Category: - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Barely Home Companion: Take Two (01/01)

1/17/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

This is one of those Barely Home Companion tales that has a happier ending. Since I never throw anything out, a few years after this got rejected by PHC, I submitted it to another radio content producer and they produced it! It's a straight-forward comedy sketch. In no way did I even attempt to tie it into the PHC format or regulars. It was just a funny audio bit. It's another one of those thing where I don't remember how or where it came from. After the script, I'm including the audio from the version that did get made.

Take Two

Barely Home Companion - Bush State o'Union Address 2004

1/13/2020

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Back in 2004 there wasn't a heck of a lot of post-State Of The Union follow-up comedy. But that year Bush took a moment to speak out against steroid use in baseball, and while it is a valid concern, many wondered why it came up in a SOTU address. But that remark was the inspiration for a sketch: other things the President didn't get to bring up or fully explain. The bit went well and was surprisingly true to the script I submitted. Yet, there was no credit for me, on air or on the website. I noticed that there's no credit for Keillor online either.

This is a bitter sweet sketch for me, it's the last sketch of mine that they used. I actually continued to submit to the show for the remainder of the 2003-2004 season, and the next two beyond--I was even sending material well into 2007, and occasionally after that--but none of it was acknowledged. I was not really fired, no one asked me to go away, I just petered out. I just wasn't making the cut and after a while of that I just stopped sending things in. It was sad and frustrating but unsurprising based on all my previous experience there.

Writing is a solitary profession. I always dreamed of joining that comedy room or being part of a team. I wanted to belong to something that I wanted to belong to. Style Without Substance, the WGAE, the Plague, PHC, workshops, but something always eluded me. Sometimes they ended and it felt like I was dropped to the curb. Mostly it involves my lack of social skills, I'm civil, personable but I'm an introvert and can't exist outside my comfort zone for long. When my excuse for being with people ends, I am incapable of maintaining that relationship. It's happened with classmates, committee members and co-writers. I just retreat to my hidey-hole and look for the next place to mail by submissions out to.

Years ago, I was once talking with my friend; we were both writing and we both had day jobs. I hadn't really told anyone at work about what I did on the side and I asked him if he had. He promptly said no. And it was never something he considered. To him, "writer" was his secret identity and his super power. Sometimes I forget that. I'm a writer. Yes, there's the day job and the family and the chores and the kids, but the core issue remains; I'm a writer. And the fact is, working on this blog has reminded me of that. It's not a stellar career but it it mind.

Anyway, on Jan. 24, 2004, PHC presented my State o'Union sketch (with my original script posted below).

Bush State o'Union Address 2004

Barely Home Companion - 9/11/01 Guys Patriotic Shoes

9/11/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

After the horrific terror attacks of 9/11/01, the entertainment industry kinda shut down. There was too much to process and too many to mourn to allow ourselves to simply slip back into day-to-day life. But, even in the darkest tragedies, people get antsy for something more. Our basic needs still exist, to eat, to drink, to be among others. And social interaction leads to other things; the need to enjoy. The need to laugh.

In so many ways, all eyes were on New York City. Not just for what had happened, but for what we were. NYC is one of the broadcast centers of the nation. And, slowly, the media began to shake off the darkness. We all know how Letterman, John Steward, SNL and even Howard Stern started up their shows-both trying to acknowledge the change while conceding that some things, like the need to laugh, never change.

I had a small part in all this. Half way across the country, PHC had been on its hiatus with reruns for the summer. Their season opener was set for 10/6/01. Not for nothing, but by that time, my day job had been back up and running in Lower Manhattan for weeks. We were pressing forward, step by step, with the ashes and smoke still drifting out of Ground Zero. Work pushed us forward. But, try writing comedy.

The one thing the show had going for it was that over the summer Keillor had undergone heart surgery. He opened with that (which also was written by me). Then he went into one of his Wobegon monologues (which was usually done toward the end). He was going to get back into their routine as quickly as possible.

Anyway, it was time to write something to submit. The heart surgery was a quick bit I had done weeks earlier after I first read the news. But something new? That was proving tricky. One thing that was kind of annoying to me at this time was the sudden rush of patriotic commercials that were hitting the air. Everyone was trying to acknowledge the tragedy while still selling their wares. And some of the connections were really weak. So, that's how I decided to handle it...

Acme Floor Covering

Sketchy Tales: Buy-agra

7/17/2019

It's a Prairie Home Companion sketch story with a happy ending. I wrote up this piece back in December of 2000 and they passed on it. Too heavy on the double-entendres? Maybe. But I kept it handy afterward.

By December of 2004, I had started freelancing for American Comedy Network, which produced comedy pieces which were then syndicated to radio stations all over the country that subscribed to their service.

Much of the more generic, less topical material that I created for PHC got routed over to ACN (in addition to new stuff). I had a pretty good success rate with them. Coming up on Christmas, Buy-agra was a perfect shopping season sketch that could play off-season as well. Malls were still a thing back then, you have to realize and Black Fridays were the Hunger Games of retail. So, here's the PHC version followed by the ACN production, with a shout out to my old pharmaceutical company, Ulti-med.

Buy-agra

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Soul Patrol

3/3/2019

Well, the new season kicks off tonight, just I post the last of the old season. I tried to avoid doubling up on singers getting attacked in the ads, but poor Taylor Hicks got hit twice, but the two topics were too rich not to go after, especially when you've kinda milked the premise and ran out of terrible things to say about people who looked pretty nice (except Pickler. We all knew). Anyway, this was the final in the AI Negative Ad campaign series...

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Mandisa

3/2/2019

Wow, this many posts in a week you'd think I'd have something to say! As we approach the start of AI '19, I wanted to show off and bring out my old ACN sketches written back in 2008. ACN had great production values and they were churning out this material constantly. They were always open to new ideas and playing around within the format. I was thrilled that I had come upon a new way to satirize a show without too much overhead; a few bars of the theme, an announcer talks and, boom, you're done. Wish I had some kind of trademark on the thing...

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Paris

3/1/2019

Sure, in March 2008, negative political ads were around long enough to be a comedy troupe, but then, the negativity was pretty much confined to the ad. People didn't feel the need to take it on the road. YET. Of course, applying that level of vitriol to a singing competition is so off-kilter that it made perfect comedy sense. I was very happy the way these things out. There was a good amount of re-writing on a couple of them, but once the template was set, I didn't feel as bad about the changes.

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Bucky

2/28/2019

Holy Dunkleman! Sometimes it's hard to come up with a decent sketch idea. People mock SNL or Mad-TV for relying on repeating characters and routines, but sometimes that's all you got. I was lucky American Comedy Network (RIP) let me run with these things. So, from the 2008 season of Idol, we proudly post:

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Kelly

2/27/2019

When they cancelled American Idol, who'da thought I'd ever get to pull out these old bits again. Sure, sure, they are very much of the cast of the March 2008 season, but I think they are silly enough to avoid aging, now that the show is back on the air. The biggest problem to these bits was deciding which singer was going to go negative on which other singer. I wasn't following the show that closely, so many of my first drafts were vague, but the guys at ACN, who produced and distributed the sketches filled in a lot of blanks...

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Ace

2/25/2019

Like 10 years ago, there was this big hit TV show that was all the rage. It was called "American Idol." It was a singing competition. I wonder what happened to it. Oh, right, it got rebooted last year and is on ABC now. Well, as the newest season approaches, I wanted to pull out some radio bits I wrote 10 years ago.

One of the great running gags I came up with for American Comedy Network was taking the negative political ads and applying it to other venues. I think it was the Iraqi elections that were held after our invasion that I did first, applying typical GOP dirty trick-style ads for an election that had nothing like that going on. Then it was the election for the Pope in 2005. Then Miss America and so on.

The radio producers at American Comedy Network saw the logic and repeat-ability of the premise and did a couple without my involvement. That hurt. Again, the life of a freelancer, nobody ever comes back to your and says, "Hey how about doing one of these for the Oscar campaigns or "Dancing with the Stars" voting? They would just do it. But, it was some acknowledgement that I had created a viable radio comedy format that just wasn't a straight up parody of the show itself.

Anyway, one of the biggest batches of material I did was these American Idol parodies. I wrote a slew of them. Some of them were re-worked by people who had been following the show more closely than I, but all in all, it was a nice healthy run for myself.

Here we attempt to swiftboat Ace back in 2/2008

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