The Associated Press reports that the high price of gasoline might be hurting Barack Obama's reelection chances. Mostly because the voters won’t be able to afford to drive to the polls.
The International Monetary Fund forecast that China’s economy will surpass that of America in real terms in 2016. Hey, my last fortune cookie said the same thing.
Taliban militants dug a 1,000 foot tunnel underground and into the main jail in Kandahar city and freeing more than 450 prisoners…
…so no more showings of “The Great Escape” at that jail.
…Colonel Klink and Sgt. Schultz said they saw nothing.
Levi Johnston is writing a tell-all book entitled "Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs…”
…just as soon as he sharpens all his crayons.
…in an attempt to reset the timer on his 15 minutes.
Current TV has announced the name of the new Keith Olbermann show, calling it "Countdown With Keith Olbermann…"
…because, you know, it worked out so well for him the first time.
…where they’ll be counting down the time until he’s fired again.
An article in New York magazine celebrated the fact that Nightly News anchor Brian Williams is also a "versatile" humorist. But I knew that. I can’t watch the NBC Nightly News without laughing.
Katie Couric officially announced that she is leaving the "CBS Evening News" which comes as a blow to the 12 people still watching.
According to a new batch of documents released by WikiLeaks, the mastermind of the September 11 terrorist attacks met with a Chicago gang leader to discuss potential terrorist attacks against targets within the city…
…man, does nothing good come out of Chicago?
…although both claim they were only there for the pizza.
After being plagued by problems for days, Sony's PlayStation Network, was shut down for several days…
…forcing millions of gamers out into the fresh air and sunshine.
…forcing millions of gamers to actually interact with reality.
…forcing millions of gamers to face their bleak existence that is their lives.
Much is being made of the fact that the White House did not issue any official proclamation on Easter…
…Hey, we’re just glad they didn’t issue one for May Day.
…so, I hope you weren’t waiting for a card for Mother’s day, either.
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone, even though we’re still awaiting the official proclamation from the White House to see if it counts.
Standard & Poor's warned that it might downgrade the United States' prized AAA credit rating. So instead we’ll have to call Triple A.
Possible presidential candidate Mitt Romney is catching a lot of flack after he referred to President Obama's stimulus programs as "one of the biggest peacetime spending binges in American history…"
…when he meant to say it was the biggest spending binge since Romney-care.
…but since we don’t see Obama talking about his wars, it’s easy to forget about them.
Godrej and Boyce - the last company in the world still manufacturing typewriters - has shut down its production plant in Mumbai, India…
…nuts. So how is Dan Rather going to fake old documents now?
…so, kids, ask your grandparents what a typewriter is.
…good, because those little bells were driving me crazy.
…so, naturally, the carbon paper company is concerned.
…you mean the Indian government didn’t offer to bail them out?
A new study by researchers at the University of Colorado demonstrates that when people were exposed to pictures of someone who was overweight, they ended up consuming far more calories…
…so, you want to make sure you don’t get Roseanne and Michael Moore in the same room.
…but, in person, the fat person took all the food, leaving the skinny people skinny.
Hubert J. “Hub” Schlafly Jr., a television engineer who helped invent the teleprompter, died at the age of 91. President Obama has declared a national day of mourning.
Last week President Barack Obama released his long-form birth certificate…
…it checks out, but it has Donald Trump’s fingerprints all over it.
…crap. I had, like, 50 really good birth certificate jokes left.
…so, who had “Hawaii” in the birther pool?
…but it has Dan Rather’s fingerprints all over it.
…Finally! Now he can focus on his abysmal record.
…weirdly, under “father” it says “Jimmy Carter.”
At a press conference, Donald Trump claimed credit for forcing President Obama to release his birth certificate…
…and announced his next show, “The Apprentice: Birther Edition.”
…and announced that next he’s going to get the White House to release the budget.
…and announced next that he wants President Obama’s name to be checked against the terrorist list.
…then vowed to turn back the severe weather hitting the Midwest.
Sen. Al Franken announced he'll hold a hearing on mobile privacy after the discovery that iPhones are used to track the owner's movements…
…the Senator said the hearings will be in his chambers and Apple stated “they know.”
…oddly, my iPhone told me that about an hour before Franken make his announcement.
An Associated Press survey of leading economists states that only a jump in oil prices to $150 a barrel could stop the economic recovery…
…or, if someone sneezes too hard.
…which begs the question, “What economic recovery?”
…so, Arabia, if you were stuck for a plan, there you go.
At a press conference, Donald Trump claimed credit for forcing President Obama to release his birth certificate…
...yes, credit for diverting discussion from jobs, the economy and foreign policy.
…then demanded to see Obama’s baptismal certificate.
So, with the birth certificate finally released, it’s now established that President Obama is a natural born citizen. But don’t try to get his clone elected.
During his announcement that he was releasing his birth certificate, President Obama said he was doing it to end the distractions because he has better things to do. Like golf.
After releasing his birth certificate, President Obama flew to Chicago to tape an appearance on “Oprah” where everyone in the studio audience got a birth certificate from Obama.
On his show, Ed Schultz asked Al Sharpton if President Obama was white president, would people be seeking his birth certificate. He then asked if President Obama was white, would Al Sharpton be on MSNBC at all?
Massachusetts’ State's House voted overwhelmingly to strip police officers, teachers, and other municipal employees of most of their rights to bargain over health care…
…apparently the only people fleeing that vote was the media, who haven’t reported it.
…The press wasn’t around to cover it because they were in Wisconsin watching their state house do the exact same thing.
…answering the question, if a blue state falls on a union, does it make a sound?
In the latest issue of Action Comics, Superman announces he is going to renounce his US citizenship…
…in a related story, Capt. America is moving to France.
…figures. All because he doesn’t have a birth certificate.
…what’s he been drinking? Kryptonite?
…thus ending his chances of running for president.
…wait a second? When was he a citizen? He’s from outer space.
…That’s how bad things are, fictional characters are bailing out.
A new McClatchy-Marist poll shows that 57 percent disapprove of President Obama’s economic management…
…while the other 43 percent were unaware of Obama’s economic management.
…and it went higher when McClatchy-Marist laid off its pollsters after the poll was finished.
President Obama announced changes to his National Security Team which came as a surprise to people who didn’t know we have a national security team in place.
President Obama finally released his birth certificate. So, I hope all your Hillary Clinton supporters will finally admit he was born in the US.
President Obama passed through the tornado-ravaged south last week. Many though he was there to view the wreckage, but he was really just playing through.
Taliban militants dug a 1,000 foot tunnel underground and into the main jail in Kandahar city and freeing more than 450 prisoners…
…so no more showings of “The Great Escape” at that jail.
…Colonel Klink and Sgt. Schultz said they saw nothing.
Levi Johnston is writing a tell-all book entitled "Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs…”
…just as soon as he sharpens all his crayons.
…in an attempt to reset the timer on his 15 minutes.
Current TV has announced the name of the new Keith Olbermann show, calling it "Countdown With Keith Olbermann…"
…because, you know, it worked out so well for him the first time.
…where they’ll be counting down the time until he’s fired again.
An article in New York magazine celebrated the fact that Nightly News anchor Brian Williams is also a "versatile" humorist. But I knew that. I can’t watch the NBC Nightly News without laughing.
Katie Couric officially announced that she is leaving the "CBS Evening News" which comes as a blow to the 12 people still watching.
According to a new batch of documents released by WikiLeaks, the mastermind of the September 11 terrorist attacks met with a Chicago gang leader to discuss potential terrorist attacks against targets within the city…
…man, does nothing good come out of Chicago?
…although both claim they were only there for the pizza.
After being plagued by problems for days, Sony's PlayStation Network, was shut down for several days…
…forcing millions of gamers out into the fresh air and sunshine.
…forcing millions of gamers to actually interact with reality.
…forcing millions of gamers to face their bleak existence that is their lives.
Much is being made of the fact that the White House did not issue any official proclamation on Easter…
…Hey, we’re just glad they didn’t issue one for May Day.
…so, I hope you weren’t waiting for a card for Mother’s day, either.
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone, even though we’re still awaiting the official proclamation from the White House to see if it counts.
Standard & Poor's warned that it might downgrade the United States' prized AAA credit rating. So instead we’ll have to call Triple A.
Possible presidential candidate Mitt Romney is catching a lot of flack after he referred to President Obama's stimulus programs as "one of the biggest peacetime spending binges in American history…"
…when he meant to say it was the biggest spending binge since Romney-care.
…but since we don’t see Obama talking about his wars, it’s easy to forget about them.
Godrej and Boyce - the last company in the world still manufacturing typewriters - has shut down its production plant in Mumbai, India…
…nuts. So how is Dan Rather going to fake old documents now?
…so, kids, ask your grandparents what a typewriter is.
…good, because those little bells were driving me crazy.
…so, naturally, the carbon paper company is concerned.
…you mean the Indian government didn’t offer to bail them out?
A new study by researchers at the University of Colorado demonstrates that when people were exposed to pictures of someone who was overweight, they ended up consuming far more calories…
…so, you want to make sure you don’t get Roseanne and Michael Moore in the same room.
…but, in person, the fat person took all the food, leaving the skinny people skinny.
Hubert J. “Hub” Schlafly Jr., a television engineer who helped invent the teleprompter, died at the age of 91. President Obama has declared a national day of mourning.
Last week President Barack Obama released his long-form birth certificate…
…it checks out, but it has Donald Trump’s fingerprints all over it.
…crap. I had, like, 50 really good birth certificate jokes left.
…so, who had “Hawaii” in the birther pool?
…but it has Dan Rather’s fingerprints all over it.
…Finally! Now he can focus on his abysmal record.
…weirdly, under “father” it says “Jimmy Carter.”
At a press conference, Donald Trump claimed credit for forcing President Obama to release his birth certificate…
…and announced his next show, “The Apprentice: Birther Edition.”
…and announced that next he’s going to get the White House to release the budget.
…and announced next that he wants President Obama’s name to be checked against the terrorist list.
…then vowed to turn back the severe weather hitting the Midwest.
Sen. Al Franken announced he'll hold a hearing on mobile privacy after the discovery that iPhones are used to track the owner's movements…
…the Senator said the hearings will be in his chambers and Apple stated “they know.”
…oddly, my iPhone told me that about an hour before Franken make his announcement.
An Associated Press survey of leading economists states that only a jump in oil prices to $150 a barrel could stop the economic recovery…
…or, if someone sneezes too hard.
…which begs the question, “What economic recovery?”
…so, Arabia, if you were stuck for a plan, there you go.
At a press conference, Donald Trump claimed credit for forcing President Obama to release his birth certificate…
...yes, credit for diverting discussion from jobs, the economy and foreign policy.
…then demanded to see Obama’s baptismal certificate.
So, with the birth certificate finally released, it’s now established that President Obama is a natural born citizen. But don’t try to get his clone elected.
During his announcement that he was releasing his birth certificate, President Obama said he was doing it to end the distractions because he has better things to do. Like golf.
After releasing his birth certificate, President Obama flew to Chicago to tape an appearance on “Oprah” where everyone in the studio audience got a birth certificate from Obama.
On his show, Ed Schultz asked Al Sharpton if President Obama was white president, would people be seeking his birth certificate. He then asked if President Obama was white, would Al Sharpton be on MSNBC at all?
Massachusetts’ State's House voted overwhelmingly to strip police officers, teachers, and other municipal employees of most of their rights to bargain over health care…
…apparently the only people fleeing that vote was the media, who haven’t reported it.
…The press wasn’t around to cover it because they were in Wisconsin watching their state house do the exact same thing.
…answering the question, if a blue state falls on a union, does it make a sound?
In the latest issue of Action Comics, Superman announces he is going to renounce his US citizenship…
…in a related story, Capt. America is moving to France.
…figures. All because he doesn’t have a birth certificate.
…what’s he been drinking? Kryptonite?
…thus ending his chances of running for president.
…wait a second? When was he a citizen? He’s from outer space.
…That’s how bad things are, fictional characters are bailing out.
A new McClatchy-Marist poll shows that 57 percent disapprove of President Obama’s economic management…
…while the other 43 percent were unaware of Obama’s economic management.
…and it went higher when McClatchy-Marist laid off its pollsters after the poll was finished.
President Obama announced changes to his National Security Team which came as a surprise to people who didn’t know we have a national security team in place.
President Obama finally released his birth certificate. So, I hope all your Hillary Clinton supporters will finally admit he was born in the US.
President Obama passed through the tornado-ravaged south last week. Many though he was there to view the wreckage, but he was really just playing through.
