From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This is one of those PHC rejected scripts that found a hope eventually. A goofy idea I had for a commercial parody that I put together. PHC passed, but I held on to it to submit to other venues and it finally got picked by All-Star Radio comedy. I've posted the audio below the script.
Coma Spa
GK: Tonight's show is brought to you by the folks at Coma Spa.
SS: Wow, Jim, you look great. I thought you were a high level executive who was stressed out all the time.
TR: I am.
SS: Then how do you look so calm and relaxed?
TR: When the tension of the job gets to me, when the daily grind wears me down, when I feel I'm about to get a automatic weapon and start cleaning house, when I need to put my brain on hold, I book a trip to Coma Spa.
SS: Coma Spa?
TR: It's the latest in pressure-releasing getaways. I check in and within minutes, their medical-like staff puts me in a coma for a couple of days.
SS: A coma? What? Like a vegetative state?
TR: You may call it a vegetative state, but I call it a vacation for my brain.
SS: Sounds a bit extreme.
TR: You're talking about a guy who rode his in-line skates down Pike's Pike. Who went bungie jumping from a the Space Needle. I've purchased both ImClone and Martha Stewart stock. What's a guy like me going to do to relax; have a seaweed wrap? Sit in warm mud for an hour? I'm a coma waiting to happen.
SS: That's what everybody says.
TR: Damn straight. And when I'm revived, I'm like a new man.
SS: Sounds great.
AN: Coma Spa, a great way to escape the worries and tensions of your life. If you want a deep coma or just need to be catatonic for a few hours, our medically-familiar staff can accommodate your needs. And nine times out of ten, you'll be back on your feet in no time.
SS: Sounds like I'm going to Coma Spa.
GK: Coma Spas, when you need to rest your brain for awhile.
end
SS: Wow, Jim, you look great. I thought you were a high level executive who was stressed out all the time.
TR: I am.
SS: Then how do you look so calm and relaxed?
TR: When the tension of the job gets to me, when the daily grind wears me down, when I feel I'm about to get a automatic weapon and start cleaning house, when I need to put my brain on hold, I book a trip to Coma Spa.
SS: Coma Spa?
TR: It's the latest in pressure-releasing getaways. I check in and within minutes, their medical-like staff puts me in a coma for a couple of days.
SS: A coma? What? Like a vegetative state?
TR: You may call it a vegetative state, but I call it a vacation for my brain.
SS: Sounds a bit extreme.
TR: You're talking about a guy who rode his in-line skates down Pike's Pike. Who went bungie jumping from a the Space Needle. I've purchased both ImClone and Martha Stewart stock. What's a guy like me going to do to relax; have a seaweed wrap? Sit in warm mud for an hour? I'm a coma waiting to happen.
SS: That's what everybody says.
TR: Damn straight. And when I'm revived, I'm like a new man.
SS: Sounds great.
AN: Coma Spa, a great way to escape the worries and tensions of your life. If you want a deep coma or just need to be catatonic for a few hours, our medically-familiar staff can accommodate your needs. And nine times out of ten, you'll be back on your feet in no time.
SS: Sounds like I'm going to Coma Spa.
GK: Coma Spas, when you need to rest your brain for awhile.
end
