Christmas Eve Crisis
MOM: Come on, baby, it's late. It's Christmas Eve. Drink your ba-ba. Mommy's got a lot to do yet. I still have to put together the bike and something called "Capt. Danger's Laser Palace and Turbo Home." Be a good baby.
MOM: What is it, kids?
BOBBY: Mom, is it Christmas yet?
MOM: No, it's still a couple of hours away, Bobby.
TEDDY: Did Santa come early, maybe?
MOM: No, Teddy, Santa doesn't come early. He comes exactly on time every
DEBBIE: What time does he come, Mom?
MOM: Bedtime. Now go to sleep, Debbie. All of you.
(Kids grumble off.)
MOM: Come on, babe. Daddy's not going to be home from the store 'til late.
Lord knows why he waits 'til the last minute to try and find "Dolly
Crawlabout." Don't you want your Blue's Clues Foam Neighborhood and Action
Figures? You won't get it until you go to sleep.
MOM: What is it?
BOBBY: We can't sleep.
MOM: Count sheep.
DEBBIE: But it's Christmas!
MOM: Then count reindeer. Upstairs, now!...
(Kids grumble off. )
MOM: All right, little one, let's get a nice burp, then we go to sleep. Come on, little burp...
(Huge burp is heard. )
MOM: Whoa! I wanted a burp, not an eruption!
TEDDY: We're too excited to sleep.
BOBBY: Yeah, we're thinking about all the great presents we're going to find
under the tree.
MOM: Well, then think about all the coal you're going to find in your
stocking if you don't go to bed now!
DEBBIE: But mom, it's Christmas Eve. Santa's already made his list.
BOBBY: And checked it twice!
TEDDY: Now doesn't count.
MOM: He can be paged. Bed. Now.
(Kids grumble off.)
MOM: There we go, darlin'. Nice and easy. Night-night. (singing) Silent night. Holy night. All is calm---
BOBBY: We took a vote.
TEDDY: We want to watch the rest of the Yule log on Channel 11.
MOM: You watched enough.
DEBBIE: But we want to see how it ends.
MOM: I'll tape it for you.
BOBBY: Mom, did you leave cookies out for Santa?
TEDDY: What kind?
MOM: Chocolate chip.
TEDDY: Jimmy left Oreos last year and he got a Mr. Savage Action Man and his
DEBBIE: Maybe you should put out some Oreo cookies so we can get good stuff.
BOBBY: Yeah. And real Oreo. Not that bogus Hydrox stuff.
MOM: Get to bed before I put out saltine crackers and you can kiss your
chance for a polyurethane skateboard and helmet good-by.
KIDS: But we're not sleepy!
TEDDY: Yeah, we want to do something Christmas-y.
DEBBIE: Like sing carols.
BOBBY: Or decorate something.
MOM: Okay, fine. I have something here we can play with.
KIDS: What! What!
MOM: Mistletoe. You know how this works?
MOM: I hold it over your sister's head and you have to kiss your her!
(Kids exit screaming.)
MOM: I suppose I could tell them it's only parsley. Nah. (sings) Sleep in
heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace.