From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I forget what triggered this skit, but I remember liking the idea right away. It was silly, but I thought it made a solid point about conservation and the Bush White House, where drilling was their solution to everything. People forgot, that things were always being referred to as crisis back then, to the point where the White House set up a color-coded chart that would inform us as to exactly how panicked we should be, especially around election time. So much foreshadowing back then to what the GOP was capable of and what it would evolve (devolve) into.
It felt good to get silly again and start ramping up the brain again. But it didn't get picked. So, here we go:
It felt good to get silly again and start ramping up the brain again. But it didn't get picked. So, here we go:
Digital Shortage
GK: We've had more than our share of crisis this year but apparently there is more to come. To help describe a serious problem, we have with us Prof. Doug Masterson. Welcome, professor.
DM: Good evening. it's great to be here. It's a real public service you're providing here. We have to get the word out to the people about this impending crisis.
GK: Now what is this crisis?
DM: We're about to have another shortage situation. And we must act now.
GK: An oil shortage.
DM: No.
GK: A power shortage?
DM: No.
GK: What kind of shortage are we talking about?
DM: The digital shortage.
GK: Digital shortage.
DM: Yes. It's going to be bad.
GK: Perhaps I'm missing something here.
DM: We are running out of digitals. And at a rapidly increasing rate.
GK: How did this happen?
DM: How does it ever happen? Back in the 70s people started wearing digital watches. They were cute and people rushed out to buy them, all willy-nilly. It didn't seem like a major drain on our digital resources. Oh, how wrong we were.
GK: Why is that?
DM: It was just the start. Soon we saw digital alarm clocks, digital calculators---
GK: I remember my first digital calculator. It was a present. It was the size of a toaster oven.
DM: then came the electronic revolution; VCR digital displays, CD players, DVDs...the automobile displays change over to digital, medical equipment. Those little digital pets the kids were so excited over a few years back.
GK: That was like the 90s, right?
DM: Yes and now we're using digital at an alarming rate; coffee makers, microwaves, camcorders, cell phones; all rapidly depleting an already limited supply of digitals.
GK: This is astounding news. I had no idea. What can be done about it.
DM: We're proposing to drill in Alaska for untapped digital deposits.
GK: Drilling.
DM: You bet.
GK: In Alaska.
DM: Absolutely. Vast untouched reservoirs of digitals are there just waiting for us.
GK: Aren't there alternatives...switching to analog, sundials, perhaps?
DM: It's beyond that. Drilling is the only answer.
GK: It just seems that if maybe if we stopped making toasters with clocks it might help, because, frankly, why does toast have to know what time it is?
DM: Stop gap measure at best. Nope, drilling is the way to go.
GK: Well, thank you for visiting us tonight, Professor...
end
DM: Good evening. it's great to be here. It's a real public service you're providing here. We have to get the word out to the people about this impending crisis.
GK: Now what is this crisis?
DM: We're about to have another shortage situation. And we must act now.
GK: An oil shortage.
DM: No.
GK: A power shortage?
DM: No.
GK: What kind of shortage are we talking about?
DM: The digital shortage.
GK: Digital shortage.
DM: Yes. It's going to be bad.
GK: Perhaps I'm missing something here.
DM: We are running out of digitals. And at a rapidly increasing rate.
GK: How did this happen?
DM: How does it ever happen? Back in the 70s people started wearing digital watches. They were cute and people rushed out to buy them, all willy-nilly. It didn't seem like a major drain on our digital resources. Oh, how wrong we were.
GK: Why is that?
DM: It was just the start. Soon we saw digital alarm clocks, digital calculators---
GK: I remember my first digital calculator. It was a present. It was the size of a toaster oven.
DM: then came the electronic revolution; VCR digital displays, CD players, DVDs...the automobile displays change over to digital, medical equipment. Those little digital pets the kids were so excited over a few years back.
GK: That was like the 90s, right?
DM: Yes and now we're using digital at an alarming rate; coffee makers, microwaves, camcorders, cell phones; all rapidly depleting an already limited supply of digitals.
GK: This is astounding news. I had no idea. What can be done about it.
DM: We're proposing to drill in Alaska for untapped digital deposits.
GK: Drilling.
DM: You bet.
GK: In Alaska.
DM: Absolutely. Vast untouched reservoirs of digitals are there just waiting for us.
GK: Aren't there alternatives...switching to analog, sundials, perhaps?
DM: It's beyond that. Drilling is the only answer.
GK: It just seems that if maybe if we stopped making toasters with clocks it might help, because, frankly, why does toast have to know what time it is?
DM: Stop gap measure at best. Nope, drilling is the way to go.
GK: Well, thank you for visiting us tonight, Professor...
end
