Is there anything that has a shorter shelf life than a topical sketch that isn't selected? Other than that container of sour cream that looks like a science project now. It's rough. You pull together a decent take on today's headlines only to learn they didn't pick your sketch to be in this week's show. Then what? Submit it around to the hundreds of comedy troupes that are looking for sketches from strangers? Turn it into a Kindle ebook? Or, do you just start posting on your own blog because you never know (actually you do, but you do it anyway)? I often delve into political humor and that dates really fast. But some of the stuff I just really enjoyed writing an was really pleased the way it came out. But, the comedy show I submitted it to really doesn't do song parodies, so that was a huge obstacle I built for myself...
Oh, Donald!
FOCUS GROUP LEADER
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 1
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 2
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 3
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 4
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 5
(LEADER, with a clipboard stands before a seated group.)
Leader: Well, again, I’d like to thank you all for joining us here. As the campaign winds down, we’re looking to get some last minute feedback to see how to tweak our message. So, first up, who do you think won the debates?
MEMBER 1: Trump.
MEMBER 2: Oh, yes, Trump.
MEMBER 3: Who was the girl?
LEADER: Hillary Clinton?
MEMBER 3: Yeah, she lost.
LEADER: I see. What leads you to that opinion?
MEMBER 4: Oh, well, Hillary was all “Facts facts facts” and Donald just blew her away with the sheer force of his personality.
MEMBER 5: Definitely! You can throw all the facts and statistics at Trump that you want! They won’t stick. The system is rigged and we know better!
MEMBER 3: I remember one time, my aunt died.
LEADER: Yes? And--?
MEMBER 3: No, that’s it. I just remembered that.
LEADER: I see.
MEMBER 4: Hillary just couldn’t stand up to him. She would make an effective point and Trump would lower the boom and insult her. Brilliant.
MEMBER 1: Trump sounds like he’s seen a battle or two.
LEADER: Well, we know that he never actually served in the military.
MEMBER 2: Oh, we know that. He’s too doughy and has those soft, smooth hands that show he’s never done a day’s labor in his life. But he SOUNDS like he’s seen a battle or two.
LEADER: Interesting. I’d like to get your feedback on the candidate’s use of social media like twitter.
MEMBER 1: Trump rules Twitter!
MEMBER 4: He mops the floor with everyone on twitter!
MEMBER 3: I’m always re-tweeting him. And I don’t even belong to Twitter!
LEADER: And the media’s coverage?
MEMBER 4: Media sucks!
MEMBER 1: The way the media constantly puts him on the air and interviews him and talks about him only so they can point out the faults in his policies and opinions!
MEMBER 2: Disgraceful!
MEMBER 3: And that’s just the late night talk shows!
MEMBER 4: And we hate Saturday Night Live, always mocking him.
MEMBER 3: After he was nice enough to host!
MEMBER 5: We hate them!
MEMBER 1: And any other “comedy” show that mocks Trump.
(They all pause for a slow, sly take to the audience.)
MEMBER 5: Those slick, polished politicians only tell you want they think you want to hear, while Trump is willing to tell us what we want to hear.
MEMBER 2: Yes!
LEADER: So, the lying, the falsehoods, the exaggerations?
MEMBER 1: Love ‘em!
LEADER: The narcissistic preening? Self-importance?
MEMBER 2: More, please!
LEADER: The misogyny? The crassness? The death threats? Sexual assaults?
MEMBER 5: Bring ‘em!
MEMBER 3: No one tells it like it is like Trump.
MEMBER 2: No one lays it out for us like The Donald…
SINGING
(GASTON! From Beauty & the Beast)
No one’s rich as Donald
No one’s kitsch like Donald
No one’s mouth can handle a bitch like Donald
For there’s no candidate half as bigly
So Perfect, you just can’t believe
You can ask any Ted, Ben or Christie
And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to not leave.
No one tweets like Donald
No one creeps like Donald
No one’s got a building up the street like Donald
As a landlord he’s quite discriminating
He’s got my vote
Donald!
Give him 5 stars!
Give Hillary the hook
Donald is the best
And she’s a big crook!
No one attacks like Donald
Or syntax like Donald
In a TV debate, no one yaks like Donald
For there’s no one as surly and kooky
As you see he’s got insults so grand.
And his health is not at all that rebuke-y
That’s right!
And he’s got a signed doctor’s note right in his hand!
No one combs hair like Donald
Or throws glares like Donald
Or pays federal taxes with air like Donald
He’s especially good at tax calculating!
He’s got my vote
Oh, Donald!
the end
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 1
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 2
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 3
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 4
FOCUS GROUP MEMBER 5
(LEADER, with a clipboard stands before a seated group.)
Leader: Well, again, I’d like to thank you all for joining us here. As the campaign winds down, we’re looking to get some last minute feedback to see how to tweak our message. So, first up, who do you think won the debates?
MEMBER 1: Trump.
MEMBER 2: Oh, yes, Trump.
MEMBER 3: Who was the girl?
LEADER: Hillary Clinton?
MEMBER 3: Yeah, she lost.
LEADER: I see. What leads you to that opinion?
MEMBER 4: Oh, well, Hillary was all “Facts facts facts” and Donald just blew her away with the sheer force of his personality.
MEMBER 5: Definitely! You can throw all the facts and statistics at Trump that you want! They won’t stick. The system is rigged and we know better!
MEMBER 3: I remember one time, my aunt died.
LEADER: Yes? And--?
MEMBER 3: No, that’s it. I just remembered that.
LEADER: I see.
MEMBER 4: Hillary just couldn’t stand up to him. She would make an effective point and Trump would lower the boom and insult her. Brilliant.
MEMBER 1: Trump sounds like he’s seen a battle or two.
LEADER: Well, we know that he never actually served in the military.
MEMBER 2: Oh, we know that. He’s too doughy and has those soft, smooth hands that show he’s never done a day’s labor in his life. But he SOUNDS like he’s seen a battle or two.
LEADER: Interesting. I’d like to get your feedback on the candidate’s use of social media like twitter.
MEMBER 1: Trump rules Twitter!
MEMBER 4: He mops the floor with everyone on twitter!
MEMBER 3: I’m always re-tweeting him. And I don’t even belong to Twitter!
LEADER: And the media’s coverage?
MEMBER 4: Media sucks!
MEMBER 1: The way the media constantly puts him on the air and interviews him and talks about him only so they can point out the faults in his policies and opinions!
MEMBER 2: Disgraceful!
MEMBER 3: And that’s just the late night talk shows!
MEMBER 4: And we hate Saturday Night Live, always mocking him.
MEMBER 3: After he was nice enough to host!
MEMBER 5: We hate them!
MEMBER 1: And any other “comedy” show that mocks Trump.
(They all pause for a slow, sly take to the audience.)
MEMBER 5: Those slick, polished politicians only tell you want they think you want to hear, while Trump is willing to tell us what we want to hear.
MEMBER 2: Yes!
LEADER: So, the lying, the falsehoods, the exaggerations?
MEMBER 1: Love ‘em!
LEADER: The narcissistic preening? Self-importance?
MEMBER 2: More, please!
LEADER: The misogyny? The crassness? The death threats? Sexual assaults?
MEMBER 5: Bring ‘em!
MEMBER 3: No one tells it like it is like Trump.
MEMBER 2: No one lays it out for us like The Donald…
SINGING
(GASTON! From Beauty & the Beast)
No one’s rich as Donald
No one’s kitsch like Donald
No one’s mouth can handle a bitch like Donald
For there’s no candidate half as bigly
So Perfect, you just can’t believe
You can ask any Ted, Ben or Christie
And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to not leave.
No one tweets like Donald
No one creeps like Donald
No one’s got a building up the street like Donald
As a landlord he’s quite discriminating
He’s got my vote
Donald!
Give him 5 stars!
Give Hillary the hook
Donald is the best
And she’s a big crook!
No one attacks like Donald
Or syntax like Donald
In a TV debate, no one yaks like Donald
For there’s no one as surly and kooky
As you see he’s got insults so grand.
And his health is not at all that rebuke-y
That’s right!
And he’s got a signed doctor’s note right in his hand!
No one combs hair like Donald
Or throws glares like Donald
Or pays federal taxes with air like Donald
He’s especially good at tax calculating!
He’s got my vote
Oh, Donald!
the end
