| Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large |
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 BRAVO: “You like shows about angry people cursing each other? BRAVO for you!”
CLOO: “It’s a mystery why we still have this name.” AMC: “Sure, okay, we still show movies, but have you seen Walking Dead? Awesome, right?” TruTV: “Because if it were really True, it wouldn’t be on TV.”
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 What with all the Who-mania over the 50th anniversary of the British TV series and the launch of the new doctor next year, I thought I'd take some time out to check out the show and see what all the fuss is about. I came away with a couple of thoughts:
Doctor: "Doctor Who" is essentially “Star Trek” if it was written by Monty Python. The Doctor has a lot of trouble driving the time machine called the TARDIS. Many episodes are like the Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons where they pop out of the ground looking at a map and saying, “I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.” Apparently, the show is not a spin-off of “Horton Hears a Who.” It’s always aliens. No matter what genre the story is, Westerns, ghosts, mysteries, vampires, it the end, the reason for the problem is aliens. Based on the sounds it makes, the TARDIS has asthma. Abbott & Costello never met Doctor Who, but should have. Paul McGann (8th Doctor) is like the George Lazenby of Doctor Whos. Everyone in the universe speaks with a British accent. The villians, the mechanical Daleks are like snotty R2D2s. There are a lot of rules about time travel. And they always have to be broken to make the plots work or come up with new stories. Because of events in the 50th anniversary movie "Day of the Doctor," the 9th, 10th and 11th Doctors will all be listed with an asterisk next to their number from now on. If I were the evil cyborgs, the Cybermen, I’d totally being suing The Borg. If something bad happens to the Doctor, he will regenerate into another British guy. Well, with the big guns tucked away until September, or December, or maybe January, what TV shows are the networks planning to fill the air waves with? Let’s check some out:
“Dr. Drew’s Prehab:” Children are taken and sent off to a facility because they show tendencies of possibly becoming addicts of some kind or other. “Let’s Fire Mel:” Reality show where a efficiency expert comes into a business office and puts the office workers though a series of tests before ultimately firing some guy named Mel. “Dating Inferno:” Celebrity chef follows a couple on their first date and curses at them. “Can I Hit You For a Dollar?:” New game show where the host walks up to people and asks if he can hit them with a bat for cash. “Holmes Alone:” When Dr. Watson goes on vacation, Sherlock is forced to solve crimes by himself. “American Cops on Duty, Eh?:” New police show about American cops that they claim wasn’t filmed in Canada because it’s cheaper. “Tanning With the Stars:” New reality show where celebrities tan with the experts. “Jersey, Sure?:” A group of kids try to get a summer house at the beach, but aren’t positive where it is. “Crass Cab:” a person gets into a cab and is offended by non-stop by the cabbie’s uncouth manners. It’s a documentary. Pilot season is upon us, so look for these TV show coming soon to a TV near you. Or not.
“Downton Abby” joins a gym: “Downton Abs.” “The Chew” with a panel of doctors discussing disease: “Ah Choo.” Musical about the Korean War: “S*M*A*S*H.” Aliens take over a TV Network: “30 Rock From the Sun.” Judges attempt to pick the person with the worst habit: "The Vice." “Downton Abby” in Silicone Valley: “Downton Apps.” Show about making of the Hulk Broadway musical: “Hulk Smash.” Dad explains to his kids how they all died: “How I Met Your Maker.” Sherlock Holmes becomes a throat doctor: “Alimentary.” “Downton Abby” buy a sandwich shop: “Downton Deli” The US Supreme Court ruled against fines and sanctions against broadcasters who violated the FCC policy regulating curse words and nudity on broadcast television. Which can only mean one thing…
A hot and sassy new TV season! That’s right, CBS is throwing off its stodgy old programming to get its freak on air! So look for these sizzling new shows! How I Did You Mother! Two and a Half Way! Person of Incest! A Big Bang! CSI: Sweden! Really Big Brother! Mike & Molly & Ted & Alice! The XXX Factor! Hawaii 69! And get to see how those 2 Broke Girls start earning money this year! And yes, it still involves cupcakes! And stay tuned for “60 Minutes.” 60 minutes of what you ask? You’ll just have to tune in. So, watch the hot new shows on CBS and thanks, Supreme Court, for lettin’ CBS get their groove on. classic movie, "Abbott & Costello Meet Their Maker."
"30 Rock From the Sun," a sit-com about a group of aliens who come to Earth and run a TV show.
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Dan FiorellaFreelance writer, still hacking away. 
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