Early on when I started posting under the Category "Skit Happens" (AKA: From the Slush Pile) I was posting stuff that that been submitted somewhere but didn't get chosen. Post-pandemic (if we are, in fact, post-it) I've been writing sketches and have had few, if any, places to submit them. I don't know why I'm still writing them. It's like the idea pops into my head and I get such a rush from the act of creating, I want to get it down on paper, I need to. These things are burning holes in my hard drive and I have to put them out there somewhere and I have a blog. So...
As I posted else where, thanks to cable and streaming, topical pop-culture is no longer limited to recent entertainment. SNL has gotten deep into the habit of doing parodies of classic movies. In fact, they've done a number of "Sound of Music" bits in the last few years (I think it kicked off with NBC doing Sound of Music: Live). Add to that the fact that while working at home, I have on a music station (which I can't play at the office). One of the channels is for stage and screen songs. A lot of Sound of Music numbers get played, and that certainly triggered the idea for this sketch. What if the song "My Favorite Things" was, as one of the kids says, a bit on the nose?
Favorite Things
MARIE, the governess, is seated, sewing. Suddenly KID 1 and Hansel hurry in.
KID 1: Maria! Maria! Hansel has been stung by a bee!
MARIA: Oh, quickly come here! Hansel, let me see.
HANSEL: It really hurts!
MARIA: Well, you know what we need? A song!
(sings)
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens--
KID 1: What are you doing?
MARIA: Singing about my favorite things!
HANSEL: Why?
MARIA: (sings)
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
HANSEL: Oh-oh, my tongue is swelling…
MARIA: Oh, I’d better crank it up a bit, then:
(sings)
Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels;
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodle---
KID 2 and GRETAL come in. Gretal’s hand tied with a bloody bandage.
KID 2: Maria! Gretel was bitten by a dog!
MARIA; Prefect! Come here, Gretel, while I start my song over…
(sings)
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things.
KID 2; What is she doing?
KID 1; Singing about her favorite things. She says it’ll make them feel better.
MARIA; (sings)
When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
KID 2: Wow, that’s a little on the nose. How long has she been sitting on that song?
HANSEL: I can’t feel my mouth. Is it still there?
KID 1: I think the dog had rabies.
MARIA: Is the song making you feel better?
HANSEL: I think my ears closed up. I can’t hear anything!
GRETEL: I feel faint.
MARIA: You know what that means!
KIDS: What?
MARIA: A second verse!
(sings)
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver-white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
KID 1: This doesn’t seem medically sound at all!
Gretel goes limp.
KID 2: Maria, I think Gretel has passed out.
HANSEL: Still not feeling good.
KID 1: I think she’s dead.
MARIA: Oh, dear. Well, she’s in a better place where
(sings)
Snowflakes will stay on their nose and eyelashes
Silver-white winters that melt into springs---
KID 1: What are we supposed to do? Maria’s no help at all!
KID 2: She’s a problem.
NUNS enter.
NUNS: Tell us about it…
(sing)
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
Kids all run off.
MARIA: Oh, Mother Superior! I thought that was going to be between us!
The end
KID 1: Maria! Maria! Hansel has been stung by a bee!
MARIA: Oh, quickly come here! Hansel, let me see.
HANSEL: It really hurts!
MARIA: Well, you know what we need? A song!
(sings)
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens--
KID 1: What are you doing?
MARIA: Singing about my favorite things!
HANSEL: Why?
MARIA: (sings)
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
HANSEL: Oh-oh, my tongue is swelling…
MARIA: Oh, I’d better crank it up a bit, then:
(sings)
Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels;
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodle---
KID 2 and GRETAL come in. Gretal’s hand tied with a bloody bandage.
KID 2: Maria! Gretel was bitten by a dog!
MARIA; Prefect! Come here, Gretel, while I start my song over…
(sings)
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things.
KID 2; What is she doing?
KID 1; Singing about her favorite things. She says it’ll make them feel better.
MARIA; (sings)
When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
KID 2: Wow, that’s a little on the nose. How long has she been sitting on that song?
HANSEL: I can’t feel my mouth. Is it still there?
KID 1: I think the dog had rabies.
MARIA: Is the song making you feel better?
HANSEL: I think my ears closed up. I can’t hear anything!
GRETEL: I feel faint.
MARIA: You know what that means!
KIDS: What?
MARIA: A second verse!
(sings)
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver-white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
KID 1: This doesn’t seem medically sound at all!
Gretel goes limp.
KID 2: Maria, I think Gretel has passed out.
HANSEL: Still not feeling good.
KID 1: I think she’s dead.
MARIA: Oh, dear. Well, she’s in a better place where
(sings)
Snowflakes will stay on their nose and eyelashes
Silver-white winters that melt into springs---
KID 1: What are we supposed to do? Maria’s no help at all!
KID 2: She’s a problem.
NUNS enter.
NUNS: Tell us about it…
(sing)
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
Kids all run off.
MARIA: Oh, Mother Superior! I thought that was going to be between us!
The end
