From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I kinda covered this sketch back in 2018 here. It started with the age-old question: What is the deal with that Dolly? It's a couple of quick jokes about defective toys meeting up with the Misfit toys, so get it, make some gags and get out. Was doing a parody of a 40-year old TV special too pop-culture for PHC? Who knows. I thought it was a solid little sketch. The fact that I was able to dust it off and expand upon it years later means it was a good premise that got better with each execution. PHC passed, so as part of our look at Christmas past, here is...
The Island of Recalled Toys
GK: Later tonight, on most of these public radio stations, take a trip back to a magical land filled with all the childhood dreams and holiday wishes that almost made it to the store shelf. It's the new holiday special, "The Island of Recalled Toys."
CHARLIE-IN-THE-BOX: Here it is again, Christmas Eve, and Santa's forgotten us.
DOLLY: When will it be our turn?
(Jiggle Bells)
GK: Yes, the citizens of the island are back again, waiting for a merry Christmas. Your old favorites:
COWBOY: I'm still on an ostrich!
ELEPHANT: I'm still poka-dotted!
ANNOUNCER: And some new friends:
OVEN: I'm an Easy-Cook Oven with faulty wiring.
GI JOE: I'm Don't Ask, Don't Tell GI Joe. Advocacy Groups claim I'm inappropriate.
CLOWN: I'm Jolly the Clown. My innards are toxic!
OTHERS: Oh.
GK: They all join forces and attempt to escape the island in time for Christmas!
DOLLY: I don't think we're going to finish this tunnel in time.
COWBOY: So, what's your story, Malibu Barbara?
BARBARA: Apparently, my head comes off and can be swallowed by small children.
CHARLIE: Bummer!
GK: And who shows up to help? Why old Saint Nick himself!
SANTA: I'm sorry, toys, I wish I could bring you all to new homes, but I don't want to open myself to all sorts of lawsuits.
GK: But even Santa can't fight the curse of the Island of Recalled Toys.
SANTA: Okay, I can see why they'd recall the train with the square wheels and the boat that won't float, but what's wrong with the dolly?
COWBOY: She's bulimic.
GK: It's the holiday spirit come to life in a safe and non-toxic manner. It's "The Island of Recalled Toys." That's tonight on most of these Public Radio stations.
end
CHARLIE-IN-THE-BOX: Here it is again, Christmas Eve, and Santa's forgotten us.
DOLLY: When will it be our turn?
(Jiggle Bells)
GK: Yes, the citizens of the island are back again, waiting for a merry Christmas. Your old favorites:
COWBOY: I'm still on an ostrich!
ELEPHANT: I'm still poka-dotted!
ANNOUNCER: And some new friends:
OVEN: I'm an Easy-Cook Oven with faulty wiring.
GI JOE: I'm Don't Ask, Don't Tell GI Joe. Advocacy Groups claim I'm inappropriate.
CLOWN: I'm Jolly the Clown. My innards are toxic!
OTHERS: Oh.
GK: They all join forces and attempt to escape the island in time for Christmas!
DOLLY: I don't think we're going to finish this tunnel in time.
COWBOY: So, what's your story, Malibu Barbara?
BARBARA: Apparently, my head comes off and can be swallowed by small children.
CHARLIE: Bummer!
GK: And who shows up to help? Why old Saint Nick himself!
SANTA: I'm sorry, toys, I wish I could bring you all to new homes, but I don't want to open myself to all sorts of lawsuits.
GK: But even Santa can't fight the curse of the Island of Recalled Toys.
SANTA: Okay, I can see why they'd recall the train with the square wheels and the boat that won't float, but what's wrong with the dolly?
COWBOY: She's bulimic.
GK: It's the holiday spirit come to life in a safe and non-toxic manner. It's "The Island of Recalled Toys." That's tonight on most of these Public Radio stations.
end
