Then it starts to get into the non-edible uses of this veggie. Okay, I know people put cucumber slices on their eyes to help with facial stuff but apparently, if you rub a slice of cucumber on your bathroom mirror, it will keep your bathroom from fogging up. Which begs the questions; who was the first person to do this and why did they have a cucumber in the bathroom?
“Hey, honey! The mirror’s all fogged! Wanna hand up the cucumber?”
I mean, they also say you can use it to polish shoes, but I get that. Obviously, someone was eating a salad and dropped a cucumber on their shoe and noticed the shoe was shinier. But the bathroom mirror? Unless the train of thought went something like:
“Look where I dropped that cucumber on my shoe, it’s so shiny now. It looks great! I wonder what’ll happen if I rub some on my mirror or door hinges?
The email goes on to say that if you don’t have gum or a mint you can take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath. Now, here’s the thing, if I don’t have gum or a mint, what are the odds that I’m going to have a cucumber handy? Cucumbers are also a great way to clean stainless steel and repel garden pests. So that makes it sound pretty toxic, right? Not so fast, Atlas, the email also proudly announces that if you’re looking to fight off an evening snacking binge cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation. And you know why? Because cucumbers are food! So that’s a pretty self-evident use of the cucumber. Unless you’ve been using it to stop your hinges from squeeking.
And it saves the best for last. If you make a mistake writing a letter in ink, you can use an unpeeled cucumber to erase it. Plus it gives that letter a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress.
So, the next time you see me and want to know if I have a cucumber in my pocket or I’m just glad to see you, rest assured I have a cucumber in my pocket.