Category: Sketch - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion - Red State Christmas (Dec. '05)

12/13/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

My goodness, I was must have been very angry when I wrote this. Song parodies. Political humor. Bad puns. It's all here. And, worse, with some minor re-writing, it's totally applicable to day. People forget we've been dealing with this Red State/Blue State divide for a while now. The war on Christmas has been an annual claim for many, many seasons. The bellyaching I heard back then hasn't changed much. Maybe just angrier.

I note I didn't put GK in as the announcer. Did I think it was too outrageous for him? I was to be one of those hyperactive TV announcer types (not Garrison's thing at all) but the "decorated" joke was right up his alley. It got a pass, but it's a pretty solid bit, if I do say so myself.

Red State Christmas

Barely Home Companion - A Holiday Carol (Dec. '05)

12/6/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Before woke became woke, there were the rumblings of the annual "War on Christmas" nonsense. I decided to jump aboard although, now reading this all these years later, I'm not sure whose case I was making. Except mocking commercialism. That was always a thing. But people were claiming that we weren't being allowed to say "Merry Christmas" by liberals. Their proof? Big retail companies were using the phrase "Happy Holidays," which allowed them to put up their holiday decorations early and keep them up longer without having to spend extra to swap them out. Forced to acknowledge that their stores operate in a multi-cultural society and wanting to welcome as many customers as possible, corporations started to be more generic about their wintertime greetings. And this angered (and still angers) people who want to be the center of attention and won't share the cultural spotlight.

Couched as a ad for an upcoming NPR special (as PHC often used), it's a look at Dicken's tale but without the word Christmas. I actually named Walmart, which at the time was dictating retail rules, setting up deals with China for products and underselling everyone thanks to it. So dealing with a communistic, atheistic dictatorship was really working for them. And proto-MAGA (then the Tea Party) loved them for it...to a point.

The piece didn't get used; it's all attitude and no real jokes, so I get it. Anyway, Season's Greetings, everyone!

A Holiday Carol

Barely Home Companion - It's the Most Wonderful Life (Nov. '05)

11/29/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

I think this is one of those deal where I wrote the song parody for ACN and it was passed on. Now, it's was kind of a risky submission; PHC wasn't exactly known for its song parodies. So I wrote up a little intro to it which came out pretty good, upon re-reading it now. It's a little early in the season, but I couldn't be too precious about my material to PHC and sit on stuff, any stuff, I thought up.

I really like the way the song came out. Tight, scans well and makes all the right movie references with a couple twists here and there.

It didn't get picked but you can hum along now with:

It's the Most Wonderful Life

Barely Home Companion - Debbie’s Free-Range Accidentally Killed Turkey Farm (Nov. '05)

11/22/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

There was quite a break from Halloween to Thanksgiving. I've tried to get this sketch on it's feet so many times I can't remember whether I pulled it out of the file for this or if I wrote it for here and tried to resubmit afterward. I even re-worked it a bit to be a Christmas holiday sketch and even slipped it into a rom-com I wrote. It's basically a silly bit, but also kind of dark. It seems like it belongs with one of my Gravy Hut or Anchor Store skits, but it plays very different.

It got a pass on multiple fronts, so we'll just present it here:

Debbie’s Free-Range Accidentally Killed Turkey Farm

Barely Home Companion - Get Out the Vote (Nov. '05)

11/1/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Election time was coming up and I went to my go-to premise, election ads. This was back when election ads had started to lose touch with reality. Negative ads were all the rage, pun intended. And national politics was now washing over all elections at any level. No matter the level of office, everyone had to hop on the coattails of whomever was in the White House. Is was not always the logical way to run a campaign. PHC didn't go for it. I'd written running gags for them in the past and they never made it on, so I'm sure that was a strike against me. But I tried it again anyway.

Getting out the vote in 4 parts:

Barely Home Companion - Halloween Haunting (Oct '05)

10/25/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

As Haloween approached, I was looking to create holiday-themed sketches. Sometimes Keillor would paint these aural landscapes, beyond his Lake Woebegon monologues, where the entire company would get involved. I maybe got too elaborate with these, thinking the cast could easily populate epic sketch. They rarely did "epic" sketches.

I basically gathered up all my monster puns and half-baked monster ideas and a few Bugs Bunny jokes and strung them together with GK acting as our guide through a haunted house. I also threw in a couple of topic jokes, like a GOP official outing a CIA agent in the press.

In the end, I combined this with a similar radio sketch I did the year before to create a version of the bit that was produced over at Headfone.com, part of my Spooky Time Theater program.

Halloween Haunting

Barely Home Companion - Candy Corn Council (Oct '05)

10/18/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

As autumn approaches, my mind goes all Halloweeny. It's a favorite holiday of mine (as many of my posts attest to). No one I know actually likes candy corn. In fact, many people I know actively despise it. Personally, I don't mind it, but it's not chocolate, so that's a big strike against it. But it's part of the season. And like so many other products, I'm sure the candy corn companies are trying to expand their markets.

I borrowed one of PHC's favorite tropes and created the Candy Corn Council that has some plans for that. I've used candy corn puns in my work in Cracked and The Staten Island Advance, so the concept for this bit was always bumping around in my head. Marrying it to a PHC council seemed like a natural thing to do. And I liked trying to make additional uses for candy corn kinda sound practical (British tea time?). Also the fact of the ridiculousness of advertising candy corn as "fat-free" (which I've seen) makes it a perfect target.

I forget how the Christo gag came about, but I think the sketch was built around it, from wherever it developed. I like it. Christo had some of his draping cloth exhibits in the news around this time, but it probably doesn't make as much sense now, but google Christo to understand the fat joke.

Candy Corn Council

Barely Home Companion - A Beautiful Friendship (Oct '05)

10/11/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This was a hail Mary pass. I had nothing new. So I went to my slush pile and pulled out one of my bits. It's a longer sketch, practically a one-act play. But I was always fond of it. It was an early piece of mine, tapping into a bittersweetness my work usually avoided. In fact, one time I took this piece and used it for an anchor on a "play" I decided to write. It was a play about a live TV sketch show, and I showed the evolution of the writer by starting with him presenting the first draft of this sketch as a very slap-stick, broad sketch. And by the end, the piece becomes this more melancholy comedic lament (years before "Shakespeare in Love, in case you were wondering).

It was a little tricky turning it into an audio-only piece, especially when so much of the awkwardness in the beginning is visual. As a stage piece, it was always going to be just two people. In my mind, they were alone in the theater, even thought it makes no sense for her to need to sit right beside them. But that's how it had to play. There was no one else there, just them lost in the movie. I guess that makes it metaphoric. I've gotten into the habit of submitting my sketch pieces to theater groups looking for "short plays." And I need to start sending this one out. If anyone remembers what a revival house is. Or a B&W movie.

Anyway, PHC passed on the piece. Enjoy:

A Beautiful Friendship

Barely Home Companion - Bush’s Home Aid (Sept '05)

10/9/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This is one of increasingly rare weeks I submitted 2 sketches in one week. But, it was the middle of hurricane season and the south had suffered through Hurricane Katrina and the Bush administration's mishandling of that in August. Also big that year? Home improvement shows on TV. So, why not combine them?

I knew the bit had little chance of making the cut, being based on TV shows, but I thought it was a valid idea. I was able to use the idea a few months later for a Weekly World News article I wrote, which will be part of a whole 'nother posts I'm writing up.

Bush’s Home Aid

Barely Home Companion - Hurricane Watch (Sept '05)

10/4/2024

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

It's hurricane season, but years ago hurricane's were rarely as horrible as they are today. But a news tradition existed that some poor reporter was going to be stationed right smack in the middle of what ever natural disaster was looming. I decided to take on that tradition and simply exaggerate it to its logical conclusion, rabid chickens. I had forgotten about this bit, but (despite current events), it's pretty funny. Did GK object to the idea of NPR having a weather desk? Who knows. But they passed on it.

Hurricane Watch

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