Once they announced the Staten Island dump was going to be closed, I wrote a piece for the NY Daily News in 2/96. Here it is...
Landfill's End
Okay, so, the city is now actually planning on closing the Fresh Kills Landfill. After decades of promises and plans, Staten Island will no longer be refuse-r friendly. Of course, the question is "Then what?" Sure, there's no more garbage coming in, but what about the borough-busting mounds of it we have now?
Obviously, now's the chance to take this pile of sow ears and turn it into a pile of silk purses. I'm not talking about some lame idea like drilling for "natural" gas. Yeah, like Brooklyn Union is salivating for a crack at this. And Mobil and Texaco are going to come sniffing around next waiting for all those tuna sandwiches to congeal into oil. No, no, me and the guys sat down and thought long and hard on this.
Obviously, now's the chance to take this pile of sow ears and turn it into a pile of silk purses. I'm not talking about some lame idea like drilling for "natural" gas. Yeah, like Brooklyn Union is salivating for a crack at this. And Mobil and Texaco are going to come sniffing around next waiting for all those tuna sandwiches to congeal into oil. No, no, me and the guys sat down and thought long and hard on this.
Before the closing plan was announced, we had previously tried to accentuate the positive with things like planting tall bushes around it or a catchy slogan ("Fresh Kills Landfill: I came, Eyesore, I Conquered"). But now we have a chance to really make a difference.
First off, we have to call it something other than "the landfill." Who wants to be in negotiations for a landfill? Besides him. We have to come up with a snappy name like Mt. Trashmore, the Acrapolis, the Staten Island Alps, or Heartland Village. Hey, we have the Greenbelt and the Bluebelt, why not the Wastebelt? Only then can we more easily attempt alternate uses.
Now us guys have some ideas on how to best utilize the area and we'll be passing them to the powers-that-be as soon as we can scrape together the postage. For instance:
** Ski resort -- this is the most logic idea. Now that NYC has resumed having winters again, this could be a major attraction. Face, it's the third highest point on the whole east coast (Todt Hill and Space Mountain being first and second). What ski bum or bunny wouldn't love schussing down any one of these over-sized Hefty bags? Worried about those outcrops of refrigerators or ovens? Mogul skiing! Imagine everyone's surprise when NYC makes a bid for the Winter Olympics instead.
** Sell to Paramount Pictures -- It already resembles their mountain logo, so it's a natural site for a studio theme park. Since Paramount is one of the few remaining movie makers without a theme park, here's their chance. Then we can talk about setting up a working movie lot and have films produced here. Things like "Garbage of Innocence," "The Scarlet Litter," "Forrest Dump," or "Trash Gordon." I can smell the popcorn already. At least I think it's popcorn...
** Archaeological Site -- teams of archaeologists and anthropologists can dig deep into the area to find out how humans lived back in the 1940s, '50s, '60s, '70s, '80s and early '90s.
** Get David Cooperfield to make it disappear -- He made the Statue of Liberty and the Queen Mary vanish without a trace. Let him have a crack at it, I say.
** Drill a tunnel through it and call it a mall.
** Nuclear Power Plant -- Face it, Staten Islanders aren't happy unless there's some sort of environmental Armageddon in the neighborhood.
** Historic District and/or Trash Museum -- Sort of a Williamsburg of Waste. Get Richmondtown to take an interest. It'll take their minds for that whole "Loop" thing.
** Have you noticed how popular rock and wall climbing is? Charge admission and let them have at it! Why? Because it's there. And it's going to stay there. (Just wait until you add the bungee jump.)
** The new Yankee Stadium -- Tell Steinbrenner it's the Meadowlands. Like he would know.
** Two words : Flea market.
** Find some Algonquin Indians, make it their reservation and Bingo!, we got casino gambling!
** Of course, the most likely plan; sell it to developers for a really big townhouse development. Build it and they will come. Trust me.
The whole trick, of course, is taking this big, smelly negative and turn it into a big, smelly positive. Sure, others may mock us and ridicule us as the home of the world's largest and highest landfill, but when that polar ice cap starts melting, let's see how long those flat-landers can tread water and hold their breath while we stay high and dry here on the Isle of Refuse, holding our breath.
First off, we have to call it something other than "the landfill." Who wants to be in negotiations for a landfill? Besides him. We have to come up with a snappy name like Mt. Trashmore, the Acrapolis, the Staten Island Alps, or Heartland Village. Hey, we have the Greenbelt and the Bluebelt, why not the Wastebelt? Only then can we more easily attempt alternate uses.
Now us guys have some ideas on how to best utilize the area and we'll be passing them to the powers-that-be as soon as we can scrape together the postage. For instance:
** Ski resort -- this is the most logic idea. Now that NYC has resumed having winters again, this could be a major attraction. Face, it's the third highest point on the whole east coast (Todt Hill and Space Mountain being first and second). What ski bum or bunny wouldn't love schussing down any one of these over-sized Hefty bags? Worried about those outcrops of refrigerators or ovens? Mogul skiing! Imagine everyone's surprise when NYC makes a bid for the Winter Olympics instead.
** Sell to Paramount Pictures -- It already resembles their mountain logo, so it's a natural site for a studio theme park. Since Paramount is one of the few remaining movie makers without a theme park, here's their chance. Then we can talk about setting up a working movie lot and have films produced here. Things like "Garbage of Innocence," "The Scarlet Litter," "Forrest Dump," or "Trash Gordon." I can smell the popcorn already. At least I think it's popcorn...
** Archaeological Site -- teams of archaeologists and anthropologists can dig deep into the area to find out how humans lived back in the 1940s, '50s, '60s, '70s, '80s and early '90s.
** Get David Cooperfield to make it disappear -- He made the Statue of Liberty and the Queen Mary vanish without a trace. Let him have a crack at it, I say.
** Drill a tunnel through it and call it a mall.
** Nuclear Power Plant -- Face it, Staten Islanders aren't happy unless there's some sort of environmental Armageddon in the neighborhood.
** Historic District and/or Trash Museum -- Sort of a Williamsburg of Waste. Get Richmondtown to take an interest. It'll take their minds for that whole "Loop" thing.
** Have you noticed how popular rock and wall climbing is? Charge admission and let them have at it! Why? Because it's there. And it's going to stay there. (Just wait until you add the bungee jump.)
** The new Yankee Stadium -- Tell Steinbrenner it's the Meadowlands. Like he would know.
** Two words : Flea market.
** Find some Algonquin Indians, make it their reservation and Bingo!, we got casino gambling!
** Of course, the most likely plan; sell it to developers for a really big townhouse development. Build it and they will come. Trust me.
The whole trick, of course, is taking this big, smelly negative and turn it into a big, smelly positive. Sure, others may mock us and ridicule us as the home of the world's largest and highest landfill, but when that polar ice cap starts melting, let's see how long those flat-landers can tread water and hold their breath while we stay high and dry here on the Isle of Refuse, holding our breath.
