The horror/comedy film, STEAMED!, co-written by Beverly Bonner and Dan Fiorella, is making the rounds on the film festival circuit. How did it come together?
So, Beverly Bonner gives me a call; "Do you want to write a movie?" (Now I keep hearing this to the tune of "Do you want to Build a Snowman?") I was wary of her, but I was also wary about passing up an opportunity, any opportunity...
Anyway, she had this concept which had been brewing in her mind for a long time. For whatever reason, she felt this was the time to do it. It was a horror/comedy; not quite a parody, but certain elements would be were goofing on some horror tropes. She saw it as a short, with an eye toward expanding it if it got a good reaction. So, a short is, what, 20 pages? I can do 20 pages standing on my head. I didn't realize I would be on my head for the next two years.
So, without giving too much away, Beverly had this idea of being stalked by a mutant broccoli, she called it "ATTACK OF THE BROCCOLI." And heaven forbid you call it "Attack of the Killer Broccoli" because people would immediately think she stole name from ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES. So, that was the first job, come up with a new name.
So, without giving too much away, Beverly had this idea of being stalked by a mutant broccoli, she called it "ATTACK OF THE BROCCOLI." And heaven forbid you call it "Attack of the Killer Broccoli" because people would immediately think she stole name from ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES. So, that was the first job, come up with a new name.
STEAMED**##!!!" BROCCOLI
BROCCOLI TERRORISM
REVOLT OF THE "STEAMED**##!!!" BROCCOLI
RAMPAGING BROCCOLI
BUTTERLESS BROCCOLI ON THE BRINK
Beverly liked to cuss, so that would explain a couple of her suggestions. I countered with "The Stalk." We both knew what we were shooting for, what she would say "captures attention, interest and humor." Somehow we settled on Steamed. Just in time to write up a collaboration agreement. It was called "Steamed **##!!!" on the contract, but we got her down to one word and one exclamation point in the end. Once we had our 50/50 agreement in place, I started work.
With the concept, she had a couple of set pieces she wanted to get in there. I started a draft . I got 2 pages into it when I started having questions...
With the concept, she had a couple of set pieces she wanted to get in there. I started a draft . I got 2 pages into it when I started having questions...
ME: I’ve been thinking about the horror short and I’m having trouble trying to make a working story without it being just like a series of sketch outtakes. And I just don’t want it to be a parody of the horror tropes either. Have you put anything to paper on it? I keep thinking it has to be set up and played fairly straight,
HER: Yes, absolutely
ME: and the broccoli has to be taken seriously.
HER: yes
ME: Is it something she only sees?
HER: She is the only one who sees it attack her, everyone thinks she is going around the bend
ME: Does the broccoli kill the people around her--
HER: Yes, but she gets accused of other deaths
ME: --Or just make them pod-creatures? Here’s a very basic question; how big is the broccoli?
HER: Regular size but sometimes all stuck together like kabob
ME: It’s tricky trying to lock down on one approach and see it through.
HER: Yes, but this will be unique in that I want it stylized like 40's genre detective films, she is doing all voice overs, black and white except for her lips, fingernails and blood
ME: The only things I keep coming back to are using a clip of George Bush saying he’s president and doesn’t have to eat broccoli and the Dana Carvey SNL sketch “Chopping BROCCOLI."
To be truthful, I don't think we addressed all these concerns. But the process had begun. Beverly's plan was to shoot it guerilla style around the city. No permits. We knew it would be low budget, but the first few drafts I kinda went big; many locations, complex SFX. But she went big, too. I would write a draft. When I finally got it to the end, around 20 pages, I sent it to her. I thought for notes. She was re-writing it. I realized late that she was going to be a co-writer on this.
She wanted to shoot in Times Square, somehow with the broccoli following her (tie a string from her to some broccoli and film it as she walks through the city). Open up in Chinatown at a vegetable market. Call a cab. Have green goo come out of an MTA Metrocard vending machine. I wrote a scene where I used the Bush clip and the Carvey song along with another broccoli reference, some commercial with broccoli in a wind tunnel. None of this stuff was practical. There was no budget for special effects or licensing fees.
As she got actor friends involved, scenes were re-written for their talents. The Chinese vendor became Italian because the actor did an Italian accent and he wasn't Chinese. Plus, they'd be shooting it in Jersey. A wacky neighbor was created. And Beverly envisioned her as a white lady who was always trying to talk black (because...Ebonics?). She always had a scene planned with a therapist, then hired the actor, so we tried to adapt it to her talents.
She wanted to shoot in Times Square, somehow with the broccoli following her (tie a string from her to some broccoli and film it as she walks through the city). Open up in Chinatown at a vegetable market. Call a cab. Have green goo come out of an MTA Metrocard vending machine. I wrote a scene where I used the Bush clip and the Carvey song along with another broccoli reference, some commercial with broccoli in a wind tunnel. None of this stuff was practical. There was no budget for special effects or licensing fees.
As she got actor friends involved, scenes were re-written for their talents. The Chinese vendor became Italian because the actor did an Italian accent and he wasn't Chinese. Plus, they'd be shooting it in Jersey. A wacky neighbor was created. And Beverly envisioned her as a white lady who was always trying to talk black (because...Ebonics?). She always had a scene planned with a therapist, then hired the actor, so we tried to adapt it to her talents.
| | The script would go back and forth and back and forth. And one thing that drove me crazy was when it came back from Beverly, the script was in Comic Sans font. I mean, really? Who does that? Then I would change back to Courier New, update it and send it back. She's make some changes and BAM, it would be in Comic Sans again. Ugh! And clip art! She loved clip art! But more about that later. And she's still doing shows and asking for sketches and I'm turning down opportunities to attend the shows. But we were coming up with something solid. Beverly was totally confident we could pull this off, yet at the same time kept tinkering with the script. Then I had a brainstorm! --NEXT TIME: DAN'S BRAIN STORM! |
