Another topical bit that couldn't make the rounds in time. I made an online joke about this news item when it first hit the news cycle and a friend said I should write a sketch on that. Since the outlet for sketches is limited at this time, I decided to try it as a prose piece. I like the way it came out. Editors did not. So, here it is:
Bratz Attacks
As has been reported, the country of Vietnam has banned the “Barbie” movie over an alleged map shown in the alleged movie that shows the so-called “nine-dash line” border claim. This border, a U-shaped dotted line showing territory in the South China Sea that both China and Vietnam claim as their own. How did this happen over what is supposed to be a glitzy, vapid product placement movie?
In a bombshell report, the Barbie group is claiming that The Bratz Dolls altered the map on the set of the movie, which was then filmed and, remarkably, included in the trailer for this alleged summer blockbuster.
Representatives for the “Barbie” movie claim they have surveillance video showing Bratz leader Cloe, and two of her under-bratz, Sasha and Yasmin, making their way to a Barbie RV containing the map and adding the dashes to it on set.
“Causing an international incident just to embarrass Barbie? That’s totally a Bratz move,” said Barbie spokesperson Ken. “I’ve known Barbie for a long time and there’s no way she would disrespect the Vietnamese like this! Some of our best accessories come from Vietnam!” he added.
While there has been no official word from the Bratz community, long-time Bratz-phile, Cameron, did post a message on his Instagram account which read, “Typically, Barbie and her friends cannot be trusted to tell the truth. The so-called ‘video’ is obviously a stop-motion film using some Bratz dolls. Bratz do not engage in boring things like international politics. They are too cool. Way cooler than Barbie, even Astronaut Barbie.”
There has always been tension between the two groups. “The Bratz have always been undermining us,” Barbie was quoted as saying in a recent magazine article. “Since my break-out role in ‘Toy Story 2’ these Bratz have been jealous. The trolling has been nonstop. And I mean, online vicious remarks, not my cute buddies, the Russ Trolls.”
During a recent press junket, Barbie’s sister, Skipper, responded to taunts on social media by saying, “Of course we think it’s the Bratz. I mean, why would you even call yourselves ‘Bratz’ if you weren’t brats? I mean, it’s right there in their name!”
“Look, we’re sorry Barbie came close to starting World War III,” Big Bratz Meygan told us. “It’s obvious she isn’t ready for the big time and the scrutiny it involves. And she can’t keep blaming the Bratz for all her woes. Hey, Barbie, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the toy box.”
The US State Department has simply issued a statement saying they want the dolls to work it out for themselves. Although an announced trip to Taiwan by G.I. Joe has the administration very concerned.
