I wrote this sketch for TMI: Hollywood back in 2015. I thought the whole Disney remake frenzy was going nuts; redoing their animation films as live-action, movies based on rides, plays based on movies. It was due for a parody. So, I wrote this skit with the topper being the most ridiculous idea of making a live action version of Dumbo, Disney's sweetest and shortest animated feature. Hysterical, right? In the time it took me to finish the sketch and prep it to email to the group, word comes out that Disney has hired Tim Burton to do a new version of Dumbo. What the Spit-take is going on here???
I had to rework the bit, move the Dumbo news upfront to set the premise and end it with the Turkey Drumstick idea. I mean, okay, but it was The Pet Store/Pet Rock thing all over again. It all got rejected anyhow. But since the new movie is out, I figured I'd post it here...
Disney Coming Attractions
Chairman: Okay, people we just can’t carry this company by raising admission to Disneyland or Pixar pictures. We have to start churning out some new content, people.
Executive 1: Content? You mean movies, right?
Chairman: Shut up. Okay, people, we’ve done Pirates of the Caribbean, we’ve done Country Bear Jamboree, we’ve done Haunted Mansion…
Executive 1: ---twice---
Chairman: Shut up about the TV movie, nobody cares about the TV movie. Tomorrowland is in the pipeline, along with the Jungle Cruise. What other park attraction do we have that we can further monetize?
Executive 1: You mean film?
Chairman: Enough from you!
Executive 2: Space Mountain! It could be the story of a young lad, on a distant planet, and this kid lives in the mountains and then gets sent into space to track down an evil villain.
Executive 3: Isn’t that why we bought Star Wars?
Executive 1: Oh, Splash Mountain, that Zippy-do-Dah song, my family loves that ride. We should totally base a movie on that!
(Everyone looks away.)
Executive 1: What?
Executive 2: Turkey Drumsticks, the movie!
Executive 3: I’d see that!
EXECUTIVE 1: Oh, you know what ride is very popular, the Flight of Peter Pan! Why don’t we make a Peter Pan movie?
Executive 1: Just sayin’
Executive 3: I think a Bugs Bunny movie would kill right now.
CHAIRMAN: How long have you worked here?
Executive 3: Seven years, sir.
Chairman: And you don’t know Bugs Bunny is Warner Brothers?
Executive 3: Wow. Then who’s our signature character?
Chairman: Mickey Mouse!
Executive 3: Oh, right. My bad. I was thinking about Oswald the Rabbit.
Chairman: Nobody is thinking about Oswald the Rabbit!
EXECUTIVE 2: Oo-oo! We have that flying elephant ride, how about a movie about a flying elephant!
CHAIRMAN: We’ve done a cartoon about a flying elephant!
Executive 3: But we haven’t done a live-action movie about a flying elephant!
(They all high five and freeze.)
ANNOUNCER (o.s.): He’s an elephant with a particular set of skills. It’s EARS, the story of Dumbo, the flying elephant, coming soon to a theater near you!