This premise has been a running joke idea in much of my work since I ripped it off from Peanuts ("Have you come to sing Pumpkin Carols?") It's always something I would drop into conversations they way I always push to avoid the "Arbor Day Rush" or decry something a "Halloween Miracle!" (I did that a lot before commercials jumped all over it. I also was the first people I know to announce during bitter cold days that "at least it's a dry cold.") So, I hunkered down and wrote up this for Prairie Home Companion but it was rejected. The version below was from a re-do I did for TMI: Hollywood (hence the little intro before the sketch to fit in the show's format style). But they don't do music much. It's a cute bit and I do enjoy writing song parodies.
And, of course, this whole celebration of Thanksgiving is to help remind folks that my book, Space Case, is available over at Amazon. It sure beats stepping on a rake!
Turkey Carols
Well, it's mid-November, so you know what that means...
The race to Christmas is well under way.
Thanksgiving really gets gypped. How come we don’t hear anyone complain about the war on Thanksgiving?
(Host on stage with CHOIR)
HOST: It's begun. Radio stations are beginning to play Christmas music already. Some a lot. Some just easing into it. Some have been playing it for a while. They are rushing it. After Halloween, there's nothing much for the stores. Thanksgiving belongs to the supermarkets. But part of the problem is that there really aren't many Thanksgiving tunes to keep Christmas carols at bay. We're doing what we can here to address that concern tonight.
(Joy to the World)
Yams to the world, the food has come.
Let burps repeat the feast.
Let every gut prepare some room.
For apple and pumpkin pie
For apple and pumpkin pie
For APPPPP-le and pumpkin pie.
(Jingle Bells)
Gravy boats, gravy boats,
gravy all the way
Have to get some gravy on this joyous turkey day.
Gravy boats, gravy boats,
gravy all the way
giblet style with drippings, tis the only way.
Carving through the bird
With the sharp serrated knife
Asking who wants drumsticks,
dark meat and or white.
Potatoes, mashed or sweet
Corn, cream-style or cob
string bean casserole is up
and the broc'li rabe.
(Merry Little Christmas)
Have yourself cranberries and a biscuit
or perhaps sorbet.
Finish up, the second course is on its way.
(Frosty the Snowman)
Stuffing and mushrooms
Mixed veg'tables and fries.
Corn on cob, and turkey slice
and ice cream on my pies.
(Carol of the Bells)
Hark, pass the rolls, sweet taters, too
spuds steaming hot, for me and you.
Pull up a chair, fill up your plate
family's all here, can't hardly wait.
Thanksgiving time for one and all
bringing good cheer and crescent rolls
have a happy, happy Thanksgiving
Happy, happy, happy, Thanksgiving.
We wish you a good Thanksgiving
We wish you a good Thanksgiving
We wish you a good Thanksgiving---
GUY: Hey, Best Buy is open with big screen TVs for 5 bucks!
(Everyone but host runs off)
HOST: And a happy leftover…
The race to Christmas is well under way.
Thanksgiving really gets gypped. How come we don’t hear anyone complain about the war on Thanksgiving?
(Host on stage with CHOIR)
HOST: It's begun. Radio stations are beginning to play Christmas music already. Some a lot. Some just easing into it. Some have been playing it for a while. They are rushing it. After Halloween, there's nothing much for the stores. Thanksgiving belongs to the supermarkets. But part of the problem is that there really aren't many Thanksgiving tunes to keep Christmas carols at bay. We're doing what we can here to address that concern tonight.
(Joy to the World)
Yams to the world, the food has come.
Let burps repeat the feast.
Let every gut prepare some room.
For apple and pumpkin pie
For apple and pumpkin pie
For APPPPP-le and pumpkin pie.
(Jingle Bells)
Gravy boats, gravy boats,
gravy all the way
Have to get some gravy on this joyous turkey day.
Gravy boats, gravy boats,
gravy all the way
giblet style with drippings, tis the only way.
Carving through the bird
With the sharp serrated knife
Asking who wants drumsticks,
dark meat and or white.
Potatoes, mashed or sweet
Corn, cream-style or cob
string bean casserole is up
and the broc'li rabe.
(Merry Little Christmas)
Have yourself cranberries and a biscuit
or perhaps sorbet.
Finish up, the second course is on its way.
(Frosty the Snowman)
Stuffing and mushrooms
Mixed veg'tables and fries.
Corn on cob, and turkey slice
and ice cream on my pies.
(Carol of the Bells)
Hark, pass the rolls, sweet taters, too
spuds steaming hot, for me and you.
Pull up a chair, fill up your plate
family's all here, can't hardly wait.
Thanksgiving time for one and all
bringing good cheer and crescent rolls
have a happy, happy Thanksgiving
Happy, happy, happy, Thanksgiving.
We wish you a good Thanksgiving
We wish you a good Thanksgiving
We wish you a good Thanksgiving---
GUY: Hey, Best Buy is open with big screen TVs for 5 bucks!
(Everyone but host runs off)
HOST: And a happy leftover…
