From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I feel like I wrote and sent this to PHC on a dare. There was no way in Noel that Keillor would allow a parody of Ted and Ted's Excellent Adventure on air. Talk about out of his wheelhouse. But I had the title kicking around for quite some time (I even used it here). But now a sketch was written and had to be sent somewhere...
Ted & Bill's Excellent Advent
GK: Tonight on Public Radio, a holiday special that rocks out like no other! It's "Ted & Bill's Excellent Advent!"
(Guitar jamming)
TED: Yo, Bill, I totally don't know what to get the girl's for Christmas!
BILL: I must concur. We need to get the most perfect present for Christmas.
TED: I know! We need to find the true meaning of Christmas then we can get the totally appropriate gift.
BILL: Excellent!
ANNOUNCER: Follow Bill and Ted as they search for the true meaning of Christmas, stopping by Charles Dickens' London...
TED: Whoa, Mr. Dickens, your "Christmas Carol" totally rocks!
BILL: It is a most excellent treatise on man's need to connect with his fellow beings.
DICKENS: Thank you, I think.
ANNOUNCER: Off to the first Noel in the little town of Bethlehem...
BILL: Okay, King, dudes, what's a little baby supposed to do with gold, frankincense and myrrh?
TED: What is myrrh?
BILL: I don't know, but I like saying it; myrrh...
TED: Myrrh.
BOTH: Excellent!
ANNOUNCER: And off to the North Pole, where they defeat an invasion of Martians trying to kidnap Santa Claus!
(Laser blasts, explosions)
MARTIANS: Surrender, earthlings. Resistance is futile.
SANTA: What do you do now?
TED: Hand me a few of those fruitcakes, Santa.
ANNOUNCER: And rush back home, just in time for Christmas morning!
(Sleigh bells)
TED: Santa, we totally appreciate this ride back home! Our girl friends will completely love these solid gold Christmas wreaths!
ANNOUNCER: It's a totally non-bogus Christmas with "Bill & Ted's Excellent Advent." Rated R for "Righteous."
GK: A most awesome advent tonight on most of these public radio stations.
End
(Guitar jamming)
TED: Yo, Bill, I totally don't know what to get the girl's for Christmas!
BILL: I must concur. We need to get the most perfect present for Christmas.
TED: I know! We need to find the true meaning of Christmas then we can get the totally appropriate gift.
BILL: Excellent!
ANNOUNCER: Follow Bill and Ted as they search for the true meaning of Christmas, stopping by Charles Dickens' London...
TED: Whoa, Mr. Dickens, your "Christmas Carol" totally rocks!
BILL: It is a most excellent treatise on man's need to connect with his fellow beings.
DICKENS: Thank you, I think.
ANNOUNCER: Off to the first Noel in the little town of Bethlehem...
BILL: Okay, King, dudes, what's a little baby supposed to do with gold, frankincense and myrrh?
TED: What is myrrh?
BILL: I don't know, but I like saying it; myrrh...
TED: Myrrh.
BOTH: Excellent!
ANNOUNCER: And off to the North Pole, where they defeat an invasion of Martians trying to kidnap Santa Claus!
(Laser blasts, explosions)
MARTIANS: Surrender, earthlings. Resistance is futile.
SANTA: What do you do now?
TED: Hand me a few of those fruitcakes, Santa.
ANNOUNCER: And rush back home, just in time for Christmas morning!
(Sleigh bells)
TED: Santa, we totally appreciate this ride back home! Our girl friends will completely love these solid gold Christmas wreaths!
ANNOUNCER: It's a totally non-bogus Christmas with "Bill & Ted's Excellent Advent." Rated R for "Righteous."
GK: A most awesome advent tonight on most of these public radio stations.
End
