From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Yeah, one of my pet peeves; as soon as Halloween is over, the Christmas music begins. We just shoot by Thanksgiving without a glance. So, this was my solution. It was kind of inspired by "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." There's the scene where the kids go to check up on Linus in the pumpkin patch and when he sees them, he says "Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?" I didn't get the line when I was a kid, but has I got older, I loved the line, the perfect juxtaposition of the holiday traditions. And it also falls into my wheelhouse of song parodies. Alas, PHC didn't bite. So, here's a sketch you can sing to! Happy Thanksgiving!
Turkey Carols
GK: It's begun. Radio stations are beginning to play Christmas music already. Some a lot. Some just easing into it. Some have been playing it for awhile. They are rushing it. After Halloween, there's nothing much for the stores. Thanksgiving belongs to the supermarkets. But part of the problem is that there really aren't many Thanksgiving tunes to keep Christmas carols at bay. We're doing what we can here to address that concern.
(Joy to the World)
Yams to the world, the food has come.
Let burps repeat the feast.
Let every gut prepare some room.
For apple and pumpkin pie
For apple and pumpkin pie
For APPPPP-le and pumpkin pie.
(Jingle Bells)
Gravy boats, gravy boats,
gravy all the way
Have to get some gravy on this joyous turkey day.
Gravy boats, gravy boats,
gravy all the way
giblet style with drippings, tis the only way.
Carving through the bird
With the sharp serrated knife
Asking who wants drumsticks,
dark meat and or white.
Potatoes, mashed or sweet
Corn, cream-style or cob
string bean casserole is up
and the broc'li rabe.
(Merry Little Christmas)
Have yourself cranberries and a biscuit
or perhaps sorbet.
Finish up, the second course is on its way.
(Frosty the Snowman)
Stuffing and mushrooms
Mixed veg'tables and fries.
Corn on cob, and turkey slice
and ice cream on my pies.
(Carol of the Bells)
Hark, pass the rolls, sweet taters, too
spuds steaming hot, for me and you.
Pull up a chair, fill up your plate
family's all here, can't hardly wait.
Thanksgiving time for one and all
bringing good cheer and crescent rolls
have a happy, happy Thanksgiving
Happy, happy, happy, Thanksgiving.
(Joy to the World)
Yams to the world, the food has come.
Let burps repeat the feast.
Let every gut prepare some room.
For apple and pumpkin pie
For apple and pumpkin pie
For APPPPP-le and pumpkin pie.
(Jingle Bells)
Gravy boats, gravy boats,
gravy all the way
Have to get some gravy on this joyous turkey day.
Gravy boats, gravy boats,
gravy all the way
giblet style with drippings, tis the only way.
Carving through the bird
With the sharp serrated knife
Asking who wants drumsticks,
dark meat and or white.
Potatoes, mashed or sweet
Corn, cream-style or cob
string bean casserole is up
and the broc'li rabe.
(Merry Little Christmas)
Have yourself cranberries and a biscuit
or perhaps sorbet.
Finish up, the second course is on its way.
(Frosty the Snowman)
Stuffing and mushrooms
Mixed veg'tables and fries.
Corn on cob, and turkey slice
and ice cream on my pies.
(Carol of the Bells)
Hark, pass the rolls, sweet taters, too
spuds steaming hot, for me and you.
Pull up a chair, fill up your plate
family's all here, can't hardly wait.
Thanksgiving time for one and all
bringing good cheer and crescent rolls
have a happy, happy Thanksgiving
Happy, happy, happy, Thanksgiving.
