Category: - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Sketchy Tales: Buy-agra

7/17/2019

It's a Prairie Home Campanion sketch story with a happy ending. I wrote up this piece back in December of 2000 and they passed on it. Too heavy on the double-entendres? Maybe. But I kept it handy afterward.

By December of 2004, I had started freelancing for American Comedy Network, which produced comedy pieces which were then syndicated to radio stations all over the country that subscribed to their service.

Much of the more generic, less topical material that I created for PHC got routed over to ACN (in addition to new stuff). I had a pretty good success rate with them. Coming up on Christmas, Buy-agra was a perfect shopping season sketch that could play off-season as well. Malls were still a thing back then, you have to realize and Black Fridays were the Hunger Games of retail. So, here's the PHC version followed by the ACN production, with a shout out to my old pharmaceutical company, Ulti-med.

Buy-agra

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Soul Patrol

3/3/2019

Well, the new season kicks off tonight, just I post the last of the old season. I tried to avoid doubling up on singers getting attacked in the ads, but poor Taylor Hicks got hit twice, but the two topics were too rich not to go after, especially when you've kinda milked the premise and ran out of terrible things to say about people who looked pretty nice (except Pickler. We all knew). Anyway, this was the final in the AI Negative Ad campaign series...

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Mandisa

3/2/2019

Wow, this many posts in a week you'd think I'd have something to say! As we approach the start of AI '19, I wanted to show off and bring out my old ACN sketches written back in 2008. ACN had great production values and they were churning out this material constantly. They were always open to new ideas and playing around within the format. I was thrilled that I had come upon a new way to satirize a show without too much overhead; a few bars of the theme, an announcer talks and, boom, you're done. Wish I had some kind of trademark on the thing...

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Paris

3/1/2019

Sure, in March 2008, negative political ads were around long enough to be a comedy troupe, but then, the negativity was pretty much confined to the ad. People didn't feel the need to take it on the road. YET. Of course, applying that level of vitriol to a singing competition is so off-kilter that it made perfect comedy sense. I was very happy the way these things out. There was a good amount of re-writing on a couple of them, but once the template was set, I didn't feel as bad about the changes.

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Bucky

2/28/2019

Holy Dunkleman! Sometimes it's hard to come up with a decent sketch idea. People mock SNL or Mad-TV for relying on repeating characters and routines, but sometimes that's all you got. I was lucky American Comedy Network (RIP) let me run with these things. So, from the 2008 season of Idol, we proudly post:

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Kelly

2/27/2019

When they cancelled American Idol, who'da thought I'd ever get to pull out these old bits again. Sure, sure, they are very much of the cast of the March 2008 season, but I think they are silly enough to avoid aging, now that the show is back on the air. The biggest problem to these bits was deciding which singer was going to go negative on which other singer. I wasn't following the show that closely, so many of my first drafts were vague, but the guys at ACN, who produced and distributed the sketches filled in a lot of blanks...

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition - Ace

2/25/2019

Like 10 years ago, there was this big hit TV show that was all the rage. It was called "American Idol." It was a singing competition. I wonder what happened to it. Oh, right, it got rebooted last year and is on ABC now. Well, as the newest season approaches, I wanted to pull out some radio bits I wrote 10 years ago.

One of the great running gags I came up with for American Comedy Network was taking the negative political ads and applying it to other venues. I think it was the Iraqi elections that were held after our invasion that I did first, applying typical GOP dirty trick-style ads for an election that had nothing like that going on. Then it was the election for the Pope in 2005. Then Miss America and so on.

The radio producers at American Comedy Network saw the logic and repeat-ability of the premise and did a couple without my involvement. That hurt. Again, the life of a freelancer, nobody ever comes back to your and says, "Hey how about doing one of these for the Oscar campaigns or "Dancing with the Stars" voting? They would just do it. But, it was some acknowledgement that I had created a viable radio comedy format that just wasn't a straight up parody of the show itself.

Anyway, one of the biggest batches of material I did was these American Idol parodies. I wrote a slew of them. Some of them were re-worked by people who had been following the show more closely than I, but all in all, it was a nice healthy run for myself.

Here we attempt to swiftboat Ace back in 2/2008

Sketchy Tales: American Idol Edition -Taylor Hicks

2/25/2019

Back in March 2008, I was hitching my comedy wagon to the American Idol juggernaut. I was able to marry my idea of bad political ads with the AI voting. The idea was pretty good, what if the contestants could run ads to get votes instead of just doing Ford commercials? I thought it would go something like this:

Barely Home Companion - Guy Noir, North Dakota 12/8/01

1/28/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Here's another example of me coming up with a funny idea or bit and gets pulled out of what I submitted and winds up in another thing.

Another road show. PHC was broadcasting from Grand Forks, North Dakota. Which means they would need some site-specific material. So, I whipped up a couple of items and sent them in. One was taken from current events. There was a campaign back in 2001 about North Dakota changing it's name. The Chamber of Commerce thought the name brought up connotations of "Arctic" and "cold" and "freezing," "desolate," "tundra," etc. Weird, right? Therefore, my first skit was about the re-naming of the state. That material wound up in Garrison Keillor's Guy Noir sketch, one of his best known recurring characters. As for credits, there was no on-air credits, just the usual fake/punny writer names. Online, however, the sketch is marked as such:

© Garrison Keillor, Dan Fiorella 2001

Like I said, it's just tough to get a handle on what he's doing out there. I mean, full co-writer credit online? Cool. But, really, considering how little of the actual sketch was used (see below) and how long the sketch was, it seems generous.

But on December 8, 2001 PHC preformed Guy Noir going to North Dakota.

I'm attaching the material that I submitted to them below the break...

Barely Home Companion - Who Wants to Marry a Sound Effects Guy?

1/24/2019

From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...

Okay, so here's the deal. While messing around on my computer, I stumbled across some of my older Prairie Home sketches! There's a few unused skits prior to December 1999 and I found the sketches from the year 2000 of the 1999-2000 season. Go figure.

One of the bits I found was a rejected skit I submitted in April 2000. As you are aware, PHC was first and foremost a radio show, a theater of the mind. And the cast and crew played mightily in that arena. Garrison Keillor would do entire sketches just about sound effects to give their sound effects guy, the late, great Tom Keith, a chance to shine. They were quite whimsical and silly. I found myself drawn to them and would write several of them, none of which made it to air.

Around this time, the big TV show was "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire" and there were weird game show rip-offs like "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire." That was my inspiration. I remember emailing the producer to ask if Tom Keith was married, because the ending tag kinda revolved on that fact, his wife demanding to know what was going on. I was told Keith wasn't married and dropped that part. Since the show was broadcasting from Town Hall in New York City, I gave it a New York flavor---which explains the Trump reference. As happy as I was with the piece, the fact is, I violated the first rule of writing for Keillor; I based the skit on pop culture, a TV show. He wouldn't get it.

As my motto is "Never throw anything out," I held on to those radio bits. Many years later, the Writers Guild of America, East, began a program to try and get radio dramas back on the air. They cut a deal with the local radio station, WNYC, and produced a number of episodes of a show called "Anything Goes." I pulled out and submitted some of my radio-intensive sketches rejected from PHC and a couple of them were produced for this new show during the summer of 2005.

I wasn't thrilled with the results. There's no sense of fun, the comic timing is off and there's no studio audience, so it's a bit ponderous as opposed to absurd. Oh, well. We'll file this under "What might have been." But I recorded it and I'm posting it here.

I've included the original script from the PHC version beneath.

WHO WANTS TO MARRY A SOUND EFFECTS GUY?

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