Early on when I started posting under the Category "Skit Happens" or "From the Slushpile," I was posting stuff that that been submitted somewhere but didn't get chosen. Post-pandemic (if we are, in fact, post-it) I've been writing sketches and have had few, if any, places to submit them to. I don't know why I'm still writing them. It's like the idea pops into my head and I get such a rush from the act of creating, I want to get it down on paper, I need to. These things are burning holes in my hard drive and I have to put them out there somewhere and I have a blog, so...
The Gospel reading in Mass back in August was from Luke 11:11-12 that went “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?” That triggered this sketch. It's not a great sketch, but I could see it as a video somewhere. I wrote it back in August, and set it up back then for the blog to post now, so it really is a very fresh creation, and very much suffers from one of my "what am I supposed to do with this idea now?" creating apathy. I put some continued work in the other sketches I had written, but I plateaued pretty quickly on this one, which may also come from the fact that I don't watch Impractical Jokers. Maybe if I watched it, for background, I'd get more traction for the bit...but again, to what end? Sorry, this intro is more of a bummer than I had intended...
Impractical Jokers: Bible Edition!
Ext. Sky
Blue sky, fluffy clouds, beams of light shine down.
HOLY ANNOUNCER (O.S): “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?”
Record scratch.
WACKY ANNOUNCER (O.S.): The Impractical Jokers would!
Show logo comes up.
CUT TO:
INT. BOOTH
The JOKERS are seated at the monitors with their mics.
CUT TO:
EXT. ANCIENT CAMPSITE
ABRAHAM is seated at the campfire. His SON walks by.
SON: Greetings, Father.
JOKER 1 (O.S.): Hey Abraham, Abe! It’s me, God.
Abraham looks all around.
JOKER 1 (O.S.): No, up here!
Abraham looks up.
CUT TO:
INT. BOOTH
They are cracking up as Joker 1 speaks.
JOKER 1: I need you to sacrifice your son!
CUT TO:
EXT. ANCIENT CAMPSITE
ABRAHAM shrugs and grabs a knife.
CUT TO:
INT. VAN
The Jokers are in the back of a TV control room in the back of a van.
We see JOB on screen in his ancient home.
Joker 2 is on the mic.
JOKER 2: Hey, Job, so here’s the deal…
CUT TO:
INT. JOB’S HOME
As Job weaves some baskets, he is looking around.
JOKER 2 (O.S.): I need you to renounce me. Just for a little while. Oh, and also, start pronouncing your name as “Job,” not “Jobe.”
CUT TO:
INT. VAN
The Jokers are cracking themselves up.
CUT TO:
EXT. VILLAGE BY THE SHORE
The JOKERS are seated on a bench with mics. Just then, Jonah, in his robes, passes by. They let him walk a bit, then Joker 3 approaches him. Joker 1 tells him what to say:
JOKER 1: Tell him about the boat ride!
JOKER 3: Hey, Jonah let’s go on a boat ride.
CUT TO:
Ext. STUDIO
Jokers are on their equipment.
JOKER 1: I get it, he told you he wants an egg, but give him the scorpion. It’ll be hysterical!
CUT TO:
EXT. BEACH
The Jokers are set up behind some rocks. We see a fishing boat on the water.
JOKER 2: Peter, no, go forth onto the water. You can totally walk on water! Would I lie to you?
They get splashed with water and start laughing.
FREEZE FRAME
Logo up.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
It’s Impractical Jokes: Bible Edition! Check local listings!
The end
(or is it?)
Blue sky, fluffy clouds, beams of light shine down.
HOLY ANNOUNCER (O.S): “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?”
Record scratch.
WACKY ANNOUNCER (O.S.): The Impractical Jokers would!
Show logo comes up.
CUT TO:
INT. BOOTH
The JOKERS are seated at the monitors with their mics.
CUT TO:
EXT. ANCIENT CAMPSITE
ABRAHAM is seated at the campfire. His SON walks by.
SON: Greetings, Father.
JOKER 1 (O.S.): Hey Abraham, Abe! It’s me, God.
Abraham looks all around.
JOKER 1 (O.S.): No, up here!
Abraham looks up.
CUT TO:
INT. BOOTH
They are cracking up as Joker 1 speaks.
JOKER 1: I need you to sacrifice your son!
CUT TO:
EXT. ANCIENT CAMPSITE
ABRAHAM shrugs and grabs a knife.
CUT TO:
INT. VAN
The Jokers are in the back of a TV control room in the back of a van.
We see JOB on screen in his ancient home.
Joker 2 is on the mic.
JOKER 2: Hey, Job, so here’s the deal…
CUT TO:
INT. JOB’S HOME
As Job weaves some baskets, he is looking around.
JOKER 2 (O.S.): I need you to renounce me. Just for a little while. Oh, and also, start pronouncing your name as “Job,” not “Jobe.”
CUT TO:
INT. VAN
The Jokers are cracking themselves up.
CUT TO:
EXT. VILLAGE BY THE SHORE
The JOKERS are seated on a bench with mics. Just then, Jonah, in his robes, passes by. They let him walk a bit, then Joker 3 approaches him. Joker 1 tells him what to say:
JOKER 1: Tell him about the boat ride!
JOKER 3: Hey, Jonah let’s go on a boat ride.
CUT TO:
Ext. STUDIO
Jokers are on their equipment.
JOKER 1: I get it, he told you he wants an egg, but give him the scorpion. It’ll be hysterical!
CUT TO:
EXT. BEACH
The Jokers are set up behind some rocks. We see a fishing boat on the water.
JOKER 2: Peter, no, go forth onto the water. You can totally walk on water! Would I lie to you?
They get splashed with water and start laughing.
FREEZE FRAME
Logo up.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
It’s Impractical Jokes: Bible Edition! Check local listings!
The end
(or is it?)
