From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
PHC was winding down for the 2001-02 season with their big Season Finale. I always would try to put something together that was bigger and broader to make a year-end splash. The show announced it would begin live-streaming the show on the internet and that triggered this idea, a sketch about radio sight gags.
It's something I've alluded to before, with things like "radio magicians" and such but the idea of online video made this a skit that had to be submitted. I checked my journals from this time and I was pretty distraught, trying to finish up a screenplay, trying to get a paying gig as I watched Cracked magazine start to implode. The day job was a nightmare and the family kept me busy. I noted in my notebook how I had an idea, then forgot it, then remembered it as I was writing I forgot it. I was upbeat about the idea and thought it was funny and how I had to add a mime to the end to punch it up. Again, a brief bit of silliness and sound effects that I would have bet PHC would love! I would have lost that bet. The show aired for the last time that season without me. And again, a very specific sketch that couldn't be submitted elsewhere
It's something I've alluded to before, with things like "radio magicians" and such but the idea of online video made this a skit that had to be submitted. I checked my journals from this time and I was pretty distraught, trying to finish up a screenplay, trying to get a paying gig as I watched Cracked magazine start to implode. The day job was a nightmare and the family kept me busy. I noted in my notebook how I had an idea, then forgot it, then remembered it as I was writing I forgot it. I was upbeat about the idea and thought it was funny and how I had to add a mime to the end to punch it up. Again, a brief bit of silliness and sound effects that I would have bet PHC would love! I would have lost that bet. The show aired for the last time that season without me. And again, a very specific sketch that couldn't be submitted elsewhere
Radio Sight Gags
(GK, TK, TR, SS, AS)
GK: We're very excited here this week. For the first time ever we have streaming video of our show going out over the internet. By simply logging onto our website www.prairiehome.org, you can see us doing the show. This is the way radio was meant to be seen. Of course, there is a down side; we'll no longer be able to do the show in our pajamas and underwear which has been our want for so many years. But these are the sacrifices you make for progress.
And to initiate our new technology, we've put together some wonderful gags, our very first sight gags. We're very excited. For instance...there's Tom Keith walking up the stairs....
(footsteps)
GK: Oh, oh, I bet he doesn't see that banana peel at the top of the step...he'd better be careful or he might slip on it.
TK: Whoops!
(slide whistle, up quickly)
GK: Too late. And now he's going to fall back down the stairs! Mercy!
(crashing, thumping)
GK: Have a nice trip? See ya next fall. Oh, here comes Tim Russell, and he's carrying a ladder across the stage. Hi, Tim.
TM: Hi, Garrison. I'm just moving this ladder here.
(footsteps, whistling)
GK: It seems to be a very long ladder. Very long.
(footsteps continue)
GK: That's a very long ladder. Wait, here comes the end! I don't believe it! Tim's at the other end of the ladder, carrying it!
TM: Hi again!
GK: I like this. Couldn't do this without the internet. Amazing technology. Here comes Susan...why do you have that long wooden plank?
SS: Didn't you ask for it?
GK: Here comes Tim and Tom, each standing on one side of Susan. Perhaps they know why you have the board.
SS: Where's Tim?
GK: Right behind you. Now Susan is turning clockwise, oh my!
(bang)
GK: --and has hit Tom in the back of the head with the plank!
TK: Ouch!
SS: Tom, is that you?
GK: Now Susan is turning back counter-clockwise and...
(bang)
TR: Ow!
GK: Now she's hit Tim right in the kisser! Tim doesn't look too happy about that, as you can no doubt see on our streaming video. That must be why he pulled out that seltzer bottle! And now he's squirting Susan!
(squirting)
SS: Hey!
GK: Not to be outdone, Susan has pulled out a cream pie and is throwing it! Whoops! Tim has ducked...
(splat! piano discord.)
GK: and the pie hit Andy Stein right in the face!
(rim shot)
GK: Also, we'll have a new player joining us, Willard the radio mime. Here he comes now...
(wind sound)
GK: Oh, look, he's walking against the wind. Oh-oh.
(thud)
GK: Turns out there's a wall in his way now...
(tapping sounds)
GK: ..He's feeling around. Why, it's not a wall at all, but a box! He's in a box and can't get out! Now what? He's pushing a button...
(slide whistle slowly down)
GK: He's slowing squatting...it's an invisible elevator going down! Classic. And end scene. Thank you. A round of applause for the Prairie Home Sight Gag Players. A new era has arrived; radio you can watch. It's the coming thing.
end
GK: We're very excited here this week. For the first time ever we have streaming video of our show going out over the internet. By simply logging onto our website www.prairiehome.org, you can see us doing the show. This is the way radio was meant to be seen. Of course, there is a down side; we'll no longer be able to do the show in our pajamas and underwear which has been our want for so many years. But these are the sacrifices you make for progress.
And to initiate our new technology, we've put together some wonderful gags, our very first sight gags. We're very excited. For instance...there's Tom Keith walking up the stairs....
(footsteps)
GK: Oh, oh, I bet he doesn't see that banana peel at the top of the step...he'd better be careful or he might slip on it.
TK: Whoops!
(slide whistle, up quickly)
GK: Too late. And now he's going to fall back down the stairs! Mercy!
(crashing, thumping)
GK: Have a nice trip? See ya next fall. Oh, here comes Tim Russell, and he's carrying a ladder across the stage. Hi, Tim.
TM: Hi, Garrison. I'm just moving this ladder here.
(footsteps, whistling)
GK: It seems to be a very long ladder. Very long.
(footsteps continue)
GK: That's a very long ladder. Wait, here comes the end! I don't believe it! Tim's at the other end of the ladder, carrying it!
TM: Hi again!
GK: I like this. Couldn't do this without the internet. Amazing technology. Here comes Susan...why do you have that long wooden plank?
SS: Didn't you ask for it?
GK: Here comes Tim and Tom, each standing on one side of Susan. Perhaps they know why you have the board.
SS: Where's Tim?
GK: Right behind you. Now Susan is turning clockwise, oh my!
(bang)
GK: --and has hit Tom in the back of the head with the plank!
TK: Ouch!
SS: Tom, is that you?
GK: Now Susan is turning back counter-clockwise and...
(bang)
TR: Ow!
GK: Now she's hit Tim right in the kisser! Tim doesn't look too happy about that, as you can no doubt see on our streaming video. That must be why he pulled out that seltzer bottle! And now he's squirting Susan!
(squirting)
SS: Hey!
GK: Not to be outdone, Susan has pulled out a cream pie and is throwing it! Whoops! Tim has ducked...
(splat! piano discord.)
GK: and the pie hit Andy Stein right in the face!
(rim shot)
GK: Also, we'll have a new player joining us, Willard the radio mime. Here he comes now...
(wind sound)
GK: Oh, look, he's walking against the wind. Oh-oh.
(thud)
GK: Turns out there's a wall in his way now...
(tapping sounds)
GK: ..He's feeling around. Why, it's not a wall at all, but a box! He's in a box and can't get out! Now what? He's pushing a button...
(slide whistle slowly down)
GK: He's slowing squatting...it's an invisible elevator going down! Classic. And end scene. Thank you. A round of applause for the Prairie Home Sight Gag Players. A new era has arrived; radio you can watch. It's the coming thing.
end
