Before we send you all off on shore leave, as your captain, I feel the need to address out some things I feel regarding our first cruise out of our new homeport of Brooklyn.
First, we still say “Ahoy.” Not “Yo!” I didn’t think this was something that needed to be said.
The dessert to passenger ratio needs to be improved. I don’t want a repeat of the Chocolate Fountain incident again, stormy seas or not.
In light of the smash & grabs at the on-board duty-free shops, the nightly “Glow Party” and “White Rave,” “Silent Disco” and “Nickle Beer Night” are being rethought.
Passenger surveys are telling us people who come upon the pool-side Bingo game and yell “Bingo” should be keelhauled. This will not happen. Nor will future passengers surveys.
While we will continue the tradition of singing “Happy Birthday” in our onboard restaurants, we will no longer have staff yell “Happy Wedding Night!” outside the cabins of honeymoon couples.
Our standard reminder: It’s a trivia contest for our passengers not an audition opportunity for the staff.
Sailing into international waters means we can open the casino to passengers. It does not mean we will begin “the purge.”
And again, no, the company will not be booking a cruise with an “endangered species” buffet station. Whoever keeps suggesting that needs to stop suggesting it.
The person who booked the movies “Titanic” and “The Poseidon Adventure” has been sacked.
No more “anchor rides.”
As for making port at our private island, the staff member who was handing out shovels to the disembarking passengers and telling them to “find the buried treasure” has been confined to quarters.
Full contact shuffleboard is being discontinued.
When I inform the crew to “report your station” I do not mean the omelet station.
No, the onboard sneaker shop will not be renamed Davy Jones’ Food Locker.
Have a pleasant leave and make sure to return by 1300 hours. That’s 1 pm for our entertainers.
First, we still say “Ahoy.” Not “Yo!” I didn’t think this was something that needed to be said.
The dessert to passenger ratio needs to be improved. I don’t want a repeat of the Chocolate Fountain incident again, stormy seas or not.
In light of the smash & grabs at the on-board duty-free shops, the nightly “Glow Party” and “White Rave,” “Silent Disco” and “Nickle Beer Night” are being rethought.
Passenger surveys are telling us people who come upon the pool-side Bingo game and yell “Bingo” should be keelhauled. This will not happen. Nor will future passengers surveys.
While we will continue the tradition of singing “Happy Birthday” in our onboard restaurants, we will no longer have staff yell “Happy Wedding Night!” outside the cabins of honeymoon couples.
Our standard reminder: It’s a trivia contest for our passengers not an audition opportunity for the staff.
Sailing into international waters means we can open the casino to passengers. It does not mean we will begin “the purge.”
And again, no, the company will not be booking a cruise with an “endangered species” buffet station. Whoever keeps suggesting that needs to stop suggesting it.
The person who booked the movies “Titanic” and “The Poseidon Adventure” has been sacked.
No more “anchor rides.”
As for making port at our private island, the staff member who was handing out shovels to the disembarking passengers and telling them to “find the buried treasure” has been confined to quarters.
Full contact shuffleboard is being discontinued.
When I inform the crew to “report your station” I do not mean the omelet station.
No, the onboard sneaker shop will not be renamed Davy Jones’ Food Locker.
Have a pleasant leave and make sure to return by 1300 hours. That’s 1 pm for our entertainers.
