From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This is a heavily recycled bit. I had come up with a couple of sketches and pitched them as a series of black-outs for an ABC comedy pilot called "Where's the Party," a sketch-comedy-music-talk show. I honestly don't remember how the idea came about, but there were a series of sketches about a news team that was so desperate to be the first on the air that they caused the problems. It got produced in 1991. The bits got scaled back a bit (as you'll see in the video below) for budget reasons. But the radio version went all out again, as originally written. So I pulled them out and submitted it to PHC. They didn't go for it. Years later (I think 2010) I submitted to the All Star production Network and they did do two of the full sketches. I'm including them below, as well. So, again, first rule of comedy writing, Never Throw Anything Out.
NPR News
(GK, Linda Wertheimer, John Knotwright, Dave Katrall)
GK: I'm just getting word there's a late breaking story, so let's go to the news desk...
(THROBBING ELECTRONIC NEWS THEME)
TR: NPR News: First on the scene with a special report.
SS: This is Linda Wertheimer, NPR News, home of the NPR Newscopter, getting you to the story first. we're just getting word from our reporter, John Knotwright in the exclusive NPR Newscopter, first on the scene.
TR: Thank you, Linda. This is John Knotwright, here, in the NPR newscopter, live, first on the scene of this breaking story. There is a house on fire. We're now right above the home, there seem to be some people on the ground, running around, waving their arms.
SS: Can you tell us what started the fire?
TR: No, I can not.
SS: No idea how it started?
TR: 'Fraid not. We just got here so it's impossible to say.
SS: Has anyone been hurt?
TR: I'm way up here in the NPR newscopter, so it's kinda hard to tell.
SS: Has the fire department gotten the fire under control yet?
TR: Actually, the fire department isn't here yet. We got here very fast. Maybe you should call them?
SS: Where are you exactly?
TR: Again, up here, it's really hard to see the street signs. But there's a Tasty Freeze on the corner.
SS: But you don't know which one?
TR: Sorry, no.
SS: Oh, wait, one moment, I'm getting word in from Dave Katrall in the NPR newsvan. Dave, come in.
DK: Yes, Sue, This is Dave Katrall, with an exclusive, live report from the NPR news van. I'm at the scene of a raging house fire here on Maple. There is a lot of confusion, especially with a strange helicopter hovering overhead.
SS: A strange helicopter?
DK: Yes, it keeps hovering over the house and the Tasty Freeze on the corner.
SS: Tasty Freeze? John Knotwright, are you there?
TR: Yes, I'm still here, Linda.
SS: Can you wave out the door of the helicopter, John?
TR: You bet, Linda.
SS: Dave, what is the helicopter doing now?
DK: Why, he's waving at us, Linda. I'm going to attempt to wave back.
TR: Hey, someone's waving back. I can't tell who it is, though, since we're way up in the sky. Wait, I have another update, Linda.
SS: What is it, John?
TR: The Fire department has arrived! But there appears to be some sort of vehicle blocking the road, a van of some kind. The fire trucks are unable to get to the burning house because of this van. Yes, the firefighters are getting out of the rig now and approaching a man standing by the van--
SS: Dave, Dave, are you there?
(SIRENS, HORNS)
DK: Look, I'm not moving anywhere! We were here first! We're the NPR Newsvan!
SS: Dave, move the van.
TR: There's a man down there with a microphone now beating the fireman with his mike. Wow, I'm sure glad we're here to see this!
SS: That's all from NPR News. We return to our regular programing already in progress.
end
GK: I'm just getting word there's a late breaking story, so let's go to the news desk...
(THROBBING ELECTRONIC NEWS THEME)
TR: NPR News: First on the scene with a special report.
SS: This is Linda Wertheimer, NPR News, home of the NPR Newscopter, getting you to the story first. we're just getting word from our reporter, John Knotwright in the exclusive NPR Newscopter, first on the scene.
TR: Thank you, Linda. This is John Knotwright, here, in the NPR newscopter, live, first on the scene of this breaking story. There is a house on fire. We're now right above the home, there seem to be some people on the ground, running around, waving their arms.
SS: Can you tell us what started the fire?
TR: No, I can not.
SS: No idea how it started?
TR: 'Fraid not. We just got here so it's impossible to say.
SS: Has anyone been hurt?
TR: I'm way up here in the NPR newscopter, so it's kinda hard to tell.
SS: Has the fire department gotten the fire under control yet?
TR: Actually, the fire department isn't here yet. We got here very fast. Maybe you should call them?
SS: Where are you exactly?
TR: Again, up here, it's really hard to see the street signs. But there's a Tasty Freeze on the corner.
SS: But you don't know which one?
TR: Sorry, no.
SS: Oh, wait, one moment, I'm getting word in from Dave Katrall in the NPR newsvan. Dave, come in.
DK: Yes, Sue, This is Dave Katrall, with an exclusive, live report from the NPR news van. I'm at the scene of a raging house fire here on Maple. There is a lot of confusion, especially with a strange helicopter hovering overhead.
SS: A strange helicopter?
DK: Yes, it keeps hovering over the house and the Tasty Freeze on the corner.
SS: Tasty Freeze? John Knotwright, are you there?
TR: Yes, I'm still here, Linda.
SS: Can you wave out the door of the helicopter, John?
TR: You bet, Linda.
SS: Dave, what is the helicopter doing now?
DK: Why, he's waving at us, Linda. I'm going to attempt to wave back.
TR: Hey, someone's waving back. I can't tell who it is, though, since we're way up in the sky. Wait, I have another update, Linda.
SS: What is it, John?
TR: The Fire department has arrived! But there appears to be some sort of vehicle blocking the road, a van of some kind. The fire trucks are unable to get to the burning house because of this van. Yes, the firefighters are getting out of the rig now and approaching a man standing by the van--
SS: Dave, Dave, are you there?
(SIRENS, HORNS)
DK: Look, I'm not moving anywhere! We were here first! We're the NPR Newsvan!
SS: Dave, move the van.
TR: There's a man down there with a microphone now beating the fireman with his mike. Wow, I'm sure glad we're here to see this!
SS: That's all from NPR News. We return to our regular programing already in progress.
end
