From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I had forgotten about this sketch, kinda. It was sequel to another sketch I submitted earlier in the season (The Digital Shortage) which wasn't used. But while I was looking something else up in my journal, I actually mentioned this sketch a couple of times before I submitted it. I have vague recollections about being annoyed by the lack of on air credit and recognition I was receiving on the show, and a phrase or two must have popped into my head and I wrote it up as another crisis where there wasn't enough credit to go around. It's not exactly hard hitting but between PHC and other credit problems I was having, I was me venting in a round about way. As a sequel to a sketch they rejected. In the end, they passed, so no credit for me!
CREDIT SHORTAGE
GK: As part of our ever-continuing coverage of the world around us, we have with us now Prof. Doug Materson, who brings with him warnings of a looming consumer crisis. Welcome, Prof Materson.
DM: Good evening.
GK: Well, you've studied many of the various crises we've had in the last decade.
DM: Yes, I am an accredited crisis-ologist.
GK: We have a shortage situation in the making.
DM: Indeed we do.
GK: Similar to recent electric and gasoline shortages.
DM: Exactly similar.
GK: How can something be exactly similar? Isn't it one or the other?
DM: I'm a crisis-ologist, not an English-ologist.
GK: So what is this shortage?
DM: Credit.
GK: Come again?
DM: Credit. We are on the verge of a credit shortage.
GK; Give me a moment here. Allow me to ponder that if you would...no, sorry, I don't understand.
DM: We are entering a time where we will no longer have enough credit to go around.
GK: That seems impossible. How did this happen?
DM: How does it ever happen? Once, sure, we would only give credit where credit was due, However in the last 20 years we've gone on a credit binge. Everyone was taking credit for things. Some were hoarding credit. College credits, TV credits, credit cards, well, there simply isn't enough credit to go around. If you recall, Hollywood almost had to shut down this summer due to the credit crunch. And this all feeds into the rise in poor and bad credit.
GK: This is remarkable. I had no idea, what can we do to alleviate the situation?
DM: It is my belief that we need to begin building nuclear credit plants and generate new credits.
GK: Nuclear credit plants? That seems a tad rash. Aren't there other options?
DM: Like what?
GK: I don't know, perhaps sharing credit, having credit-less Fridays, converting to a system of IOUs and debit cards?
DM: Merely a band-aid on a rapidly growing problem. Going nuclear is the only real solution.
GK: Well, I have to give you credit, that's a unique solution.
DM: It's a very unique solution.
GK: Something can't be very unique. It's simply unique.
DM: Excuse me, Mr. English-ologist.
GK: Prof. Materson and the looming credit shortage. Thank you, Professor---
end
DM: Good evening.
GK: Well, you've studied many of the various crises we've had in the last decade.
DM: Yes, I am an accredited crisis-ologist.
GK: We have a shortage situation in the making.
DM: Indeed we do.
GK: Similar to recent electric and gasoline shortages.
DM: Exactly similar.
GK: How can something be exactly similar? Isn't it one or the other?
DM: I'm a crisis-ologist, not an English-ologist.
GK: So what is this shortage?
DM: Credit.
GK: Come again?
DM: Credit. We are on the verge of a credit shortage.
GK; Give me a moment here. Allow me to ponder that if you would...no, sorry, I don't understand.
DM: We are entering a time where we will no longer have enough credit to go around.
GK: That seems impossible. How did this happen?
DM: How does it ever happen? Once, sure, we would only give credit where credit was due, However in the last 20 years we've gone on a credit binge. Everyone was taking credit for things. Some were hoarding credit. College credits, TV credits, credit cards, well, there simply isn't enough credit to go around. If you recall, Hollywood almost had to shut down this summer due to the credit crunch. And this all feeds into the rise in poor and bad credit.
GK: This is remarkable. I had no idea, what can we do to alleviate the situation?
DM: It is my belief that we need to begin building nuclear credit plants and generate new credits.
GK: Nuclear credit plants? That seems a tad rash. Aren't there other options?
DM: Like what?
GK: I don't know, perhaps sharing credit, having credit-less Fridays, converting to a system of IOUs and debit cards?
DM: Merely a band-aid on a rapidly growing problem. Going nuclear is the only real solution.
GK: Well, I have to give you credit, that's a unique solution.
DM: It's a very unique solution.
GK: Something can't be very unique. It's simply unique.
DM: Excuse me, Mr. English-ologist.
GK: Prof. Materson and the looming credit shortage. Thank you, Professor---
end
