Back in March 2016, a new multi-media platform was about to launch. A podcast, radio show with written articles on line to support the on-air hi jinx. It was a new comedy, The Morning Kvetch, a place to talk and examine irksome, annoying, ridiculous, random things in pop culture and current events. And they needed experienced kvetchers to supply material to the website. Enter me. I had a number of rants and rant-like bits that could be re-worked to fit their site, so it seemed like a good thing. No pay but EXPOSURE!
Yeah, not so much. Granted, my contributions to the site started to wane as the year progressed but I was very much surprised to find out the site no longer exists. It's just a Go Daddy placeholder denoting the domain name is available. Gone, all gone. So, I'm going to drag them out and post them here from time to time. So, let us present:
Yeah, not so much. Granted, my contributions to the site started to wane as the year progressed but I was very much surprised to find out the site no longer exists. It's just a Go Daddy placeholder denoting the domain name is available. Gone, all gone. So, I'm going to drag them out and post them here from time to time. So, let us present:
Tourists
Aurgh! Tourists!
Yeah, yeah, I know, I live in New York City. It’s the greatest city in the world. People from around the world want to come here to see it. They help out economy by spending millions of dollars on foam Statue of Liberty hats and fake Rolex watches. But here’s the thing, the city is already crowded. We have eight million people. We really don’t need all these extra folks aimlessly wandering around! Fifty million people visited the city annually. And apparently they’re all on line in front of me at McDonalds.
Sure, they bring in an outsider’s view of the city and can share their experiences with us natives, but there’s one thing tourists are really good at; stopping. They just stop. Whether alone or in groups of sixty or more, they stop. They get to the top of an escalator; they just stop and stand there. After going through a door, they just stop. Going through a subway door, they just stop; doesn’t matter if they’re getting on or off the train, they just stop. I don’t know, maybe it’s because they come from small towns and aren’t used to having many people behind them, but the concept that they are somehow blocking our path completely eludes them.
I try to give them wide berth. I hold up if I see them taking a picture. I’ll cross the street if I see a large herd of tourist coming down the block. I usually give them the right directions if they ask how to get to the subway. If they wave from the tour bus, I’ll wave back. But they are always underfoot. They ride our transit systems like they’re some kind of e-ticket ride at Disneyland, pointing at things and expecting some corny narration. This is my ride home, sit down!
Maybe we can restrict their hours. Or maybe do like they did in England with Stonehenge; build an identical, fake Stonehenge a distance from the real one and let them visit that. Maybe we can build a fake NYC and let the tourist run amuck there. Think on it. As for me, I have a ferry to catch…and no, we don’t have a comical sea captain pointing out the sites as we sail by.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I live in New York City. It’s the greatest city in the world. People from around the world want to come here to see it. They help out economy by spending millions of dollars on foam Statue of Liberty hats and fake Rolex watches. But here’s the thing, the city is already crowded. We have eight million people. We really don’t need all these extra folks aimlessly wandering around! Fifty million people visited the city annually. And apparently they’re all on line in front of me at McDonalds.
Sure, they bring in an outsider’s view of the city and can share their experiences with us natives, but there’s one thing tourists are really good at; stopping. They just stop. Whether alone or in groups of sixty or more, they stop. They get to the top of an escalator; they just stop and stand there. After going through a door, they just stop. Going through a subway door, they just stop; doesn’t matter if they’re getting on or off the train, they just stop. I don’t know, maybe it’s because they come from small towns and aren’t used to having many people behind them, but the concept that they are somehow blocking our path completely eludes them.
I try to give them wide berth. I hold up if I see them taking a picture. I’ll cross the street if I see a large herd of tourist coming down the block. I usually give them the right directions if they ask how to get to the subway. If they wave from the tour bus, I’ll wave back. But they are always underfoot. They ride our transit systems like they’re some kind of e-ticket ride at Disneyland, pointing at things and expecting some corny narration. This is my ride home, sit down!
Maybe we can restrict their hours. Or maybe do like they did in England with Stonehenge; build an identical, fake Stonehenge a distance from the real one and let them visit that. Maybe we can build a fake NYC and let the tourist run amuck there. Think on it. As for me, I have a ferry to catch…and no, we don’t have a comical sea captain pointing out the sites as we sail by.
