Hillary Card Collection
(Gloria, harried wife on phone.)
GLORIA: I can’t believe Steve! He called my mother intrusive and fat. He lied to me about the big “business trip” he was supposed to be on and then he backed the car over my cat. I’m done. Done!
(Steve walks in with a card.)
(She hangs up.)
GLORIA: What do you want, Steve?
STEVE: I saw this and thought of you. I wanted to give it to you.
(Gloria takes the card and opens it to read.)
GLORIA: “To Gloria, I know you’re angry at me but…Crooked Hillary is still not in jail and that’s very, very upsetting. From Steve.”
(Gloria looks at Steve.)
(ANNOUNCER at store display.)
ANNOUNCER: It’s the Hillary Card Collection from Hallmark. When you need to shift the focus or the blame, just give one of these lovely distractions from Hallmark.
PEOPLE READING CARDS
WOMAN: “I missed your birthday, but Crooked Hillary deleted 30,000 emails!”
BOY: “There’s no money in this Bar Mitizvah card, but Hillary and the Clinton Foundation swindled Haiti!”
MAN: “I didn’t collude! Hillary colluded!"
WOMAN: “I forgot our anniversary…Benghazi!!!”
INT. LIVING ROOM
(Gloria is still looking at Steve.)
Gloria: (indicating card) There’s jewelry with this, right?
(Steve pulls out a jewelry box.)
ANNOUNCER: Whether it’s a fumbled apology or an emotional nuclear attack, you’ll be able to play the Hillary card often and for years to come! The Hillary Card Collection from Hallmark; If you don’t send them, the terrorists win.