Category: - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

Sketchy Tales: Christmas Edition - Do You Know Your Secret Santa Claus?

12/9/2018

As American Comedy wound down, I was starting to download audio files of all my produced bits they did. And I found this one late in the game. I'm sure I've mention it before on the blog, but it was the first piece they bought from me. What a hoot, right? It got a massive rewrite, however. The song was lifted from a script I had written, a family comedy about a Christmas pageant and I wanted a bit where the kids would write a Christmas song. I had the song kicking around, based on "Do you know the way to San Jose." And it was more like "Do you know the ways of Santa Claus" about gift giving. So, still, it was a beginning.
ETA:
Hey, I found a version of it in my script of "Christmas Carol." It's included now! Compare and contrast!

Sketchy Tales is brought to you by "Lost Claus" the Christmas Comedy Caper that's more fun than a barrel full of elves! Get you copy today at Amazon.com!

Do You Know Your Secret Santa Claus

Sketchy Tales: Christmas Edition - Murder on the Polar Express

12/8/2018

Here's one of those bits that started out with a goofy title and I was able to turn it into an actual sketch. I think the mash-up works quite well and I came up with a very serviceable mystery plot to carry me through the bit, while still remaining silly. It could have been yet another commercial parody 2-minute bit (it certainly would have been if ACN were still a thing) Alas, TMI: Hollywood wasn't buying (a figure of speech, since they never actually buy material with money). But it's a solid longer-form sketch that would play nicely, so I release it into the wilderness of the internet, which is probably the most ridiculous sentence I've ever written...

If you liked this bit, you'll love my book, Lost Claus, the story of a tough PI and an elf who have to save Christmas. Yule love it! It's over at Amazon. Buy a copy today! I'll be glad you did.

Murder on the Polar Express

Merry Plague-mas!

12/7/2018

We set the dial on the Way Back Machine way, way back! This bit is from my college humor magazine, The Plague, circ. 1979. I don't know if college magazines generally did Christmas themed issues, but we did and I jumped all over it. If the graphics look very much like a regular newspaper ad from the day, there's a reason for that. I worked my way through college at K-Mart (R.I.P.) and I was friendly with the woman who laid out the ads did for the local paper. She let me go through her discarded company "clip art" and I was able to grab a bunch of it (enough for 2 future bits in The Plague). Oh, the frustrations I worked out in this 2-pager, mocking the store and it's cheapest, both in prices and employee benefits, with a mix of store graphics and typewriter inserts (since we didn't have the budget for graphic lettering; and that would have been a pain to do that lettering one letter at a time!). And, as I mention elsewhere on the blog, I was able to pitch this bit to Cracked magazine in 2000. Comedy life lesson: Never throw anything away!

If you liked this bit, you'll love my book, Lost Claus, the story of a tough PI and an elf who have to save Christmas. It's over at Amazon. Buy a copy today! I'll be glad you did.

Cavemart Christmas Ad - The Plague at NYU

Sketchy Tales: Christmas Edition -Twelve PHC Days of Christmas

12/6/2018

This is one of those quirky moments with my time on Prairie Home Companion (which I'm planning to take on in the future) and by quirky, I mean Garrison Keillor actually credited me on this bit and even has my name as the copyright holder, which I assume is a song writing thing for him. They did change it a bit, but I must honestly say I was surprised that it made the cut. It's a silly little trifle, but I guess it struck somebody's funny bone. I apologize for the quality of the sound on this bit and all the PHC bits...I had to literally record them off the website. They only streamed the audio and I couldn't get the guy to send me an audio file for beans. I had to get a special cord (thanks & farewell, Radio Shack) that I could plug into the ear jack and plug into the mic jack to play it on one window and record it with some software. Technology, amirite?

We present this comedy to remind you that my Christmas Comedy Caper, Lost Claus is available over at Amazon. So buy your copy today and avoid the holiday rush!

Sketchy Tales: Christmas Edition - The Christmas Purse

12/5/2018

I was thrilled when All Star Radio produced this bit. You heard that song about the Christmas shoes, right? And then they did a TV movie about it. And then they did a TV movie sequel about it. It's the most depressing Christmas thing ever, therefore it NEEDED TO BE MOCKED! And I was willing to do it! So, wipe your eyes and merry Christmas!

We present this comedy to remind you that my Christmas Comedy Caper, Lost Claus is available over at Amazon. So buy your copy today and avoid the holiday rush!

Skit Happens: Christmas Edition - Walking Dead Christmas Special

12/4/2018

Every show does a special holiday episode. Usually after they do that episode where it's just two of them trapped in an attic or a well. Okay, not every show. This bit from 2012 attempts to bring some holiday spirit to the horror genre. Why not? Other shows, like "Doctor Who" or "Pretty Little Liars" would come back for special holiday episodes, why not "The Walking Dead." I mean besides the obvious reasons. And it's not like I didn't do any number of Walking Dead parodies, so it made perfect sense to me. Anyway, this was a quickie, a commercial parody aimed to ACN and All-Star radio but didn't make the cut.

This edition of Skit Happens is brought to you by "Lost Claus" the snappy comedy mystery! Leaping Yule Logs, Santa's missing! And only one man can find him, Nick Flebber, PI. Get your copy today at Amazon!

Walking Dead Christmas Special

Skit Happens; Christmas Edition - Abbott & Claustello

12/3/2018

Eventually, no matter what I write, who I write for, or what the topic is, I wind up doing an Abbott & Costello version skit. Whether it's Abbott & Othello or Who's on Steroids? someone, somewhere is going to be handed an homage to Bud and Lou. This skit was from my PHC era, an obvious attempt to re-capture the magic of their production of "Abbott & Othello." Didn't fly. I've submitted it elsewhere, but I think it might be aging out, since Abbott & Costello seem to be fading a bit (Thankfully "Who's on First" and "Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein" will always keep them from disappearing completely). But I do it and keep doing it and probably will continue to. I love a good patter routine.

And, of course, Skit Happens is brought to you by "Lost Claus," the hilarious tale of abduction, blackmail and elves. What happens when Santa goes missing? Find out in "Lost Claus" available at Amazon!

Abbott & Claustello

Sketchy Tales: Christmas Edition - COLD DRAFTS: It's a Wonderful Life

12/2/2018

Oh, my, here's one of my favorite bits, written back in the 80s. Like many of you, I've watched "It's a Wonderful Life" hundreds of times. And face it, after seeing it that often, you start to see the holes in the plot. I love the movie, I do, but, that doesn't mean I'm not going to parody it. Often. This was the first. It's a Sketchy Tale because, technically, it was produced. I belonged to a workshop back then called Pen to Stage and one Christmas we were asked to "put on a show" for some poor people living in a shelter. As a rule, you probably shouldn't let a bunch of 20-something-theater nerds put on a charity show because we were all WAY TOO self-involved to fully comprehend what we were doing or who our audience was. We went full-out with a lot of absurd stuff, which often came out of the group. And my piece, since it was actually about Christmas. The group staged it as if they were doing it as a 1940s radio production, reading the lines before microphone stands. And it works that way; the piece is all dialogue. I remember Joan Lunoe playing the host and she said that she enjoyed it because she felt her character was very elegant and wore a hat and long gloves. Bill Squire was Stewart and the Man at the end. I seem to remember the audience enjoying it. And I recall pictures being taken, although they're packed away somewhere.
Oh, and note the Trump reference. 1980s. Even then he was a go-to laugh line.
The idea of "Cold Drafts" or "First Draft Theater" clung to me like a mold, and I came up with another episode or two. I would submit it and submit it. Prairie Home Companion was certainly among the places that received it. And a Christmas show (mentioned down-blog) "A Hard Candy Christmas" got it as well (that's the draft I pulled off the hard drive and pasted here). But it never got done again. Oh, well.

If you liked this bit, you'll love my book, Lost Claus, the story of a tough PI and an elf who have to save Christmas. It's over at Amazon. Buy a copy today! I'll be glad you did.

COLD DRAFTS: It's a Wonderful Life

Skit Happens; Christmas Edition - Donner Christmas Party

12/1/2018

Here's a charming bit to kick off the holiday season! This is an old bit I wrote up prior to 2014. The title popped into my head, but it sat around there for a while. I didn't know how to break it into an actual skit. Finally the idea of a holiday TV special came up (which doesn't make a lick of sense) and I went with it.

I forget for what venue I wrote it off originally, but I re-wrote it to submit to a theater group's call for material for their annual Christmas production, A Hard Candy Christmas. While I was initially told it was selected (along with another bit), in the end it wasn't staged. They told be to submit it again in 2015, which I did, and it didn't make the cut at all. Then they stopped doing their annual Christmas production. Typical, right? It's a dark take on the holiday, but pretty funny.

We present this comedy to remind you that my Christmas Comedy Caper, Lost Claus is available over at Amazon. So buy your copy today and avoid the holiday rush!

Donner Christmas Party

A Writer’s Journal Journey 23

4/14/2017

I've been looking back on my adventure in Hollywood, culling pages from my journal...

I received the script at the end of May. Naturally, there was a call with Kevin. I was trying to save some of my actual jokes. I was being told the bad elves had to go, too repetitive, too one-jokey, just not funny. Still have to reign in my clever scene descriptions, cut pages, re-work Elfis into a scene of his own.
I finished it all quickly, trying to give Arsenio (the new hip elf) a decent scene, which I didn’t quite pull off. Arsenio merely exists because I was told to put him there. He doesn’t have a personality yet. Maybe, I decided, to make him a bit of a smart aleck. It was all under consideration.

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