| # | Raining and forgot your umbrella? Simply tie a clear plastic bag over your head! Go after that dream NOW. The quicker it fails miserably, the quicker you can get it out of your system. Never judge someone until you've walked in their shoes. Then you can judge them and you have a new pair of shoes. |
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 Sure, we all look to the successful people and their work habits in an attempt to gleam from them some nugget of knowledge that would allow us to mimic their achievements. But are these really the people who we should be emulating? Because as it turns out, some of their habits are pretty filthy. For example:
Bill Gates: Picks nose... I think the problem began when ALL politics became national. Remember when people ran for city council to fix potholes and close the local dump? Now people run for school boards or for dog catcher on an “anti-Washington” platform. People are pestering me for contributions for candidates in other states that I can’t vote for. I think I remember when it started. In NYC, during a mayoral campaign (I think maybe it was Ed Koch’s first run), at a debate, the reporters starting asking the candidates what they thought about the situation in the Mideast. Which would be a great question if you were running for mayor of the Mideast. But none of them were. Plus you had the usual stuff happened, a local guy who did his job really well is prompted to run for national office. And guess what? What made you a great local problem solver has nothing to do with the way they’re running things in DC, so now you’re useless. Which, of course, led to the problem of local guys always running for local office with an eye toward national politics, so now my city councilmen are now more concerned with the situation in the Mideast than with local garbage pick-up. So, thanks National Parties for sucking the local out of local politics so that now I can’t get my pothole fixed or my dump closed.
 "I'm sorry I couldn't make it. It's crazy at work. I'm spinning so many plates in the air right now."
"Really? What line of work are you in?" "I'm a plate spinner."  "That’s a lot of tattoos you have there."
"So? What of it?" "Well, if I had that many cats, everyone would assume I was crazy."  Well, with the success of “Frozen” (The Snow Princess) cementing the success of Disney’s CGI film "Tangled” (Repunzel), the company is certainly going to
think about rebranding their older movies now. So to get them started: Retitle "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" to “Apple” "Cinderella" becomes “Shoe” "Sleeping Beauty" is now “Drowsy” "The Little Mermaid becomes “Wet” "Beauty and the Beast" re-released as “Hairy” "Aladdin" becomes “Sand” "Pocahontas" will be called “Wind” "Mulan" becomes “Drag” and "The Princess and the Frog" will now be known as “Wart”  ...Where an angle shows Bailey’s unlikeable grandson (also named George Bailey) how much better off the world would have been had he never been born... And what? And convinces him to commit suicide at the end?
Hey, it's in English! #LiveTweetingMass
What’s the point of reading from the Old Testament if we got a New Testament? #LiveTweetingMass Scripture reading was the story of Lazarus. First zombie story! #LiveTweetingMass Why does this blood taste like cheap wine? #LiveTweetingMass Homily. Time to check out the bulletin. #LiveTweetingMass All this standing, sitting, kneeling! What's next, spin mass? #LiveTweetingMass Didn't want to shake hands so I just waved a peace sign at everyone. #LiveTweetingMass All these statues, but not one of Stephen Colbert. Wonder if he's aware... #LiveTweetingMass Organ is good and loud, drowning out these tone-deaf people next to me. #LiveTweetingMass Going to eat body and blood. I guess it’s in keeping with the zombie theme. #LiveTweetingMass I like that they have a snack time, but the cookie is really bland. #LiveTweetingMass Apparently, they frown at going back for seconds on the sacramental wine. #LiveTweetingMass Leaving right after communion is like leaving the ball game during the 8th inning to avoid the traffic. #LiveTweetingMass How awkward, everyone is standing around waiting for the priest to leave. #LiveTweetingMass During cold and flu season, it seems they should replace holy water w/Purell. #LiveTweetingMass Find a picture of yourself from 10 years ago. See your hair? The clothes you’re wearing? Your facial hair? Now make that permanent. That’s your tattoo in 10 years.
Sarah Palin writes, "In a reflection of the sad state of affairs in Washington, one mainstream media newspaper even had to acknowledge, 'Who knows, maybe Ashton Kutcher was able to
do something America’s political leadership can’t do, which is to talk honestly to America’s youth about the dignity of work.'" Sure, because Ashton Kutcher is successful at what he does. |
Dan FiorellaFreelance writer, still hacking away. 
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