From the Slushpile...
Sure, we hear about sequels to Avatar, Terminator, Aliens, but what about James Cameron's biggest hit? From the SI Advance, 12/98
You can't keep a good boat down; At a billion dollars and climbing, TITANIC is the biggest movie of all time. And now with the Titaniacs all worked up over the video release and its looming presence as a major Christmas present, do you really think that Hollywood would let a little thing like the death of all the characters and the sinking of the ship stop them from making a sequel? I think not. And I'm more than willing to pitch my ideas for the sequel that must be:
Lame Late Night Horror Shows
Halloween approaches and that means so many cable stations are putting together scary film festivals. Frankly, there just aren't enough good horror films to fill in the schedule, so look for some of these lamer flicks to get to air:
“The Power-Walking Dead”
The country becomes overrun by zombies that walk really fast.
"Frankenstein Meets the Press”
We get the monster’s views on bread and fire...
Horrible Horror Films
We be pluggin'
My video says it all. Or rather, it doesn't.
Halloweenies at Amazon.com
Well, with the big guns tucked away until September, or December, or maybe January, what TV shows are the networks planning to fill the air waves with? Let’s check some out:
“Dr. Drew’s Prehab:” Children are taken and sent off to a facility because they show tendencies of possibly becoming addicts of some kind or other.
“Let’s Fire Mel:” Reality show where a efficiency expert comes into a business office and puts the office workers though a series of tests before ultimately firing some guy named Mel.
“Dating Inferno:” Celebrity chef follows a couple on their first date and curses at them.
“Can I Hit You For a Dollar?:” New game show where the host walks up to people and asks if he can hit them with a bat for cash.
“Holmes Alone:” When Dr. Watson goes on vacation, Sherlock is forced to solve crimes by himself.
“American Cops on Duty, Eh?:” New police show about American cops that they claim wasn’t filmed in Canada because it’s cheaper.
“Tanning With the Stars:” New reality show where celebrities tan with the experts.
“Jersey, Sure?:” A group of kids try to get a summer house at the beach, but aren’t positive where it is.
“Crass Cab:” a person gets into a cab and is offended by non-stop by the cabbie’s uncouth manners. It’s a documentary.
Fairy Tale Spin
With the rise of recent movies like “Snow White and the Huntsman,” Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland,” “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” and “Jack the Giant Slayer,” it seems fairy tales are taking a decidedly militaristic turn. So, what else does Hollywood have in the pipeline:
"Three Little Pigs: Pork Warriors"
"Bo Peep: PETA Avenger"
"Jack Horner: Pie Assault" (catchphrase: “Nobody puts Jack Horner in a Corner!”
“Jack & Jill: A Hill too Far.”
“The Goose with the Golden Egg”
“Little Miss Muffet: Spider Slayer” (tag line: “Something Wicked This Whey Comes.”)
"Goldilocks vs. The Three Bears"
“Dish & Spoon: A-plate-ocalypse Now.”
“Humpy-Dumpty: Shell Shock”
Freelance writer, still hacking away.