkey the day before Thanksgiving. But then he decided to delay it for 14 months. Meanwhile, it was delicious.
The first two months of the nationwide Occupy protests cost local taxpayers at least $13 million in police overtime and other municipal services…
…so it’s more like they’re occupying your wallet.
…which isn’t a problem, because, as we know, the government has money to burn.
…bad enough they’re not contributing to society, but now their costing us to boot.
A new study by University of Southern California researchers shows that women and girls are still sexualized in Hollywood productions and Rosanne is finally fed-up with it.
Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly commented that that pepper spray is “a food product essentially.” Which may explain why the media is now downgrading Occupy Wall Street from “Protest” to “food fight.”
A California woman pepper sprayed 20 other customers during a Black Friday sale at Walmart…
…Ironically, it was a sale on pepper spray.
…but it turned out just to be one of those perfume squirters gone rogue.
Paramount announced that the Star Trek sequel will be released May 17, 2013. Nerds are already forming lines.
In an article for Broadcasting & Cable magazine, Al Gore states how the American public is “desperately hungry” for Current TV…
…it’s just so hard to find between Telemundo and the Fishing Channel.
…and he has scientists who can prove his ratings are really higher than they are.
Maggie Daley, the wife of former Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley died at the age of 68. Friends mourned her passing, but took comfort in the fact that she’ll still be voting for years to come.
Plans for a Kardashian Khristmas special on E! have been scrapped once everyone realized that there just weren’t enough Christmas Ghosts to straighten out the entire family.
A porn company is trying to cash in on the Occupy protests with a video that it filmed inside a tent at the Occupy Oakland encampment…
…called “Yo, Occupy This!”
…Well, when we hear the Occupy protests were trying to “stick it to the man” this isn’t what we thought.
…which is a nice change of pace from all those sexual assault stories coming out of the Occupy camps.
…because they’ve been so shy about getting out the Democrats’ side of the story.
…to do stories about groups who are doing good for the country. So, not many stories about Democrats.
A hostile New York Times Sunday Magazine profile of Herman Cain said that Cain seems like someone who has never opened a newspaper…
…and based on their subscription numbers, neither has anyone else.
…well, certainly not the NY Times.
Because President Obama refused to sign the Keystone oil pipeline agreement, the Canadian Prime Minister stated that he would look to Asia to sell its oil…
…good luck building a pipeline to Asia.
…sure, thanks to the White House, it’ll probably be easier to build a pipeline to Asia than the US.
Portland city officials needed 70 dump trucks to clean up after the Occupy Portland protesters were removed from two downtown parks…
…as part of their “share the filth” demands.
The Supreme Court agreed to rule on President Obama's healthcare law…
…so let’s see if they pull the plug on it.
New data indicates that fewer Mexicans are coming to the US due to the weak economy and many are returning to Mexico, so, some good news from Obamanomics.
According to a new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer…
…first, what men were admitting to having sex with animals?
…I’m thinking penile cancer is the least of these guys’ problems.
…also, fleas and ticks.
The Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice in Saudi Arabia has decreed that Saudi women can be forced to cover even their eyes if their eyes are deemed “tempting” or sexy…
…they also decreed the game of “Peek-a-boo” is now considered foreplay.
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are divorcing…
…No word on who gets custody of Ashton Kutcher.
…with Charlie Sheen standing by to replace him.
…no word on who gets custody of the twitter account.
A Boston University professor mathematics is facing charges for cooking and distributing methamphetamine…
…The Professor claimed it was simple confusion over the words “meth” and “math.”
…when asked to comment, the Professor said, “Math teacher? I thought you said Meth!”
Sylvester Stallone is launching a theater musical based on his film "Rocky…"
…wait, you mean it wasn’t a musical?
…also, he’s working on a new play, “Stop or My Mom Will Sing.”
…which, of course will lead to “Rocky 2: the Musical” and “Rocky 3: the Musical.”
…wow, and you thought people got hurt during “Spiderman: the Musical.”
Police in Florida arrested a 45-year-old woman after she allegedly attacked her father for refusing to share his potato salad…
…she was charge with slaw and battery.
…so Congress is now proposing potato salad control legislation.
Authorities have arrested a man they claim was plotting to detonate pipe bombs in and around New York…
…police are calling him a “lone wolf” terrorist with no affiliation, although he has friended al Qaeda on Facebook.
…while he bought supplies for his bombs from different stores as not to raise any flags, he learned how to make a pipe bomb from al Qaeda’s website. Which kinda seems like a big red flag.
In a surprise announcement, the SuperCongress committee declared that it was unable to reach an agreement to address the budget crisis…
…and will be returning to their home planet, Kyrpton.
…nah, I’m kidding, it wasn’t a surprise at all.
Newt Gingrich blasted the Congressional Budget Office saying it is a reactionary socialist institution…
…well, at least he didn’t compare it to Hitler.
…saying it wasn’t like that back when he was in Congress.
Police in Illinois arrested an 18-year-old girl who crashed her car because she was so upset that her boyfriend didn’t take her to see the new Twilight movie, but in the boyfriend’s defense, it was the new Twilight movie.
Police in Australia are looking for a man who left a suitcase filled with a million dollars an Italian restaurant in Sydney…
…although waiters at the restaurant are claiming is was their tip.
…Police has eliminated any Americans, because they don’t have that kind of money anymore.
A Russian TV newscaster was fired after she flipped her middle finger on the air while talking about President Obama at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit…
…and now has a job at Fox news.
EU officials concluded that, following a three-year investigation, there was no evidence to prove that water does not prevent dehydration…
…which follows their previous finding that money does not prevent debit crisis.
…next they will determine if food prevents hunger.
Delaware’s Adopt-A-Highway program is allowing the National Socialist Freedom Movement Nazi Party to adopt a section of roadway…
…which is weird, because it’s a blacktop road.
…but isn’t allowing them to put the word “Nazi” on the signage. Good for you, Delaware. That’ll show them.
A Georgia factory worker filed a federal lawsuit after he was fired because he refused to wear a “666” sticker to mark the company’s 666th day without an accident…
…you know, maybe it would have been easier to just cause an accident on the 665th day.
Canada began circulating all-plastic $100 bills last week, made out of polymer…
…we could have had polymer money too, but the Obama Administration delayed a decision on it until 2013.
…meanwhile, our currency is being treated like it’s made out of toilet paper.
…while our money is barely made out of money.
It’s been reported that Jennifer Lopez used a body double for her Fiat commercial so she didn't have to film in the Bronx…
…so, I guess Jenny from the block is bunk.
…sure, she’s still Jenny from the block. It’s just the block is now Rodeo Drive.
Sales from Black Friday hit new highs this year, which has the Democrats claiming the recession is over. Of course, had sales been down, the Democrats would have blamed it on Black Friday’s racism.
NBC was forced to apologized to Rep. Michele Bachmann over the incident where Jimmy Fallon’s house band, The Roots, played the song "Lyin' Ass Bitch" when she appeared on Late Night…
…which, coincidently is what the press plays just before a presidential press conference.
…the incident has sparked outrage from the National Organization of Women---wait, no, she’s a conservative woman, so NOW gives it two thumbs up.
…which means HARDBALL is going to have to come up with a new song for its Bachmann interviews.
…Now NBC also needs to apologized “The Playboy Club” and “Whitney.”
…although Bachmann stated she was disappointed that the apology came from a vice president of programming and not NBC’s president. NBC stated that if maybe Bachmann were higher in the polls, the president would have apologized.
President Obama pardoned Liberty, the official national Thanksgiving Turkey the day before Thanksgiving, who was later captured by a group called Occupy Thanksgiving.
President Obama was going to pardon Liberty, the official national Thanksgiving Turkey the day before Thanksgiving. But then he decided to delay it for 14 months. Meanwhile, it was delicious.
The first two months of the nationwide Occupy protests cost local taxpayers at least $13 million in police overtime and other municipal services…
…so it’s more like they’re occupying your wallet.
…which isn’t a problem, because, as we know, the government has money to burn.
…bad enough they’re not contributing to society, but now their costing us to boot.
A new study by University of Southern California researchers shows that women and girls are still sexualized in Hollywood productions and Rosanne is finally fed-up with it.
Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly commented that that pepper spray is “a food product essentially.” Which may explain why the media is now downgrading Occupy Wall Street from “Protest” to “food fight.”
A California woman pepper sprayed 20 other customers during a Black Friday sale at Walmart…
…Ironically, it was a sale on pepper spray.
…but it turned out just to be one of those perfume squirters gone rogue.
Paramount announced that the Star Trek sequel will be released May 17, 2013. Nerds are already forming lines.
In an article for Broadcasting & Cable magazine, Al Gore states how the American public is “desperately hungry” for Current TV…
…it’s just so hard to find between Telemundo and the Fishing Channel.
…and he has scientists who can prove his ratings are really higher than they are.
Maggie Daley, the wife of former Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley died at the age of 68. Friends mourned her passing, but took comfort in the fact that she’ll still be voting for years to come.
Plans for a Kardashian Khristmas special on E! have been scrapped once everyone realized that there just weren’t enough Christmas Ghosts to straighten out the entire family.
A porn company is trying to cash in on the Occupy protests with a video that it filmed inside a tent at the Occupy Oakland encampment…
…called “Yo, Occupy This!”
…Well, when we hear the Occupy protests were trying to “stick it to the man” this isn’t what we thought.
…which is a nice change of pace from all those sexual assault stories coming out of the Occupy camps.
